All You Need is Love: Straight or Gay

All You Need is Love

As I write this blog, I am fully aware that I am not the "super mom" I intend to be.  Sometimes, I try to do too much in order to make my son happy, and I realize that life can change in an instant.  I really don't know how to start this topic, so I am just going to throw this out there for thought.  

I feel Cole has great friends, and along the way I have made some lifelong friends simply because they have taught their kids love with no boundaries.  I grew up in church always believing that God loves all of us-- straight or gay.  People can take out of context what love is, but it doesn't matter if a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman.  Cole doesn't know black or white, straight or gay, simply because he is so full of love for everyone.  I grew up in the Methodist church and it has always been my rock-- just knowing God loves me, even if I had been born gay or straight.  I have so many great friends that happen to love each other and happen to be gay.  I have been taunted at times for my Christian beliefs and how I support gay marriage and equality for all.  Does that mean I am gay?  No.  I simply see what love is and pray for the day that every single state in the U.S.A. ratifies marriage for all.  

The reason I bring up gay marriage in my blog is because I feel any outsider that is different should be afforded the same respect and love.  I love my kid and my husband, but sometimes I feel I am still an outsider to this big, big world.  Cole has differences and strengths that other kids don't have-- he doesn't gossip, he kisses all of his friends on the head, simply because that's who he is, and he is not a bully.  I believe Cole has taught so many about empathy, love, and understanding because his brain and heart is so big!  Love is love.  Hate is hate.  The world we be a much better place if everyone could just love everyone.  I am not saying people shouldn't fight and agree to disagree, but that at the end of the day, we can love each other, one day at a time, flaws and all.  

I really didn't mean to turn this into a love fest, but as I witness the love Cole shows his friends, they return it to him tenfold.  Every morning this week, Tyler, Ella, and Aidan are waiting for Cole ready to give him high fives and tell everyone who received the most love from Cole.  Running to get to school just to see this amazing compassion and love astounds me each and every day.  The little things are what matters in life.  High fives, kisses, and handshakes are the little things that make life a big deal.  Don't let life pass you by without giving that extra handshake, kiss, "I love you", or hug, simply because you don't know what each day brings.  

Schedules

Schedules

     Alright, so if you haven't figured out by now, my brain can be like Cole's:  extremely focused on just one thing, but scattered in many pieces at the same time!  Cole is so focused when it comes to talking about New Year's Eve, who pushes the button with the mayor of New York City (Cole keeps up with every single mayor of New York City from Ed Koch, Rudy Guiliani, Michael Bloomberg and now Bill De Blasio:  f.y.i. Sonya Sotomayor pushed the button this year instead of Bill De Blasio) and the guest who is with the mayor), so I know he gets this from his "autism" brain.  He first started doing his countdown at age 3-- I would have to say this was his first verbal connection to the world.  He would become fixated, almost in a trance, when watching the ball drop on New Year's Eve on the computer.  He even taught himself different languages and how to count down in Mandarin Chinese (they have this in Tai Pei and Tokyo I believe), Russian (thank you Kremlin), Spanish (this one is quite a hoot, as Cole found this on the Spanish station in Miami, Florida!), and German-- his favorite phrase now is, "Ich Liebe Dich-- Nein, Nein, Nein, Nicht", which means "I love you-- no, no, no, and no!  Cole is brilliant and I always knew he was brilliant, but he is in special education and has been since kindergarten.  Remember how I said Cole can stay focused on just one subject?  This is why he needs to be in special education.

A good friend of mine, Marsha, asked me to write about how we write Cole's I.E.P.-- in layman's term this is an Individualized Education Plan, specifically written into law that allows Cole to receive the best education in the state of Texas without bias or prejudice.  The best thing about Cole having an I.E.P. is he learns what his peers are learning in the general classroom, but at his own pace.  I will digress here, as I know Cole's I.E.P. backwards and forwards, as we have been creating this masterpiece since Kindergarten.  Cole is now in the sixth grade and is doing great in school for the most part, but without his I.E.P. and his teachers following it, he would have fallen into the cracks and labeled as "stupid"-- more about that later.  We first started with the basics Cole needed to survive and eventually thrive in the classroom.  Cole didn't know how to ask for help or even know how to go to the bathroom in Kindergarten, so we put in his first I.E.P. that he needs help going to the bathroom.  The second thing we did was to make sure Cole has always had a picture schedule-- something EVERY PARENT should require and ask for in their child's I.E.P.  The picture schedule has been a huge help to Cole and he still has one-- even at church in his special needs Sunday School class!  The picture schedule allows Cole to move freely onto the next subject or activity, without losing too much in between.  When Cole does get frustrated, his teacher reminds him to check his schedule, use his words, and use his picture schedule to express what he's feeling.  The picture schedule is just not any ordinary schedule:  inside his laminated folder, Cole has pictures of people that express happy, sad, angry, and excited.  I know Cole has had a great day when the teacher sends home a note in his paper schedule to me that has happy and excited circled and says he has had a great day!  This makes me the happiest mom to see how Cole is thriving in the classroom.  The next big issue I make sure Cole has in his I.E.P. is that he is allowed to do the "countdown" to calm himself down, without any repercussions in school.  The countdown always seemed to work when Cole would get worked up-- we used to have to do this on a daily basis at home too.  Cole now doesn't have his meltdowns, he just gets angry and voices his opinion, which I love.  Yes, even when Cole gets angry, he can now voice this, which was, I thought, unteachable and unrealistic.

   Yes, I said the word stupid.  Cole has been bullied this year a few times that we are aware of.  The technology world can be cruel:  a new girl this year, I will call her "S", called Cole stupid and a retard on Instagram.  When I found out, I took up the matter with said girl "S", told Cole's girls what was going on, and also addressed it with the counselor at Cole's school.  The reply I got from the front office (who will remain nameless), told me that I was out of line having lunch with Cole on the stage because there was one too many girls eating with us.  I basically told both people "staff" to fuck off-- excuse my language, but I get really mad when my baby is bullied.  I asked both staff if they were aware what was going on at their school?  To my chagrin, Cole's school has changed a lot, and not for the good unfortunately.  My strategy was to find out who this "S" was and why she was calling Cole stupid and a retard.  I REFUSE TO PUT UP WITH ANY KIND OF BULLYING, EVEN FROM STAFF.  The front office and staff knows I don't play or put up with bullshit-- there's the word again!  I eventually was told-- no joke-- that they don't police the "internet" to see what is going on outside of school.  I took matters into my own hands and asked for Cole's friends to help.  Cole's friends are my lifeline to his world at school and if it wasn't for his friends telling me, I would have had no clue.  Cole has told us once (just last week) that he was being bothered in the boy's bathroom, so you can only imagine what I did when I found out:  camped out at his school, let the Principal and Cole's teacher know what was going on, and that it was in his I.E.P. that he is allowed to use the staff bathroom with an aide.  I always follow up with an email and sometimes a certified letter to make sure I get my point across (a much needed paper trail if they don't follow Cole's I.E.P., respond to my request because it's state law, because if something is in an I.E.P. and it's not being followed, the school is held accountable by law).  We are beyond blessed to have such a cultivation of friends that look out for Cole in and out of the classroom.  I am forever grateful to these kids and their parents, because without them, I would have no clue what is happening at school.

Cole's friends are his rock-- his boys and girls are what keeps Cole in line, happy, but most of all, he is their rock and an example of how to treat ALL people.  This year, Cole has gotten scolded at school because he loves to kiss-- this comes from New Year's Eve.  Cole imitates Dick Clark (who is now deceased) and his wife Karry kissing on New Year's Eve, so naturally he has tried to do that with his friends-- girls and boys.  Luckily, his friends take it in stride and he only kisses them on the head.  He is instructed to just give hugs and handshakes, but my son is not the "normal" definition of autism.  He has always loved to kiss, so naturally we have had to teach him how to do not do this.  Next year, he will be in middle school and I do worry some he will try to kiss the wrong person and then havoc may ensue.  Oh, the perils of hormones, New Year's Eve, and Dick Clark!

I may not have written much about Cole's I.E.P., but in general, if you want something for your child, put in writing.  When attending an ARD meeting-- Annual Review and Dismissal (short for we need to have a meeting to discuss Cole's (student's) new I.E.P. and his goals), you can request anything that benefits your child in the classroom.  One example that was given to me-- no joke!-- is that if you request a purple pony because it helps your child focus and learn in the classroom, then the school district has to provide it.  I know this sounds extreme, but when trying to find a balance and understanding for what your child/student needs, you need to put it in writing.  Also, you have five days to review the draft I.E.P. before signing off and agreeing to the I.E.P.  I HIGHLY recommend doing this-- taking it home and reviewing it (also bring a notepad to jot down notes), as you may miss something in the A.R.D. that you catch at home.  This has happened to us once and I am forever grateful for having those five days and reviewing it.  The other thing you must ask for in writing is excused absences, due to therapy.  I found that out this year, simply because I am becoming quite the educated mom and teacher, thanks to the group S.A.G.E. in Richardson I.S.D.  S.A.G.E. stands for Special And Gifted Education.  There is this wonderful lady, Alicia, who has campaigned for us-- the kids who are special in their own way-- and I thank three women in particular for making this happen:  Alicia, Rachel, and Emily.  Emily first introduced this group to me last summer and it has been a life saver for me and other families.  The world we live in is always changing and it is so nice to know that we aren't the only ones wanting the best education for our kids.  They are pitbull and tiger moms and I am forever grateful for their friendship and support.  We are all in this together, whether our kid is gifted or considered special-- autism, dyslexia, or asperger's.  

Alright, so this blog was a little long, but I will be in San Antonio for about a week, seeing my crazy music friends, digressing about the next "big hit"-- meaning Barbara Hill-Moore, what are you going to do next?, and having a great time with Charlie and Cole.  As I wrap up my first week about living with autism, I didn't realize two things:  how therapeutic this is for me, and how I am actually making a difference in other people's lives.  

Next up:  cannabis and how it can help people medically with autism.  Thank you, Shawn, for helping me with this subject!  For now, peace out and happy Valentine's Day week............

Is is really Saturday?

Is it really Saturday already?

This blog will jump around a lot-- just like my brain!  Today is Saturday, February 8th, 2014, and I have finally been able to sit down for the day.  Did I mention it is 9:30 p.m.?  I have noticed a pattern in my Saturdays lately:  wake up, head out the door for Zumba, get home in time to shower, then see what Cole needs.  I have the sweetest husband, who will remain nameless simply because he is a very private person, but let me re-iterate how beyond blessed and lucky I am to have him in my life.  You see, he knows that I love Zumba on Saturdays because it lets me be me-- wild and crazy in a somewhat normal setting.  I love my instructor, Brandi, because she has the most infectious personality and could turn any dance/song into something fun-- even if you were in the bathroom!  This part of my weekend really gets me started off right-- most of the time!  Charlie gives me those two hours to let me unwind and have time away from Cole.  Yes, I said it-- time away from Cole.  

I am not a pessimist-- for those of you who know me, you know I am quirky, funny, crazy, and simply take life as it comes!  However, I am human.  Cole is a great kid, but as any mom can attest to, we all need "our time" to unwind.  That time to unwind for me is Zumba.  Cole can be a handful and to escape his moodiness (and mine too!), I work out.  Last year, I think I overdid the working out because I came down with walking pneumonia and nodules-- the temporary death for a singer!  I have realized that I need to listen to my body more, so I have taken the exercising down a bit.  Yes, I have gained weight, but I am still in great shape!  The best thing a person can do for one's self, while caring for anyone, is to take care of themselves first.  I love Cole, but in order for me to be the best mom and wife, I slowed my pace down a little this year, because I was so tired.  I try to be superwoman and fix everything for everyone (including a handful of kids that love Cole), but my happy conclusion to my happy life is to just be me.  You only have one life, so live your life to it's fullest.  

Alright, so now as I digress about Cole's progress and how he is doing in 6th grade at age 12 is simply amazing.  He just said, "What happened?"  I know that if I reply back to him, he will say, "don't say I don't know".  I can get impatient with Cole when doing simple things (for me-- not him), like getting dressed, cleaning his room, taking a shower-- that's a HUGE one!, but I realize Cole is Cole and I am Erika.  He gets as frustrated at the computer (his number one love besides music) as I can get at times at Cole.  The one thing I have to remember is that Cole is just catching up with his speaking and talks a lot now.  This sound of Cole rattling off his "credits and funding for PBS kids", "host of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve", or "5-4-3-2-1, Let's have a parade! (think Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade), makes me very happy.  I know this may sound weird to an average "normal" person, but it's music to my ears.

Now, I know I am not God, but I know there is One.  I put my faith in God everyday, which is how I get through each and every day.  I am not telling you how to live your life, but I know if I didn't pray to God, I would be in a much darker place.  I will admit I had to see a counselor for awhile, just to get my life back together and to make sure I was okay.  Seeing a therapist/counselor, isn't a bad thing.  I thought at first, it showed me that I was a weak individual who didn't know how to deal with life, but in the end, it was one of the best personal decisions I made-- it helped me realize I wasn't broken and that I was destined to marry my husband.  I am thankful for a job at that time that basically forced me into seeing a counselor, and out of this experience, it helped me realize my self-worth.  Cole has always been a blessing to me, but I never took time for myself to fix me.  Being in a tumultuous first marriage made me think I was a bad person, and that I didn't deserve to be loved.  I thank Susan for helping me realize that love was always there-- all I had to do was open my heart to the most amazing man, because he loved me and Cole.  We married on May 21, 2012, and I have never regretted this decision EVER!!!!!

What an unexpected surprise!

I knew yesterday (Thursday, February 6, 2014) that I wasn't going to send Cole to school today, simply because it was getting bad on the roads in Dallas, TX.  To my chagrin and surprise, I got two text messages and one phone call alerting me at 6 a.m. this morning that his school district had decided to close!  I am very thankful for them canceling school, simply because I didn't want to have to deal with writing an "excused absence" note to the front office about why we weren't at school.  I won't go into details, but we have had a rough year at Cole's school, due to so much change.  You see, change is becoming a "normal" word in our vocabulary this past year because Cole's world (mainly my world too) was turned upside down.  Our beloved principal, Laurie Taylor, left Cole's school.  Laurie was like this super human who has a heart of gold and always put her students and staff's needs above her own.  I knew she would be missed by many, but Laurie's absence really left a void in Cole's life and mine.  There are no words to describe this woman who really should be given a Peace Prize.  Laurie is a class act and Plano, TX, is beyond blessed to have Principal Laurie Taylor.  We wished her well in her pursuit for greener pastures (not so much drama in Plano), but her leaving left a huge hole in my heart and Cole's.  Also, Cole's special education teacher he has had since 2nd grade left for Plano as well.  We didn't know about Allison's leaving until two weeks before school started, so that was quite confusing for Cole.  However, we have seen Allison and she is doing great!  More change was becoming common place at Merriman Park Elementary, Cole's second home and school since first grade, and some change has been good, but unfortunately most of it has not.  

Change is not something that is easy for some who have autism.  I don't have autism and change is hard for me.  However, without change, there is no progress towards improving education and life.  That being said, I don't believe Cole is receiving the stellar education he has in the past, simply because there has been so much change.  The general education teachers for sixth grade are both named Ms. Thompson, which threw Cole for a loop (and me!), the school was completely remodeled, which first resembled a hospital-- Cole's own words, and then we had to deal with a change in administration-- I am not going into detail here, simply because I want Cole to finish sixth grade with a positive experience, but it has not been good, to say the least.  I try to be a good mom, wife, and daughter, but at times, I let my emotions get the best of me.  I am truly blessed to have the support of so many people, who know what we have gone through-- good and the not so good.  Change is good, when we look for the best in change.  All I can say is when Principal Taylor left, the good in this situation is that Cole is excited about going to middle school with his friends next year.  That is the good in this situation!  However, we do have a really good special education teacher.  I have never been disappointed in Cole's special education teachers and aides.  They have all been top notch!  

Alright, so now onto Friday, no school, and trying to explain to Cole why we won't be going to see the Lego movie in 3-D today, because it's icy and snowing outside.  Only in Texas do we have below freezing temperatures one week, then 60 degrees the next day (or week).  Happy Friday and I will write more soon.  It is time to pack for my yearly music teacher convention-- T.M.E.A.  This convention is huge (think 20,000 plus people)!  I look forward to this every year, simply because I get to catch up with my friends, find out the latest in technology to help Cole with his singing career, and keep my all-level music teacher status "highly qualified" in the state of Texas.  The last comment is one that I am very proud of-- I had to go through a battery of tests to receive my all-level certification in music.  More to come, but I must finish for today.  Stay safe and warm and happy February!

More craziness in our world: The rise of "Jersey Boys"

Day two of this blog-- what am I doing?

Alright, so here it is the second day I am collecting my thoughts and wondering what I should write next.  I find it strikingly funny and laughable (a word I am using every day now, as instructed by one of the many pastors from our church) that the font of every page says the word "normal".  What exactly is normal?  I only know my normal, which is so different than most people.  I strongly believe looking back at my childhood, I was destined to be a star on Broadway and be famous.  I would always sign my name as a young child (think six years old), Erika-- this name is going to be famous some day, on EVERYTHING!  I had no idea what life had in store for me, but I was always fearless in everything I pursued.  The reason I am delving into my childhood is because it gives you a clear picture of what kind of person I am today and how my childhood shaped me into the woman I have become.  

Growing up in middle class suburbia, White Rock, in the heart of Dallas, TX, was my first taste of how "normal" wasn't normal.  I loved to sing and fortunately for me, our counselor, the wonderful Virginia Conaval (not sure how to spell her last name!) at my elementary school, Lakewood Elementary, saw that I was talented enough to pursue music in and out of school.  Ms. Conaval was a retired opera singer and saw something in me that nobody else did (besides me).  I will be forever grateful for this amazing woman and showing me how to be strong, despite adversity.  My friends were jealous of me that I landed the only female role in the musical at my school in sixth grade, so naturally I had to acquire a thick skin. I remember when I was in the fourth grade, I tried out for the talent show.  Mrs. Conaval wanted me to dance for the talent show, because I was trained in Highland dancing (think Celtic dancing with black ballet shoes), and that was something that was so different and unique.  I told her I would dance on one condition-- let me sing too!  I remember getting up in front of my peers, singing a capella (no music-- just my voice for those of you who don't know what a capella means) the song "Tomorrow" from the musical, "Annie" and leaving everyone speechless.  This song lead me to my first audition for the Dallas Summer Musicals of "Annie" at age 10.  I tried out for "Annie", with every other 10 year old girl from Dallas, Fort Worth, and beyond.  I made it to call backs (even the finals!), but didn't get picked.  I hated rejection and blamed it on my tap shoes-- yes-- tap shoes!  I had practiced for so long, literally I would wake up, eat breakfast, put on my tap shoes, and tap from morning until night, that I had multiple blisters on each foot.  I had learned my lesson-- next audition I would refrain from practicing so hard!  My family and I were on vacation in Estes Park, Colorado, when I found out I had made the show as an understudy, but it was too late to join the cast.  The Dallas Summer Musicals had left me a message on our answering machine (remember this is 1984 when technology was basically obsolete), telling me that practice started for Annie and they needed me.  I would sing all the way to Estes Park, dreaming of one day when I would make it to New York and be on Broadway. This was my first taste of reality in the entertainment industry and it sucked.  I wouldn't make it to New York until I was 21.

The reason I am giving you my music history (just a glance) is because music is what gave my Cole a voice.  Cole said a few words by the time he was two, but not many.  Nanny Comp., my grandmother and most amazing woman I have ever known, swore Cole said "Halleluiah" at 3 months old!  Nanny Comp was nearly 97 when she died, and my mom said if we (her grandkids) kept having babies she would have made it to 100.  Cole and I would visit Nanny Comp everyday, and I miss her visits, her voice, and her optimism.  She was my rock, but she was more than that-- she had been a part of my life, as well as Granddaddy, since I was born.  Unfortunately Granddaddy Roy died in 1994, from complications of Alzheimer's.  Cole is named after his maternal grandfather-- Cole Roy Warren.  Roy Compton was an angel on Earth and I hated to see the disease, Alzheimer's, ravage his gentle soul and wonderful heart.  My mom and I were the only ones he remembered, and I feel his presence everyday.  I think Granddaddy's Alzheimer's disease was preparing me for Cole.  Cole is a very sweet and loving child, but at times he can have his meltdowns-- who doesn't?  Any terminal illness is terrible to witness, but I truly think Alzheimer's has, and always will be, my most hated illness.  Trust me-- I have seen it all.  My mom had stage three breast cancer when she was 43, my daddy had heart surgery when he was 52, and I was in a near fatal car wreck when I was just 23, so I have seen it all.  Alzheimer's sucks, but so does Autism.  

Cole's first word was shit.  Yep I said it.  Shit was his first word (age 2) because the vacuum cleaner had stopped working (think smoke coming out of it!), and this was the first word he said because my mom said it.  Unfortunately, we both laughed and laughed because we knew it was his first word.  Cole completely imitated my mom-- voice inflection and everything!  I learned from that moment that I had to find things to connect with Cole.  For two weeks, Cole would look at my mom and say this word.  I have never been more grateful for the English language and how much we laughed over Cole's first word!  Mom and Daddy were not words he uttered, so of course, this frustrated me; however, I was just happy he said something.  A few more words came later-- Cole was four years old when he started to say "pizza, hamburger, Star Wars", but I knew in my heart there was something that was missing.  Cole could manipulate a computer like nobody else (he helped me with my power point presentations when I returned to SMU), but he couldn't, or didn't, want to talk. I just chalked up Cole's non-verbal communication to my talking-- I spoke for both of us, and living in a household full of talkers, he could barely get a word in edge wise.  

I pursued Cole's pediatrician as I became more worried about his progress by age 4.  My divorce lawyer was four years old when he started talking, so I thought no big deal, Cole will talk when he's ready.  Cole was never ready to talk.  We went to Park Cities Language and Pathology Center and they didn't do us very much good.  I thought we were going to have Dr. Elizabeth Wallace, but she was always booked.  Nicole, I think that was her name, was Cole's speech therapist.  Nicole didn't want to be there, as she had just moved from New Orleans and missed her boyfriend, so I knew I had to do something.  Looking back, I wish I had known about PPCD in Richardson I.S.D., as this would have been the best fit for Cole.  I was ignorant about programs for kids who have language and learning differences/disabilities in our school district, simply because it wasn't broadcast.  I was a member of many organizations in R.I.S.D. and White Rock Elementary Early Childhood PTA, and they didn't tell me about PPCD until Cole attended White Rock Elementary in August 2007.  I could have had a diagnosis of autism for Cole as early as three years old, but to my chagrin, he wasn't diagnosed "formal evaluation", until two days before his sixth birthday.  The BEST ADVICE I can give anyone is to PURSUE what is right and find out the best fit for your child.  You are their voice and advocate.  I tell parents on a weekly, if not daily basis, to rally for their child because they know what is best.  Cole was in the regular classroom in kindergarten for three months because he had to be evaluated by the school district.  I am glad we had his evaluation done early, as it can take up to 90 days to determine placement.  I was a single mom, with help from my very dedicated boyfriend (now husband), and the support of my parents; but that little voice that echoed in the back of my head kept me awake many nights.  What was I going to do for Cole to make his life better?  I took Cole with me when he was just three years old to Boston and New York City to experience life as I had-- traveling the U.S.A. was something I could give him and I did just that.  He saw everything imaginable, but still no words, until one day-- "a tune popped into my head, I wrote down some dummy lyrics, and the world exploded".  These are the words that changed my life and Cole's life.  

"Jersey Boys" is a musical that was brought to life by Frankie Valli, Bob Gaudio, Tommy De Vito, and Nick Massey-- better known as "Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons".  This musical hit Broadway in 2006 and swept the Tony Awards-- against some fierce competition.  The Tony Awards is like the Super Bowl of music-- if you win a Tony Award, you have made it on Broadway.  I am so grateful for this musical, the lyrics, and the music.  "Jersey Boys" is what opened my eyes to what clicked with Cole.  Cole researched John Lloyd Young (first Frankie Valli to win the Tony award) on YouTube and Cole's world exploded.  Cole can tell you anything and everything about John Lloyd Young and ANY cast of "Jersey Boys".  The reason this sticks in my mind so clearly is because these were the main words he said continuously on a daily basis.  I bought the CD from the original "Jersey Boys" cast and bought Cole an adult's small t-shirt (he wore it as a nightshirt because he was only 5)!  One morning as I was getting ready for work, I popped in the CD to wake Cole up.  By the time I had gotten home-- 6 p.m., Cole had the ENTIRE CD memorized-- cuss words and all.  This was my first taste of how to break through to Cole.  Little did I know that this kid would have the voice of angel.  Cole is now 12 years old, sings German, Spanish, and English because these are the languages that were translated to "Jersey Boys".  Cole thinks he is going to be the next Frankie Valli in "Jersey Boys" and I am going to help him in any way I can get there.  He is THAT GOOD.  Cole has autism, but it doesn't stop him from what he loves:  sing.

Our Journey and living with Autism

"It's a boy and he has a ton of hair"!  These were the first words I heard on Wednesday, November 28, 2001, at 10:37 a.m. after enduring 27 hours of hard labor.  My son, Cole, was a healthy 7 pound, 11 ounce, 21 inches long baby boy and was healthy, despite being in the birth canal for over 30 hours.  I did not choose not to have an epidural, but it just so happened that my epidural didn't work-- 27 long hours of labor with no pain medication can make a woman go crazy and a bit insane!  The only thing I remember is I went in on a Monday, November 26, 2001 and was induced!  I was on bed rest for four weeks, because Cole had decided he wanted to come early!  After being on bed rest for four weeks (and moving at 8 months pregnant-- not the best idea!), Cole decided to hold off the weekend before I was induced.  I was ready for this kid to come into the world, just because I was ready to be a mom.  Little did I know, I would have to endure a very painful labor, a not-so-supportive (now ex) husband, and the drama of dealing with incompetent doctors and staff.  I have always thought this journey into motherhood prepared me for the unknown-- surviving, living, and now thriving with a son who happens to have autism.

Autism is a word that has become common in my vocabulary today, but it was not something that was discussed in my household until Cole was 10.  I won't delve into my personal life, but I knew when Cole was 3 there was something special about him.  When Cole was just one years old, my brother Shawn said, "you do realize this kid is a genius?".  I thought Shawn was kidding, but looking back on these words, he was right.  Cole is a GENIUS who simply didn't use words to communicate, but used his brain and a computer to communicate with me.  Cole's world has always been a different world, which was always a happy place-- a place I took comfort in just knowing this kid was mine.  In a perfect world, everyone loves everybody, there is no hate, and there is no animosity towards any race, disability, or sexual preference.  This being said, we live in a very imperfect world, but I have tried my best to see the best in everything and do the best as a mom and now a wife.  My very loving husband of nearly two years loves our son-- he adopted Cole when we got married nearly two years ago.  I prayed every day that I would find my soul mate and best friend in my next husband.  I didn't think I would ever marry again, but I am forever grateful for opening my heart and giving it to this most amazing man-- he completes me and loves me and Cole beyond words could describe.  

Okay, so enough about my personal life, our journey is a long one, so this will be the first post of many more to come.  Feel free to ask me any questions (I am a pretty open book, if you don't already know), and I will do my best to answer them!  Did I mention Cole didn't speak many words until he was 8 years old?  You ask me why he decided to speak?  I can honestly say I don't know, but I do-- it was the music from "Jersey Boys" that opened Cole's world to an entirely different reality.  "Walk Like a Man" was our savior and I still can't believe to this day Cole now has friends over on a daily basis, wanting to learn music, hanging out with us, and enjoying this ride I call life.