Heartbroken

Heartbroken

     I didn't realize until now how much Cole loves to perform in front of an audience.  He is a natural and is an incredible singer.  I am not saying this because I am his mom, but in hindsight, I should have seen this coming.  Cole is destined to be on the stage.  I think the reason I am writing this blog post today is because I am hurting for Cole.  I have had days, and even weeks, when I can't sing or perform due to illness.  I am not one of those stage moms who makes her kid perform.  I wish I could take away Cole's illness (coughing and bronchitis) so he could sing today for his school's talent show.  I know there will be other opportunities for Cole to perform, but this one really breaks my heart.  Cole was going to be able to show his friends how much he loves to sing and the staff at his new school how incredibly talented he is.  Cole has never had to cancel or re-schedule a performance, due to illness.  Three years ago, Cole had a viral throat infection that caused him a lot of trouble, but he still pressed on.  Cole's allergies sometimes turn into something more, and since we didn't have one single freeze this year, pollen is really stirred up, which has caused him to miss school.  I guess I am explaining this to the best of my knowledge because I really didn't know singing and announcing was Cole's passion.  He shines in front of an audience and literally has absolutely no stage fright.  I honestly couldn't be happier that he knows what he wants to do for a career (besides work at Burger King and Howdy Homemade--Cole's exact words).  I feel God has put people in our life to guide and support us.  I have witnessed so much in my life that I can only thank God for giving us so much here on Earth.

     A little over four years ago, I started dancing again.  How does this relate to Cole's life?  I met some pretty incredible people because of the amazing Buster Cooper.  Buster was larger than life (even at 5 feet tall!), and came into my life right when I needed him.  Buster Cooper is a legend in dance, and if you don't know who he is, Google him.  I started taking tap from him at the young age of 38, and met some of his students.  Through this experience, I have met Michael Jenkins, head of the Dallas Summer Musicals.  For some odd reason, he said he remembered me as a child and wanted to know what I had been doing.  Fast forward a few years from this conversation, and I have auditioned, performed in front of an audience again, and judged the high school musical theater awards.  Because of this awards show, Michael Jenkins, and Tracy Jordan have given me opportunities to show Cole what life is like as a performer.  These two men have also created something that, I hope, will never go away in Cole's lifetime:  homegrown talent right out of Texas making it on Broadway and Las Vegas.  I have met some incredible people because of my connection with Buster Cooper.  Buster danced right up until his death at the age of 90.  I credit Buster for giving me my life back and the love of tap.  He is the epitome of what life is about:  living it to the fullest.  

     I have had people ask me, why are you friends with so many people?  I think one reason is because I don't know a stranger.  The other reason is because I truly love my life.  I am thankful Cole is the same way (minus stranger danger), because if you just hole up into a cocoon, you aren't living.  I have been through divorce, witnessed death firsthand, had a bad work experience, and was in a terrible car wreck that changed the course of my life at the age of 23.  There were times that I wished I could have crawled into a hole and never lived after 23, but God thought otherwise.  I truly believe God gives us so much, and if we look at the positive side of life (even if you are going through life with a lot of hardships), it makes it easier to process our feelings and love each other.  I thank God every day for giving me an incredible son.  Cole truly is my gift from God, as well as my amazing and awesome husband.  Am I sad that Cole can't perform today?  Yes, because this is what he loves to do.  Will Cole have another opportunity to perform?  Of course he will, because I know this amazing son of mine is destined for HUGE things.

     Don't limit your thinking.  I have been very blessed to have met some incredible people in my life that have shaped me into the person I have become.  I feel God gave me incredible friendships as a child.  I also received unconditional love from my parents, grandparents, family members, and friends I consider family.  I also believe if you are given a family that isn't worthy of your love, you can find people that are worthy of it.  Unfortunately, so many people go through life thinking they aren't worthy of unconditional love because of their childhood or adult relationships they have had with their parents or exes.  Seriously, DON'T LIMIT YOUR THINKING.  I have learned as an adult I have a number of friends that don't believe or think they are worthy of unconditional love.  Our world is losing touch with society, thanks to social media.  However, if you limit your thinking, you may never know what opportunity is right around the corner for you.  I met my husband ten years ago, and because of the unconditional love he showed me and Cole, I am living the most incredible life.  I really didn't think I would marry again, because of my bitterness I had towards my ex-husband.  God turned my life around by giving me the tools to cope and to seek help through an incredible therapist, and because of her, my life is wonderful.  The reason I am stating this is because sometimes we go through life without realizing we need help.  I am not a therapist, but I do hope my blog posts help you realize you are human.  I couldn't get through life without my faith in God, the support and unconditional love of my incredible husband, and my parents.  TO GOD BE THE GLORY!