Second Chances

Second Chances

     Have you ever regretted not following your heart and listening to your inner voice?  There are brief moments in my life that I look back on with fond memories and wished I had not said no.  One of those moments was an invitation to sing in Italy (Amalfi Coast) when I was 23 years old.  I turned this opportunity down because I didn't want to leave my family.  I will be 43 in March and a lot has changed in 20 years since this invitation was extended to me.  Do I have regrets turning this amazing opportunity down?  I regret not saying yes to this opportunity, but I also know in my heart I was not ready.  I feel now I am in my singing prime and can hear my inner voice speaking to me, "keep singing".  The main reason I have not sung professionally in many years is because I thought being Cole's mom came first, singing second.  Family has, and always will be, my number one priority.  Many people have asked me why I no longer sing professionally and my answer always has been family comes first.  I have never had regrets about putting my family first, because they are my life.  Music has, and always will be, a major part of my life, but it doesn't take care of you physical or mental well being.

     My mom was 43 years old when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  I won't lie; it was tough seeing her go through the fight of her life.  Chemotherapy was a bitch.  I remember waking up on a daily basis for two years to make sure she was still alive.  I lived at home until I was 24 years old because I had no desire to leave.  I could have lived in a dorm while a student at SMU, but I always came home because it was safe.  I loved my time as a student at Meadows School of the Arts, as it became my second family, but I also was a creature of habit.  I loved my home and I never wanted to leave the security of it.  Looking back, I am glad I didn't live in a dorm or an apartment because I needed to pass my classes!  A lot of my friends didn't graduate because they partied too hard.  I always give thanks to God for allowing me to attend SMU and have the comforts of home to study.  I would have never been able to pass music history (all 6 classes) if I hadn't had a quiet room and a stress-free study zone!
     I am going to be 43 years old in March 2017.  Why does this bother me?  I feel turning 43 is significant because this is the age my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  I go to the doctor and have had mammograms since I was 33, but it still doesn't take away the worry.  I plan on partying like a rock star this year because you never know when it's your time to go.  You only get once chance at life.  I pray each and every day I live to see 100.  I pray for my husband each and every day he lives to see 105 (he's five years older than me).  I pray I continue to lead a life full of happiness, joy, and excitement!  Happy new year and have a wonderful 2017!

Gratefulness

Gratefulness

     I normally do not rant about people who are jerks, but this is my story and I am sticking to it.  How can we live in a world that gives us so much and not be grateful?  Have you ever walked in the shoes of a blind man, been homeless, hungry, or worry about being raped in a shelter?  I have never experienced any of these things, so I am always grateful to God for giving me a life full of hope, promise, understanding, and unconditional love.  I do, however, wonder about those that have experienced homelessness due an abusive situation.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I was able to get out of an abusive relationship and find God when I needed Him the most.  This is not a public service announcement, but more of a plea.  Please wake up, realize how good you have it, and thank God each and every day for Him giving us Jesus to take away the sins of the world.

     I rarely write about my past because I have never felt the urge to.  That being said, I found myself feeling sorry for myself the other day because Cole is an only child.  I always thought I would have 3 children, but I also knew I wouldn't have 3 children with my first husband.  Everyone has a story, so mine is one that needs to be told.  I was 20 year old college student when I met my first husband.  At first, he seemed wonderful.  He brought me roses, candy, took me out to nice places, and told me he loved me.  Once I was convinced he was the one, I said yes to his marriage proposal.  Little did anyone know after only two months of dating, the abuse started.  We dated for nearly four years before I said "I do".  I rarely put this out there, but I feel my story needs to be told.  I was mentally and physically abused, but I didn't know how to tell anyone because I thought it was love.  I was a senior in college when my life came to a halt, due the car wreck I had mentioned in an earlier blog post.

     Men and women, NEVER THINK IT'S OKAY TO HIDE THE ABUSE.  I had fooled myself into thinking I could handle it on my own.  I am extremely grateful for all that I have.  I may look like I have everything, but I truly had to find the courage to leave an abusive relationship and start again.  Yes, I had an amazing lawyer, but money does not buy happiness.  I only had my faith in the Lord to rely on during this horrendous time in my life because without Him, I knew I couldn't exist.  I have always loved God, but there are at times when I have strayed from His word.  You never know what someone else is going through, even if they appear to be happy.  I am alive and free because of the strength I found in Him.  I had an amazing support group of friends, but I also was blessed to have found a church home at Highland Park United Methodist Church.  They took me in and gave me my wings to fly.  David Davidson saw in me what I didn't:  the ability to sing for God, to witness God's word through music, as well as an unshakable faith.  I knew when I joined Highland Park UMC, I had found my home.

     I am grateful for David Carlock.  He is the one that invited me to his church, Highland Park UMC.  I am grateful for the Reverend Terry Jones, for he is the one that introduced me to my amazing husband, and married us at HPUMC!  I am eternally grateful for God giving me a chance at life again because I truly feel I am in the prime of my life, thanks to my belief in the written word.

God is Good All the Time!

God is Good All the Time!

     I am sure by now you know that I am Christian and I love God.  I am not ashamed to call out to Him and reach out to those who I know will pray for me.  Without my faith in the Lord, I don't know how I could have gotten through these past two weeks.  Our son, Cole, has been quite the trooper and had to have surgery, without truly understanding why he was in the hospital.  My husband and I have gone through so many emotions this past week, but because of our strength and trust in God, we have been surrounded by so many blessings.  You may ask yourself at times, "Why God?  Why did this happen to me?" and that would be totally normal.  However, instead of asking why, replace it with thank you.  I asked God for so many prayers and blessings this week, that I knew when our Cole went into surgery he was going to be better than ever, but that didn't take the worry away.  I followed up with, "Thank you God for chasing me down and returning 100% health back to Cole".  My mom instinct was kicked into high gear on Tuesday, November 8th, because that is when our Cole lost his coloring and was violently ill.

     I think I have told many parents and families do not check your brain at the door when your child is sick.  I feel I should have listened even more to that maternal instinct when we first took Cole to the ER on November 8th. My husband and I both questioned the doctor and asked him if he thought Cole was having an appendicitis.  Little did I know that we would be sent home with some medicine and watch our son throw up for 12 hours straight.  I knew it was more than a stomach bug, but I too came down with this awful illness, so I checked my brain at the door the next day.  However, by Thursday evening, we knew Cole was not getting better, so we took him back to the after-hours care facility and they just sent us home with Z-Pak and a note to return to school on Monday, November 14th.  My husband and I are still filled with guilt, as we took Cole to the doctor twice before being admitted to the Children's ER at Medical City.  Within 6 hours of being seen by his amazing pediatrician on Monday, November 14th, Cole was undergoing surgery and was going to be released from his constant pain.  Do I feel guilty for not asking more questions when we were at the ER on Tuesday, November 8th?  Yes.  However, because of my faith in God, we were surrounded by angels the day of Cole's surgery and still are.  Cole is a gift from God.  He has changed so many people's lives because he loves unconditionally.  Many of his friends called us, texted us, stopped in to say hello, and brought us food.  I knew in my heart my son was going to live to see his 15th birthday on November 28th because how could God take away so much joy from so many people on this Earth?  Truly, Cole has this amazing gift of looking people in the eye, asking them their name, and then follow it up with, "How old are you?"  How could you not love someone like this?

     I have been incredibly blessed by our church family at Highland Park United Methodist Church, as well as our family at Highland Park High School.  I am overwhelmed by the generosity, kindness, and care our friends have given us these past two weeks.  I am in awe of our son, Cole, because he absolutely hates needles and shots.  We were able to walk Cole through what was going to happen next because of the amazing staff at Medical City Children's Hospital in Dallas.  I am not a nurse, so I applaud those in this field.  I have never been cut out to be a nurse or a doctor (no pun intended) because of my fear of blood and needles, but because of my son, I have been able to take care of him like a nurse.  Sure, I have wanted to throw up a few times after seeing his stitches and other things, but God chose me to be Cole's mom.  

     The reason I am writing this blog post today is because it is cathartic for me.  I am healed mentally because of my strength in God, but I am also spiritually alive because of His love for me and my family.  I never knew the strength I could muster when it came to being strong for my family, but I truly believe because of God's amazing grace, I have a clear mind and healed heart.  I thank my parents, my nanny Comp. and granddaddy for giving me the tools to succeed as a Christian, mom, and wife.  My family gave me an incredible education in life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.  My family also gave me a firm foundation built on God's word and His love for us.  You do not have to live in fear because of how our world has become.  Become a steward of faith, plant your feet firmly in the ground, and declare God's word.  The only way I can live life each and every day, even when it's full of chaos and heartache, is because of my love for God.  Everyone, have a blessed Thanksgiving!  I know we will.

Educating the Whole Family

     Educating the Whole Family

     I am saddened, disturbed, and confused about this election. How can we make America great again, in terms of receiving a world-class education? Do you see what I just did? I wrote a statement about education, but then spun it so you would see my point of view. As an American, I voted the second day of early voting, and I am so glad I did! I am not pleased with either candidate for the Republican or Democratic ticket, but I voted with my heart, insight, and how our next President and Congress will enact a better workforce for teachers and provide a world-class setting and curriculum for students. Do not ask me who I voted for through social media, because I won't tell you. I truly believe our country is great, but we must realize in order to have peace and serenity in the classroom, we first must educate parents.
     I have been in a behavioral classroom setting for over a week and it is maddening to think a magnet school can have a behavioral program. I would say 95% of the students at this school want to learn and be educated. My job was not an easy one, but I am so glad I had the option to leave before I was stabbed or punched in the face. I truly feared for my life yesterday because of the situation I was put in. Many parents, grandparents, and guardians of kids who receive special education services have written off their child. Shocking, I know, but it's a reality. The disgust I have for the families who refuse to educate themselves about their child's education goes beyond the classroom: it is a reflection of who they are at home and in public.
     My plea is this: if you are reading this right now and you have parents that cared about your education, call them up and thank them. As a teacher, I am supposed to teach the whole student, but I was not allowed to do this at my current school because of a student who exhibited violent tendencies towards me and other students. Due to federal law, I can't go into what this student did; however trust me when I say our country is doomed if we keep going down this path of no responsibility. There needs to be accountability at home in order to achieve what our nation needs: responsibility and accountability of parents, students who choose to behave badly, and respect for law enforcement. I have been told middle school is the hardest age to teach, and I believe it.
     Teachers, I commend you for giving your life to better this world, but once again, I need to take a break. Parents, DON'T BE IGNORANT. Kids don't need a friend or a pacifier, they need a parent who will take them to the doctor, listen to their needs, hold their hand when their heart is broken, but most of all, unconditional love. My students have been written off by their parents except one. I thank his grandmother for loving him, but also giving him a set of rules to follow at home.  I am a parent and wife first. I refuse to put myself in harm's way, just because a student thinks I am too white and need to be taught a lesson. Yes, these are the exact words one of my students told me when I was trying to teach him social studies. Our world is doomed if parents and students don't wake up and take responsibility for their actions. God bless America and let's make it great again!

A Life-Changing Decision

     A Life Changing Decision

     I was a Senior Vocal Performance/Music Education Major at SMU, Meadows School of the Arts. I thought I had life figured out. I had completed my junior recital, auditioned for Banff and Santa Fe Opera houses, and was preparing for my senior recital. I had finally found my voice. I also was overwhelmed with the idea that I didn't want to be a music teacher, but realized this was my path I had chosen. How was I going to tell my family that I didn't think teaching was my calling? I wanted to be a professional opera singer and wanted to attend LSU for more training (Master's degree in Vocal Performance). I had made my mind up and I was on my way home from SMU to tell my mom I was breaking up with my fiance, moving to Louisiana to pursue a Master's degree in Vocal Performance at LSU, and then it happened: I was hit directly into the side of my Blazer (think small SUV), and I lost consciousness. I don't remember getting hit, but our neighbor was out in his front yard and saw everything. I literally had pulled up in front of my house (we lived on a corner) and a sweet, little old lady did not see me. This car wreck changed my life. I am not bitter, but I am a better Christian because of this life-altering experience.
     I was 23 years old and I thought I knew everything. I was rushed to the hospital, due to this car wreck, but I was going to be okay. I was supposed to sing the next day for a wedding, but luckily, if you are a singer, you always know to have a back up plan. I don't remember who was getting married, but I remember it was going to be a large wedding. I felt bad for the bride, as I had been in a couple of weddings (as a bridesmaid). I knew the stress of planning a wedding and not getting what you paid for, so this was my first thought after the wreck. The reason I thought I knew it all was because I thought I had my life planned out, or so I thought. This car wreck changed my life, and I honestly don't know if I would be a professional opera singer now, but I do wonder "what if".
My brain was mush after this wreck. I had lost vision temporarily in my left eye, due to the pressure on my brain from this injury. My symptoms did not show up (slurred speech and trouble walking) for 3 days. Unfortunately, the ER didn't think to check my brain for internal bleeding, so I went home after this experience. The hospital was negligent and I blame them for not checking my brain. They did x-rays of my knees, ankles, and chest, but they "forgot" to do a CT scan on my brain. I kept asking the nurse why I couldn't see out of my left eye and she said it was only a scratched cornea, due to my glasses breaking my skin and cornea. She was WRONG. This experience changed me as a daughter, sister, and eventually a mom. I was NEVER taking NO for an answer, when it came to my health. How in the world could an ER nurse and doctor not see the pain I was in?
     I had an eye appointment 3 days later to check my cornea, and this is when I was sent back to the hospital. I fell asleep in the chair, woke up, and my speech was extremely slurred. The doctor thought I had a stroke in his office, so once again it was back to Presbyterian Hospital and the Emergency Room. The only thing I remember at this point is the wonderful Katherine Glaze Lyle praying over me and my mom. Katherine stood over us, took my hand, and prayed to God to heal me. From this moment on, I knew God was with me. I knew if I hadn't had my mom fighting for me, I would have ended up a statistic. My mom is a strong Christian, and because of her strong faith, I truly believe she found Katherine right when I needed God's healing grace. The reason I am telling you my story is because without my faith in God, I don't think I would have the life I currently have!
     I now sing for God. I don't sing for anyone else, because without my faith in God, I don't think I would have found my voice again. I had countless people praying for me, and because of them, I am stronger than I have ever been. I never blamed the lady who hit me because she had a lot on her plate. As it turns out, she was on her way home from Presbyterian Hospital and had just gotten her cast off from a broken arm. Her husband had Alzheimer's and she couldn't send him to a nursing home, so she was driving too fast when she hit me. The lesson I learned from this accident was always look ahead, pray for others that don't know how to pray to God for mercy and grace, and always realize that life can be taken away in an instant. Love your family, friends, and pray for those that don't know God. Without my faith in God, I don't know if I would have been healed. I had a major concussion and temporary bleeding, but because of the prayers said for me, I am a fully functional human being. I no longer have migraine headaches and I have the most beautiful 14 year old son from my first marriage (yes I am divorced and now have the most amazing and supportive husband). I don't look back; I thank God for giving me a second chance at life. My biggest accomplishment was going back to SMU and completing my degree in Music. I graduated from SMU, Meadows School of the Arts, on December 16, 2009. This date is significant to me because December 16th is my parent's wedding anniversary. This year, they are celebrating 52 years of marriage.

     God is good ALL THE TIME!!!!!

Growing Up with Autism

Growing up with Autism 

     We have learned just in the past month how people react to those living with a disability.  I can honestly say we moved to a neighborhood that not only embraces Cole's autism, but loves him because he is one of the sweetest, funniest, and intelligent young men I know.  God says don't limit your thinking, which I take to heart.  I have never limited Cole or his thinking, so I feel very fortunate to have finally found peace in my life.  This may sound cliche, but finding that inner peace is so important to maintain balance and harmony for daily living.  I feel very blessed to have found my voice as a singer once again, and it is because of listening to God.  I realized how much I missed singing, and because of an amazing choir at my church, I have been able to re-connect my spirituality through music.  I was trained as a classical opera singer, but I rarely have time to sing professionally, due to my commitment to Cole and my husband.  Family comes first, then career.  I love my life, but I also realize my son is growing up, and I need to let him be independent.  Most parents don't realize how hard it is to let go of the apron strings when having a child with a disability, but the reality of having a teenager in the house makes me want to pull out my hair at times.  Yes I said it.  Cole is a teenager and wants his independence.  I never gave up on Cole, and I sure am glad he has never given up on me.  I can honestly say I am one of those helicopter parents, but because of my faith in God, I am slowly letting go of my apron strings.  

     My granddaddy, Roy Compton, was the reason I never quit singing.  Grand daddy loved opera and because of my love of singing opera, he always wanted to hear me sing.  I never knew the classical song "Summertime" from "Porgy and Bess" would be the song that would comfort him when he had Alzheimer's disease.  I feel this song was a welcome respite from the outbursts Grand daddy would have, due to his Alzheimer's.  I also feel my grandfather's illness prepared me for motherhood.  I have never once questioned God about Cole's autism, but I have wondered at times, why there is so much illness in this world.  Through the test of time, God has always been there for me, but sometimes I just didn't want to hear Him.  I feel because of my faith in God, my life is incredible, as well as Cole's.

     Motherhood is hard.  The time God gives us here on Earth should be cherished and not wasted.  I have been tested by the devil many times, but my faith in God causes me to pause when life throws me a curve ball.  Listening to my inner voice has always served me well, and I continue to pray every day that I listen to my inner voice.  Cole's autism has defined me as a mom, but because of my never-give-up attitude, I press on and thank God for giving us Cole.  I find myself wondering what life would be like without autism or understanding the complexities of this neurological disorder.  However, the teenage heartbreaks and the other worries of motherhood don't really bother me as they probably should:  drug use, sex before marriage, the first broken heart are things that won't affect Cole because of his autism.  I am grateful for God's love, but I am also so very thankful for understanding that God doesn't mess up.

Life and Death

Life and Death

     How do you explain death to a typical person?  I have been struggling to understand how to explain my grief to Cole because a very good friend of mine died this week from cancer.  The reality of death stings in a way that I can't explain because I don't know how to address this difficult "elephant in the room".  I understand death happens, but sometimes sadness overwhelms me in a way that I can't explain.  Cancer has affected me in different ways because I thought I was going to lose my mom to this horrible illness when I was just 14 years old-- the exact same age Cole is now.  I find myself examining my life in ways that I never thought I would:  1. What would I do if I died tomorrow and I couldn't explain to Cole that I am never coming back? 2.  How would my husband carry on without me?  3.  Why is this world so cruel?  4.  How would my parents deal with my loss?  I have come to the realization that maybe, in some small way, my life would live on in Cole, my husband, my parents, and those around me I hold in high esteem.  When I write this blog, I truly want to educate those about autism, but today, this post is about grief and how to deal with it.

     I knew my friend, Linda, was going to die because her husband said it was just a matter of time.  Linda had fallen into a semi-coma due to cancer a few weeks ago.  Her husband, an incredible man of strength, courage, and compassion called my mom a little over a week ago to let us know she was not going to make it.  The ugliness behind cancer is that it doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, white, black, Republican, Democrat, straight, or gay.  I have cried many tears this week over Linda's death because she was such a kind, gentle, giving, and loving soul of a woman.  She never once asked, "why me?".  I know when her doctors gave her two options to try to cure her cancer, she decided to stay in Dallas and kick it to the curb.  The sadness that overwhelmed me is something I wasn't really expecting because we all knew death was knocking at her door.  However, the finalization of Linda's life here on Earth showed me that after death, there is life in Heaven.  I am a woman of very strong faith, but what really scares me is the fact that when I die, how will my son, Cole, understand that I am never coming back?  I know many parents worry on a daily basis about their children that have a disability, because I am one of those parents.  I have many questions that may never have an answer, simply because I love my son and husband more than my own life.  However, each question that lingers in my mind does have an answer.

     Cole is an only child, so he doesn't have a sibling to share things with.  I believe Cole is an only child for a reason:  God picked me and my incredible husband to be his parents.  I wish I could have had a baby with my amazing husband, but truly Cole is our gift from God.  I realize some of you know our story, but if not, Cole was adopted by my loving husband.  I divorced my first husband because of the abuse I endured for seven years.  However, that being said, I decided not to be bitter and find something better.  Our love story is truly one made for the movies:  1. man meets woman at church through the singles ministry, 2. man and woman fall in love, 3. man wants to adopt woman's son, no matter what type of disability son has, 4. woman falls madly in love with man, 5. mom marries man and son walks mom down the aisle at the church where we all meet, and 6. man officially becomes dad six months later through adoption.  My husband is my super hero.  All people should find this kind of love in their lifetime, because if not, you truly are missing out on God's greatest gift.  

     I feel my friend, Linda, found her true love not once, but twice.  She was a widow and met her second husband through dancing at our church.  I will miss Linda every single day, but her memory and legacy will live on through me, my mom, her family, her Red and Pink Hat Sisters, and her husband.  Cancer sucks.  I know there is a cure for cancer.  I feel there are cures to a lot of debilitating illnesses, but I strongly feel these cures will never be unleashed in my lifetime until the American people decide to vote out their congressmen and congresswomen.  How does this all relate?  I strongly believe 99% of our politicians are out to make money for themselves and their family.  I also strongly believe if drug companies weren't making millions of dollars off of the American people through lobbyists in Washington D.C., we would see less greed and more drugs become FDA approved.  That being said, go out and VOTE and make your voice heard.  Politics aside, there needs to be more accountability for those who hold office in federal and state government.  I don't know if I only speak for me and my family, but if we demand change, we will see it happen.  I pray there will be a cure released in my lifetime for ALL illnesses.  God bless you Linda and all of those that have gone before you.

Back To School: The Reality of Living with Autism

     Back to School:  The Reality of Living with Autism

     I will be the first one to admit I do like having a routine.  Cole thrives on a daily and weekly schedule and it gives him comfort knowing what comes next.  I, on the other hand, must have a written schedule to survive.  I haven't written a blog post in awhile because I have been enjoying summer with Cole and my awesome husband!  I am writing this blog today for two reasons:  1. I find it comforting to know there are good people out there to help Cole during summer and 2. I need to write to help me calm my mind.

     We have mostly good days, but there are some days that are just awful.  Yesterday was one of those awful days.  Cole was tired, but we pushed on and went to the gym.  I didn't see what happened because I was doing aerobics, but suddenly Cole's trainer opens the door and says he needs me.  Cole had gotten upset because he spilled water on the treadmill and was in a rage.  I felt awful for Cole and his trainer, but I was very thankful for the fast intervention of getting me.  When Cole has meltdowns, they are terrible.  I know if you are parent or a care giver to a person who has autism or other disability, then you can relate to this meltdown.  However, yesterday was extremely scary because Cole wanted to run down the stairs without me.  The stairs are very winding, open, and are 3 stories high.  I was finally able to calm him down after 30 minutes, but I don't think I have ever been as scared yesterday as I have ever been.  Cole is strong and when he is mad, he is extremely powerful with his strength.  I was embarrassed at first by Cole's meltdown because there were so many people watching, but after a minute of trying to calm Cole, I no longer became aware of the stares.  The unfortunate reality of Cole having autism is the worry I have each day that he will find someone to help him when I am gone (die).  I am truly blessed by an amazing support system with my husband, parents, and friends that love us.  I couldn't get through life without them. 

     Cole is fourteen years old, six feet tall, and weighs 265 pounds.  We received a wake up call in March when he had his yearly physical.  I knew in the back of my mind his doctor was going to be disturbed by his weight, but I thought it would be just one of those visits where I would say, "Oh, we are doing better!  We moved, he exercises every day in P.E., and he eats healthy".  I was wrong.  I was terrified by what I was told next:  Cole is a candidate for weight loss surgery and we have a wonderful pediatrician who is now certified.  You see, I have always battled with my weight since I was a college student.  I never had to worry as a child or teenager (but was obsessed with my weight to the point of becoming anorexic) about how much I weighed on the scale.  However, the scary part of being a parent to child with autism that doesn't like to exercise is a part of daily life.  I have seen with my own eyes loved ones suffer with their weight (too heavy or too skinny) and it truly scares me.  

     Cole's top weight rose to 282 pounds before we (me and my husband) got serious about losing the necessary weight naturally.  We exercised, hired a personal trainer, walked, started eating better, and now Cole has lost nearly 20 pounds.  However, due to family history Cole has high triglycerides, so more blood work is required in six months.  I am baffled as to why his repeat blood work didn't change that much from March, but after much research and reviewing our food journal, Cole eats too much fruit.  I was shocked when I read that fruit can cause high triglyceride levels.  Cole eats blackberries, strawberries, 3 types of grapes, cherries, raspberries, an orange, banana, cantaloupe, watermelon, and baby tomatoes every day.  I didn't realize too much of a good thing could have ill-effects on our health.  I now realize I have to cut down his fruit consumption and add more protein.

     The main reason I write this blog is to educate those who don't understand the complexities of autism.  I am truly amazed by the progress Cole has made since kindergarten.  I am incredibly blessed to have an amazing church that gives us so much for Cole and others who have disabilities.  I am also no longer as scared about his future life because of our church, Highland Park United Methodist Church, and all they are doing for the special needs community.  I still worry about the day when my parents are gone and I no longer have that mental and physical support from them.  I am also, for the most part, at peace with my life because I know Cole is the most incredible son I could ever have.  I thank God each and every day for giving me the insight to find an amazing man who loves me and Cole and supports us in any way he can.  Living with autism is hard at times, but with my faith in God, I truly have the most incredible life.

An Incredible School Year!

An Incredible School Year!

     I have been wanting to write this title, "an incredible school year" for a very long time, but it has eluded me until now.  I write this blog tonight because it truly has been an incredible school year for both me and Cole.  For many of you who read this blog, I started writing because I wanted to change the face of education and all that encompasses those who receive Special Education services.  I can finally say I am beyond happy with the education Cole is receiving.  I didn't have a clue what Cole was learning in the classroom until this year.  I saw very little work from outside the school walls, so I had no idea what kind of education he was receiving until this year.  I can now see as a substitute with my own eyes the curriculum (or lack there of) he was learning from, and I knew he needed more.  Cole and I worked at home, we worked during school when I was his subsitute, and I made sure Cole was being challenged in school, even if it meant staying there to work with him one on one as a volunteer in his classroom.  I felt in my heart that Cole was receiving a F.A.P.E. through 5th grade, but after his wonderful teacher and principal left right after 5th grade, our lives changed.  I shared earlier in the week on Facebook how we were affected by an incident when he was in the 6th grade (you can find it in a prior blog post), a non-compliant Principal, a brand new teacher that didn't understand Cole's learning abilities, and a school that felt like a hospital-- Cole's exact words.  Reflecting back and seeing how far we have come in just two short years is a miracle.  I say this because we have changed our lives drastically in one short year.

     I love Cole's former Principal at his middle school and his former teacher.  I have tremendous love and respect for them, so this made it hard to move.  We were faced with a job loss and a possible move to an entirely different state (New York), which made me evaluate my life.  What did I want as a mom, wife, and educator?  I wanted to be happy and make sure Cole was getting everything he needed, so I researched, called, emailed, and reached out to friends that I knew could help me if we were moving to New York.  After doing a ton of research, we realized staying in Dallas was the best option for us, even without a possible job.  I had no idea an apartment in New York (think 500 square feet) was going to cost us a minimum of $3000 a month, without an elevator, one bathroom, and no laundry facilities.  However, this also made me realize we didn't need our huge house in Dallas (3,300+ square feet) for three people. Facing a move to New York, the place that Cole absolutely loves to visit, was a revelation for me and for my husband that we actually could downsize.   

     I have had two people ask me recently why we moved to such an affluent neighborhood, and my answer specifically has been, and will always be, "why do you need to know?".  I feel people ask pointed questions and are rude for asking me why we moved, but in all honesty, it has really helped me find out who my true friends really are.  I am extremely thankful for all the research I did on a move to NYC.  I feel if I hadn't thought through living in New York for a very long time, we wouldn't have been able to make the move to University Park.  We live in a very quaint duplex in UP and I love it!  Cole can stay home when my husband and I decide to have a date, Cole walks to the grocery store, walks to his personal trainer 6 days a week, and can even walk to church.  We downsized because we felt we had to, and I am beyond grateful for this life-changing experience we had to make for the betterment of our family.  How did our move change my outlook on life and Cole's education?  God has given us the tools to cope with anything, including a serious health issue and a potential job loss.  We had faith God would see us through a layoff and He did.  

     Altering our vision helped us realize that even though life may seem impossible at times, God is always there for us.  We stand strong in our faith, continue to pray on a daily basis, and give thanks to God for all we have.  Life hasn't been easy at times, but it has been extremely rewarding to see Cole flourish at school, have work that is challenging, and make new friends.  I will always believe God saw us through these challenges and brought us closer together as a family.  We were scared, but we made adjustments to make sure we weren't in debt if and when my husband was going to be laid off.  I can see now why God saw us through these difficult times, because Cole is receiving the most incredible education he has ever had.  I never expected to move and I never expected my husband's company to close, but because of our faith in God, our lives truly are the richest they have ever been.  My incredible husband was never laid off, I saw firsthand as a substitute what Cole could receive in HPISD, and I love teaching again.  I don't do negative, because that's not what I am about.  I culled and even blocked a few friendships on Facebook because of their nasty attitude or disposition.  I am happy and my life may look like a fairy tale, but it has been a long road to find that dream come true for Cole's education.  Cole is happy and will continue to thrive because we have found a place and an incredible school system that truly embraces Cole and his learning abilities.  We love our old friends from our former neighborhood and still keep in touch with them, thanks to technology.  However, because of having a broader mindset and vision, Cole has received the most invaluable Free and Appropriate Education (F.A.P.E.) I could have ever dreamed of him having.  Thank you God, for giving us an incredible school year, filled with so many blessings and surprises!  I am one happy mom and wife!     

Heartbroken

Heartbroken

     I didn't realize until now how much Cole loves to perform in front of an audience.  He is a natural and is an incredible singer.  I am not saying this because I am his mom, but in hindsight, I should have seen this coming.  Cole is destined to be on the stage.  I think the reason I am writing this blog post today is because I am hurting for Cole.  I have had days, and even weeks, when I can't sing or perform due to illness.  I am not one of those stage moms who makes her kid perform.  I wish I could take away Cole's illness (coughing and bronchitis) so he could sing today for his school's talent show.  I know there will be other opportunities for Cole to perform, but this one really breaks my heart.  Cole was going to be able to show his friends how much he loves to sing and the staff at his new school how incredibly talented he is.  Cole has never had to cancel or re-schedule a performance, due to illness.  Three years ago, Cole had a viral throat infection that caused him a lot of trouble, but he still pressed on.  Cole's allergies sometimes turn into something more, and since we didn't have one single freeze this year, pollen is really stirred up, which has caused him to miss school.  I guess I am explaining this to the best of my knowledge because I really didn't know singing and announcing was Cole's passion.  He shines in front of an audience and literally has absolutely no stage fright.  I honestly couldn't be happier that he knows what he wants to do for a career (besides work at Burger King and Howdy Homemade--Cole's exact words).  I feel God has put people in our life to guide and support us.  I have witnessed so much in my life that I can only thank God for giving us so much here on Earth.

     A little over four years ago, I started dancing again.  How does this relate to Cole's life?  I met some pretty incredible people because of the amazing Buster Cooper.  Buster was larger than life (even at 5 feet tall!), and came into my life right when I needed him.  Buster Cooper is a legend in dance, and if you don't know who he is, Google him.  I started taking tap from him at the young age of 38, and met some of his students.  Through this experience, I have met Michael Jenkins, head of the Dallas Summer Musicals.  For some odd reason, he said he remembered me as a child and wanted to know what I had been doing.  Fast forward a few years from this conversation, and I have auditioned, performed in front of an audience again, and judged the high school musical theater awards.  Because of this awards show, Michael Jenkins, and Tracy Jordan have given me opportunities to show Cole what life is like as a performer.  These two men have also created something that, I hope, will never go away in Cole's lifetime:  homegrown talent right out of Texas making it on Broadway and Las Vegas.  I have met some incredible people because of my connection with Buster Cooper.  Buster danced right up until his death at the age of 90.  I credit Buster for giving me my life back and the love of tap.  He is the epitome of what life is about:  living it to the fullest.  

     I have had people ask me, why are you friends with so many people?  I think one reason is because I don't know a stranger.  The other reason is because I truly love my life.  I am thankful Cole is the same way (minus stranger danger), because if you just hole up into a cocoon, you aren't living.  I have been through divorce, witnessed death firsthand, had a bad work experience, and was in a terrible car wreck that changed the course of my life at the age of 23.  There were times that I wished I could have crawled into a hole and never lived after 23, but God thought otherwise.  I truly believe God gives us so much, and if we look at the positive side of life (even if you are going through life with a lot of hardships), it makes it easier to process our feelings and love each other.  I thank God every day for giving me an incredible son.  Cole truly is my gift from God, as well as my amazing and awesome husband.  Am I sad that Cole can't perform today?  Yes, because this is what he loves to do.  Will Cole have another opportunity to perform?  Of course he will, because I know this amazing son of mine is destined for HUGE things.

     Don't limit your thinking.  I have been very blessed to have met some incredible people in my life that have shaped me into the person I have become.  I feel God gave me incredible friendships as a child.  I also received unconditional love from my parents, grandparents, family members, and friends I consider family.  I also believe if you are given a family that isn't worthy of your love, you can find people that are worthy of it.  Unfortunately, so many people go through life thinking they aren't worthy of unconditional love because of their childhood or adult relationships they have had with their parents or exes.  Seriously, DON'T LIMIT YOUR THINKING.  I have learned as an adult I have a number of friends that don't believe or think they are worthy of unconditional love.  Our world is losing touch with society, thanks to social media.  However, if you limit your thinking, you may never know what opportunity is right around the corner for you.  I met my husband ten years ago, and because of the unconditional love he showed me and Cole, I am living the most incredible life.  I really didn't think I would marry again, because of my bitterness I had towards my ex-husband.  God turned my life around by giving me the tools to cope and to seek help through an incredible therapist, and because of her, my life is wonderful.  The reason I am stating this is because sometimes we go through life without realizing we need help.  I am not a therapist, but I do hope my blog posts help you realize you are human.  I couldn't get through life without my faith in God, the support and unconditional love of my incredible husband, and my parents.  TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

    Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

     Having a child that has autism, at times, can be very stressful.  Cole can become an entirely different person at a moment's notice without any warning.  This scares me because there is a trigger than goes off in his head and then he starts scripting.  For those of you who aren't familiar with this term, scripting means the person who has autism will imitate what they see or hear on television, the computer, or radio.  Unfortunately, Cole has pulled up some YouTube videos (even after I have put a block on them) that are not pretty.  My sweet young man may revert at a moment's notice and imitate Jesse Ridgeway, aka McJuggernuggets, or Tourette's Guy from YouTube.  For those of you not familiar with these YouTube characters-- yes they are paid to make these videos for YouTube-- they are exhibit destructive behaviors.  Cole is brilliant because he can imitate a voice or commercial that is relevant to life, but when that trigger goes off, he will script either Tourette's Guy or Jesse Ridgeway, which is very scary.  I use different methods to calm him down, such as a countdown and snap my finger to come back to me, but sometimes it may take 20 minutes for him to get back to his "normal" place.  The most scary part about  Cole scripting is he can change into one of these people.  I understand why he does it, but the outside world doesn't understand our banter.  I make it into a game when we are in public after I have disciplined him (talked to him in a calm voice).  The outside world can be scary for anyone, but for those living with autism, coping is a skill that needs to be relevant and enforced at school and at home.  I get scared, at times, when we are out in public and one of his "characters" appears.  We have visited the police station in our neighborhood so they know us.    We are lucky to live in a neighborhood that accepts us, but at times, we still get the stares. 
     Why am I writing about this aspect of Cole's autism?  I have had one of those moments that I feel needs to be expressed, because autism is not going away.  There is no cure for autism.  Autism is a spectrum and syndrome that appears differently in every person that has it.  I doubt in my lifetime, there will be a "cure" for autism.  I am one of the lucky parents who has a child that is very sweet most of the time.  There are many families that may never hear their child speak, and for them, I weep.  Cole was non-verbal for nearly nine years.  I am grateful for music (as it broke his silence), because he can tell me things he needs, wants, and desires.  However, it is also scary when he reverts to Tourette's Guy or Jesse Ridgeway.  I feel overwhelmed at times because parenting is hard.  I do my best as a mom, because that's how I was raised.  I don't give Cole a pass, simply because he has autism.  We have had moments where I have had to walk out of a room because he needs his alone time.  I understand his behavior, but others don't.  I am blessed to have a husband that supports my parenting and encourages Cole to be the best human being he can be.  There are moments when I want to crawl into a corner and cry, but I don't have that luxury when Cole is around.  I have cried once in front of Cole, because I felt it was necessary for him to see me get emotional.  I am a very strong woman, but there are times I do want to be fired.  Cole uses this term, "You're fired", because he thinks it's funny. 
     I never want to be the mom that gives up on her child, simply because of a behavior that may not be conducive to real life.  I know I will never give up on Cole, but there are times I have given up on me.  Being a good parent is hard; being a great parent to a child living with autism is extremely hard.  I know God picked me to be Cole's mom, and I feel I am doing a great job.  However, don't forget the moms and dads raising kids with learning differences because, yes, it does get lonely for us.  I stay busy because it helps me stay connected to the outside world.  I have never given up on Cole because he deserves the best.  Do I expect the best from Cole?  You better believe I expect Cole to do great in school, at church, and home because he has been given tools to succeed in life.  Today's blog post is about understanding what your child needs:  unconditional love.  You may never know how much they need to hear you say "I love you".  Unconditional love is a gift.  Tell people you love them, because you never know what they are going through.  I tell Cole and my sweet husband I love them every day because they are my gifts from God.

Learning Through Music

Learning Through Music

     I have learned a lot in six months as a substitute teacher in Highland Park ISD, as well as Richardson ISD.  I didn't know I would be hired as a substitute teacher in both of these school districts when I applied for a teaching job.  The realization of teaching in an urban school district, such as Dallas ISD, taught me the value of parental support, as well as administrative support in and out of the classroom.  The school I taught in Dallas did not have a PTA and an extreme lack of support by administration.  I have heard it is slowly changing, but since I no longer work at this school, I just don't know.  Many schools in large districts are not equipped with parental support, not because the parents don't care; many families come to the U.S.A. seeking a better life for themselves and their children.  Families seek refuge from their country because of war and terrorism. I feel I am a better teacher because of my time in Dallas ISD, but I can also say I am a better parent because of my time as a teacher in Dallas ISD.  What I am about to share with you is real.  I only write my blog only to help people.  You can ignore this blog post, if it's too real for you, but this is life.

     I share this information with you because I want to educate parents, teachers, family members, and anyone who will listen because I have learned a lot in my 42 years of living.    What I do know is this:  there are families who do not care if their child/student is passing or failing.  The reason I say this (and I am sure I will hear from some of you) is because they feel burdened by their child's existence.  Teen pregnancy is on the rise, girls mistake love for sex, and boys tell girls they love them, only to satisfy their need.  This cycle will never be broken if we only preach "no sex before marriage".  Kids are having sex and we need to educate them about safe sex.  Why am I bringing this topic up?  The main reason I bring up the topic of teen pregnancy is it relates to our culture:  kids having kids.  I have witnessed teen pregnancy as a friend, but also as a teacher.  What our society is becoming is very scary to me:  we are not educating students in the classroom.  There are students who can't read, do basic math, or comprehend what teachers are trying to teach because they don't have support at home to encourage them to read or do their homework.  Many kids come from broken homes, so I made it a mission to not only embrace my son's friends who come from single parent homes, but I also made sure I educated them about safe sex and the importance of receiving a college education.  I am very proud of my son and his friends because they are actually listening.  You may not agree with my parenting, but we live in a world full of cynicism, hate, and bigotry.  I love my son and his friends, and I feel by showing them what unconditional love is, they receive an education you can't find in any school or book.  That being said, I have always listened to God and His word.  I know we can't preach in school or get the word out about Jesus, but I totally feel if families embraced His love, kids and families would be much better off. 
     My husband and I made a family decision nearly a year ago to cut out cable television and focus on our family with Cole.  I realize now that television is nothing more than wet journalism, full of commercials trying to sell the latest and greatest toy or pill that will make your life better.  I knew when I was pregnant with Cole, we would be watching Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, Electric Company, and Mr. Rogers because that is what I grew up watching.  What I did not know is how we would get sucked into the other popular kid shows such as Mickey Mouse Club, Bear and the Big Blue House, Dora the Explorer, and Spongebob Squarepants.  Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed watching these shows (except Spongebob) with Cole, but they were clouding my mind.  I wanted more for Cole.  I knew early on I wanted to be outside and enjoy nature, so I made it a point to walk nearly every day with him until he started Kindergarten.  I knew by age 3, Cole was different because he wasn't talking like his other friends, but I just chalked that up to television and being around adults.  I later realized I understood Cole and what he wanted by pointing to things, but I also came to the conclusion that I needed to get him help.  Cole would not be diagnosed with autism until the age of 6.
     I started reading to Cole when I was pregnant and we also listened to the classics.  Each time I played Vivaldi's "Four Seasons", Cole would literally dance in my tummy!  I now relish these sweet memories because Cole now loves listening to other types of music, but will occasionally listen to my classical music.  I knew when I had a baby, this child would grow up knowing and listening to the greats:  Beethoven, Mozart, Saint Saens, Bach, Puccini, and the Russian Five.  I am thankful that I had the opportunity as a college student to learn about these composers and their contribution to society.  What I did not know is that I would have a child with a disability.  Cole loves all types of music, but what I did not know is that music would break his silence.  I am blessed because I received an incredible education at Meadows School of the Arts, SMU, and I am able to share my love of music and history with Cole.  However, for families that are not educated, their children may never realize their potential and all they have to offer as a contributing member of society.
     I am not a pessimist, nor a negative person; however, I am a realist.  I believe we need to integrate classical teaching into curriculum in the state of Texas.  This will never happen in my lifetime, but I can make sure my son receives a classical education, even if it's outside of school.  Do you ever consider home-schooling your child?  I wanted to home-school Cole from the time he was five years old, because I wanted to shield him from the realities of our world.  I also realized he needed a lot more help than I was able to give him.  I am now a certified special education teacher because of my son.  I could write a book about our life and the education we both receive on a daily basis, but I feel I am still not ready.
     I know by writing this blog post, I am educating people.  My prayer is that the families who don't know who to turn to for help with their children will read this blog.  Reading, writing, math, and comprehension is something that can be taught at school and home.  Without knowledge, education becomes mute.  Without wisdom, knowledge is lost.  Please read to your children, play classical music, offer help to kids that really need a listening ear, but most of all,  be an advocate for all.

Why I Choose God As My Role Model

Why I Choose God As My Role Model

     I continue to learn about God and why He chose me to be Cole's mom.  I am in utter amazement of my son, simply because he now can tell us what he needs.  Only five short years ago Cole didn't communicate with us what he needed or wanted.  Cole didn't even script, which now makes utter sense to me as a child living with autism.  Autism shows up differently in every single person I have known.  I feel by "labeling" a child or an adult living with autism, you not only limit their thinking, you limit your ability to see what that person is capable of becoming.  Fifteen years ago I had no idea what God had in store for me when I read that little stick that had a positive sign-- I was pregnant.  I still remember to this day knowing I was pregnant, but I hadn't done the test to see if I truly was pregnant.  I felt so many emotions from the moment I saw Dylan, my now 15 year old precocious nephew, and the look on Nanny Comp's face when I told her I was pregnant.  Nanny's reaction:  "Well I thought you were getting a little pudgy.  I can't wait to see what God gives you."  I told her that if we had a boy, he was going to be named Roy-- after her husband and my granddaddy.  The moment we found out Cole was a boy, I knew he was going to be Cole Roy.  Fourteen years later, Cole Roy still amazes me.

     I know this is controversial to talk about, especially when I proclaim Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, but if I didn't have my strong faith to rely on, I don't know where I would be today.  I have some friends that aren't Christians and I don't tell them how to live their life, but I know if I didn't have Christ in my life, I wouldn't grasp the fact how much I am loved and how He has taken care of me during my hardest times.  God loves us, no matter what color we are, who we vote for, or what kind of house we live in.  I am not an ordained minister, but I do know this:  without God in my life or my family's life, I wouldn't have the most amazing life I have today.  God is my strength, my security, my refuge, and my comfort not just when I need Him, but when He helps me see what I need to do to succeed in life personally and professionally.

     I know God personally picked me to be Cole's mom, and I also know he picked my husband to be his dad.  My husband is the most amazing man.  He not only married me, but he took on the role of father and husband the minute we started dating.  People tell me, how did you find such an amazing love?  My answer is this:  I listened to my heart, I made a list with the qualities I was looking for in a spouse and father for Cole, and I forgave my ex-husband for all he had done to me.  Yes, forgiveness is not the easiest thing for me, but I knew in order to find true happiness, I had to search my heart and forgive all who had hurt me, including my ex-husband.  I won't get into my personal story about my prior marriage, but know it was not good.  I am thankful to God every day for helping me get out of that relationship.

     I write this blog to help others.  You are not alone.  God is always with you.  Trust in Him and you won't be alone.  I think what scares me the most about living in the 21st century is knowing that so many people, including those running for the office of the President, don't stand firm in their faith.  I wish we had better choices for our next President and I wish the mud-slinging would stop.  You may not agree with former President George W. Bush's ideas or policies, but I will say this much:  He is a man of God.  I will go on the record and say, YES, I did vote for George W. Bush because he is a Christian.  Again, I don't tell people who to vote for, but I believe our country would be so much better if we had a President who doesn't waiver in their faith.  Stand firm:  don't give in to bullies or terrorists.  George W. Bush didn't back down to them, so why should we settle for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?  Yes, I said settle.  Money talks, but God is watching us.  I will love God with all my heart, because that is what I stand for.  

     Cole loves God and it shows in his actions, words, and behavior.  I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be.  God chose me to be Cole's mom, so I will always strive for perfection.  Cole is the most amazing young man and I am thankful to have God on my side helping us raise a kind, gentle, soul.  I pray God heals our country and gives us a leader that isn't a racist or a liar.  Why should we, as Americans, sit idly by and settle for mediocrity?  We can do better!  Congress, I implore you to stand up for those that work hard.  CEO's of Fortune 500 Companies shouldn't be paid huge salaries.  That being said, hard work should be rewarded.  What happened to America?  Greedy corporate America is what happened.  I don't proclaim to be a Republican or a Democrat.  I vote for the person that has my best interest, and as of right now, I feel I could run this country better than Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.  That is all for now!

What I Have Learned As a Mom and Teacher

      What I Have Learned As a Mom and Teacher

     I enjoy writing about my experience every year at the annual T.M.E.A. convention, but this year I find myself wanting to write about my experience as a substitute teacher in the classroom.  I am always humbled by those who ask me, "why do you do what you do?".  I like to present workshops that are practical and offer insight to teachers that want to know how I teach "those students" who have a disability.  I have seen a shift over the years as an attendee and presenter at T.M.E.A. because many teachers are getting sick of workshops that want to sell the latest and greatest curriculum and/or technology.  This year was different.  I was shocked and impressed by the offerings this year for teachers who don't know how to deal with the student who has a disability.  I had a much larger turnout for my workshop than I was expecting, but after witnessing a standing room only crowd for five of the six workshops addressing students with special needs, I was not surprised.  My amazement turned into a reality:  teachers and some administrators are finally listening to us and see the need to address learning through music for the special needs learner.
     I do not have the nerves of steel like my son.  Cole has no fear when it comes to performing, talking to an audience, or engaging in conversation with a large crowd, so I try follow his lead when speaking.  This year was no different:  I had only ten minutes to get set up, microphone in place, and make sure my Power Point was ready to go with the projector.  I was a nervous wreck, but because of my amazing husband and son, we pulled it off without too many issues!  I feel truly blessed to have these two men in my life because they balance me.  Cole was ready to perform, my husband calmed my nerves, and we were ready to go at 6:30 p.m.  Little did I know my worry would turn into extreme joy when two musicians started us off:  music truly calms me and I am forever grateful for Tony and Frankie Rodriguez and their amazing mom, Erin!
     I learned a lot when I returned to SMU to complete my degree in Music Education, but as a mom to a son living with autism, I learn something new every day.  Music may have broken Cole's silence, but it also gave him a very powerful voice.  I am passionate about creating a universal music class for those who have a disability.  I have witnessed miracles and because of music, specifically "Jersey Boys", my life has been forever changed.  There are many roadblocks when creating a universal music classroom, but I think some people finally understand why we need this.  I want to keep encouraging music teachers, music therapists, principals, and administration in Texas to support this idea.  We have a universal p.e. class, a universal art class, so why can't we have a universal music class?  I know this can be created, but I encourage you to speak with your law makers. 
     What is a universal music class?  A universal music class describes how students from general education join students with disabilities during their modified music class, because learning could be best achieved for those who cannot participate in the general classroom setting. This alternative solution could be a great problem solver for the student and teacher in creating a rewarding learning experience for everyone involved. The universal music classroom should be created with four clearly outlined goals, in order to achieve positive outcomes for the student and the teacher.  Obviously, this would take a lot of planning, timing, and creating on both the special education teacher’s part, as well as the music teacher, because there is no such blueprint in Texas for this sort of class.  My goals and blueprint for this much needed class are:

1. Outline a class that uses musical concepts with music therapy ideas.
2. Explain what inspires you as a music teacher and offer a basic curriculum outline.
3. Outline exactly what a teacher can do to create a curriculum for modified music offerings.
4. Document all resources used and state where teachers can access them.
     
Obviously, I have put a lot of thought into this new idea, but I have seen this done in a self-contained setting.  I love teaching students through music, and if the state of Texas can wrap their brain around this brilliant concept, we are all winners!  Please talk to your administrators, music therapists, and special education teachers about this idea because it is a much needed class for those who are disabled.  Thank you T.M.E.A. for giving me the opportunity to present my workshop, "Reaching the Special Needs Learner Through Music."  Albert Einstein once said, “It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge”.  All students should be afforded the right to experience music, awaken their inner selves, as well as create beauty amongst others who may have a cognitive, physical, or learning disability.

Beauty from the Inside

Beauty From the Inside

     I find myself revisiting a topic many people don't address in today's society:  beauty from the inside out.  I truly find it pathetic that in order to "fit in" or be considered beautiful, many women, young and old, think they must wear the right clothes, have the right purse or bag, and then alter their appearance with botox or plastic surgery.  I haven't taken time off for myself in a long time to just "veg out" in front of the television, but as I turned on the tube this morning while eating breakfast, something scary caught my eye.  I thought I had turned on a repeat of the Halloween show with Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan, because I truly couldn't believe this was the same Kelly I grew up with as a young Haley on "All My Children".  I thought she was wearing a mask, because I kid you not, her face doesn't move.  I may be living in a bubble, but do men and women really find this attractive?  I may receive a lot of comments after this post, but I feel this topic needs to be addressed:  Hollywood, PLEASE stop insisting that women need to look young in order to be in front of a camera.  Let women be women and grow old gracefully, like my grandmother and great aunt did.  

     The emphasis on looking beautiful on the outside really makes me ponder my inner self:  why do women think they need to look like a freak in order to feel good about themselves?  I thought I would be blogging today about my experience at T.M.E.A. and my workshop, but I am truly disturbed by Kelly Ripa's appearance.  Does she think she is beautiful?  My opinion is only one of many, but to my disdain, she has ruined her bubbly appearance by botching her face with too much botox.  I grew up as a secure young girl, not trying to fit in with society because I loved playing sports, getting really dirty at our farm, and not bathing for days because that was what life was about as a child.  Reality hit when I entered middle school:  in order to fit in, you must look a certain way, act a certain way, wear designer clothes, and play the part in order to be "popular".  I tried to fit in, but I just couldn't sacrifice who I was-- the athlete who loved to sing.  I am grateful for the support and unconditional love my family and Coach King gave me.  Middle school and high school was hard for me, simply because I never followed the crowd.  I can only imagine what it is like now, 30 years later, for those students trying to find their way, all because of the pressures of looking beautiful on the outside.

     I will be 42 in less than a month and I think I look great for my age!  I may have days that I am just so tired that I look every bit of 42, but because of my inner self, I am happy.  God gave me a beautiful face, so why would I want to "enhance my features" for the sake of others?  I think what Kelly Ripa has done to her face and body is nothing short of disgusting and an inner feeling of major insecurity, simply because she feels she needs to look the part for television.  My advice is this:  be comfortable in your skin, don't take crap from others, and be happy with your inner self.  Only you can change you.  It has taken me nearly 42 years to embrace the body I currently have.  I am thankful for a very strong faith, an inner peace, and comfort knowing I don't have to look a certain way in order to fit in.  

     I love my life and I wouldn't change a thing about it!  However, for those of you who aren't satisfied with your life, the best advice I can give you is love you for you, don't listen to that inner voice that is telling you negative things, stand up for yourself, and believe with all your heart you are priceless.  I had to go through a lot of counseling just to find out that I am "normal".  Surround yourself with people who have your best interest, realize that your family may not have your best interest, and take time to get to know yourself.  Once I realized I needed to love myself, flaws and all, I was able to marry the man of my dreams and have a life I could have only dreamed about.  God laid out a plan for me, and I truly believe that by following His word, I have the most incredible life now. 

Educating the Whole Child: Special Education is not a Label

Educating the Whole Child:  Special Education is not a Label

     My life as a mom never stops-- even if I am teaching.  I am extremely grateful for wonderful influences, support outside the classroom, as well as friends who get me.  However, this blog post is not about my friends who have children living with autism; this post is about reality and raising a son who has autism.  I know many can relate to this, because you walk the walk every day.  For those of you who don't know what it's like to live with a family member who has a disability or autism, take a walk in our shoes for one day.  I do what I do as a mom, wife, and teacher because my son and husband deserve the best.  I believe God gave me Cole because I couldn't love another human being more (besides my amazing husband, Cole's dad).  

     I feel I need to write this, simply because people are ignorant.  My husband, son, and I moved over Christmas to a very cozy duplex in University Park.  I have had numerous people ask me why we moved.  My answer has been vague and I have said it's because we needed to downsize from our big home-- yes our very big home, because my husband's company sold in April.  This is partly true to an extent, but the main reason we moved is because I wanted the BEST F.A.P.E. (Free and Appropriate Education) for Cole.  We searched and toured private schools last year, because I knew he was going to need more in high school.  I applied as a substitute in Highland Park ISD as well as Richardson ISD and to my surprise, both school districts accepted my application.  I was shocked and impressed with Highland Park ISD so much that I knew this was the right school setting for Cole.  

     Many parents of children living with autism will understand why we moved.  I have two very good friends that have home schooled or moved because they wanted the very best education for their child.  I considered home schooling Cole, as I appreciated the curriculum that was presented to me by the wonderful Carol Reynolds, but I knew Cole needed interaction with others.  I don't want to put in writing how amazing the special education program is in Highland Park ISD, but I feel beyond blessed to have found the right school setting for Cole.  My son is brilliant and he finally has the right curriculum that addresses his autism.  I have cried many nights over the years wondering if he truly was receiving the best education possible.  Early intervention and education about autism is something that should be addressed in ALL pre-schools and pre-school PTA's.  For those of you new to my blog, each school district in the state of Texas has a program called PPCD (Pre-school Programs for Children with Disabilities).  I did not know this until Cole entered Kindergarten.  Cole's first pediatrician didn't know this either, nor did his speech therapist (new to the area).  I feel this information needs to be shouted to the rooftops, because early intervention is a must for any child living with autism.

     I now digress, because we didn't have PPCD until Kindergarten.  Listen to your gut, don't take no for an answer, and realize that if your child is different, it's okay.  I knew in my heart Cole was different, but that didn't mean I didn't love him any less.  I feel as a music educator and now special education teacher, I should have known Cole had autism.  Looking back, I can now clearly say he had autism from birth.  Robert Giesler and I knew there was something different.  We worked together to make a plan for Cole.  What did Cole need and how was he going to receive help at the young age of 3?  Neither of us knew Cole had autism, as he didn't show all the symptoms of a true diagnosis.  Once Cole started Kindergarten, he was finally diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder, PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified).  Looking back to the year 2007 (when Cole started Kindergarten), I would have never known the barriers he was going to break, simply because I could only live day to day and not year to year.  

     Our story is nothing short of a miracle, because we lived outside the box.  Cole has been to New York too many times to count on one hand, has experienced learning in so many different settings, and has been educated outside the classroom on so many occasions that I have lost count.  I don't regret one minute taking trips during the school year, because who can say they got to visit the Smithsonian and learn about outer space, the judicial system while in session, and actually meet Ben Stiller while in New York?  Because of Cole's real life education, he has been able to meet some pretty amazing people, engaged in hands on learning, as well as make friends from all across the U.S.A.  I feel because of the hands-on learning outside the classroom, this is why Cole has flourished in life.  He amazes me every day, and because of music and "Jersey Boys", his silence was broken at the age of 8.  Cole only said three words, pizza, Star Wars, and sh-- (you fill in the blanks) and what shocked me more than anything was that my son found his voice through Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  

     I will be sharing my knowledge, truth about living with autism, and how music broke Cole's silence on Friday, February 12th, to a packed audience in San Antonio, TX.  Why did God pick me as Cole's mom?  I truly believe it is because we really are the same person with a lot of the same tendencies and eccentricities.  We act a lot like each other, we could be twins in looks, and our personality is one in the same-- we don't know a stranger!  Educate the whole child:  don't write off the student who is brilliant, but just hasn't found their voice.  Autism is not something that can be cured, but through intervention, an open mind, and loving heart, it can be manageable.