Advocating For Change
Cole is now officially a 7th grader! Graduation was a rite of passage not only for Cole, but for all of the families involved with this momentous occasion. I am exhausted, but happy that my son made it through sixth grade without too many meltdowns this past month. Obviously, the last day was emotional simply because people are moving onto different schools and we won't see our friends at Merriman Park on a daily basis. The reality is now sinking in that time flies by in an instant. My son is now a seventh grader and within a blink of an eye, he will be a senior in high school ready to conquer the world (or so I think). What many parents often don't understand about autism and the families it affects is the long-term. What are we going to do for Cole when he turns 18 and he has graduated from high school? Just yesterday, I was talking with other parents about trade school and how it is not emphasized enough in junior high or high school. There are many kids that don't want to go to college, or don't know what they really want to do with their life after high school. Some parents know about trade or vocational school, and agree with me that a lot of students would benefit from them.
The main question I am addressing here is how do we as a community embrace those schools and companies that want to train and hire people to work straight out of high school? Simple: educate middle school and high school counselors/staff members about the importance of job skills that can be utilized inside and outside a classroom. I know when I was in high school, we took these "tests" that told us what we should focus on after we graduate from high school. By now, you know that I don't like tests because they don't measure what one is capable of doing or achieving in life. When I took this test, it said I would be a great lawyer or teacher. Really? I considered law school briefly, but I wanted to be a professional singer. I don't know if these tests are accurate, but obviously I became a teacher. I do ponder going back to school to become a lawyer, but I just don't think I have it in me. God has called me to be Cole's mom and that is a full time job. Our world needs to realize and embrace that "college is not a one size fits all" solution for those that have learning differences or physical disabilities. I know many kids in Cole's general education class that would benefit from home economics and shop class, simply because they don't have that drive to go to college. We need electricians, mechanics, chefs, and hair dressers just as much as we need lawyers, doctors, and teachers. Our world is a big melting pot of culture and diversity (especially in this great state of Texas). We need to emphasize job skills and promote this diversity in our school and work environment, simply because our world needs so many people to wear different hats. My son is brilliant on computers and I tell him every day, you can either be a singing superstar (he wants to play Frankie Valli in "Jersey Boys") or a computer genius working for Non-Pareil Institute. He is happy to pick both of these jobs, simply because he loves both equally.
This blog was created to address certain concerns and needs parents have when their child has autism. I am not an expert or claim to be an expert when it comes to the medical side of diagnosing and treating autism, therefore these next comments are simply statements I believe as a mom. Just this week, I have had parents ask me, "when did you know Cole had autism?". My gut was telling me that something wasn't right when he was 3 1/2 years old. I thought Cole's lack of communication was due to many ear infections (12 in one year) and that he might be slightly deaf, due to these ear infections. Cole's pediatrician never addressed autism, simply because Cole didn't show the signs of autism until he was four years old. Cole could point to things and say "want", but I was helping him communicate. Autism was not in the public eye ten years ago, so I didn't really know what autism was. The local magazine, "Dallas Child", ran an article about autism when Cole was four, and I read it over and over. I thought this article addressed autism, from a clinical point of view, but as a mom, I was still in denial. There were so many traits that Cole did NOT exhibit as a child with autism. He said hello, gave hugs and kisses to me, made eye contact when we would take his picture, he loved to eat and had a very well-balanced diet (most kids with autism are very picky eaters), and he loved to dance! I did notice, however, that Cole lined up his toys, did not maneuver the stairs well, and had very limited speech. These three things made me wonder if Cole had autism. Robert Giesler told me that Cole needed help. We are continually blessed by this man and I honestly don't know what I would have done without him or his knowledge. I asked Robert if he had ever heard of autism and he said yes, but that he didn't know much about it. I next turned to the internet and I wished I hadn't. The internet should not be your "go-to", one stop shop for everything. I say this with conviction (even though this blog is on the internet!), do NOT read everything or believe everything you read online. The best advice I received was from a friend: "Make sure Cole is social. The best thing you can do for your son is to make sure he has friends, even if it's just one best friend." This was the best piece of information I could have ever received. Dr. Merrill (she is my dog's vet and her nephew has autism) is one of the sweetest people I know and because of her, Cole is one popular guy!
I have been crying all week, simply because it has been such an emotional roller coaster this year. I never thought in a million years we would not graduate from Merriman Park Elementary without Laurie Taylor. She was Cole's advocate, voice, and friend. This Principal was one of those people that comes into your life for a reason-- God put her there. I was so disillusioned this year by the lack of warmth, sincerity, or lack of understanding from the current Principal at Merriman Park Elementary. This blog was not created to bash the Principal, even though some people think it was. My son deserved better treatment this year. I was angry the first two months of school, simply because I couldn't get any answers from her as to why Cole's I.E.P. was not being followed. I did not want to throw Cole's D.P. teacher under the bus, because she was new and a very sweet person. I now know how strong I am, simply because I felt like David from "David and Goliath". I may be just one voice, but if other parents like me speak up, we will see change. Change may not be tomorrow or even next year, but change is coming. I firmly believe and stand by my convictions as a mom and autism advocate that change is coming to R.I.S.D., simply because there are so many of us that are not going to be quiet.
Okay, so it's time to grab a kleenex for these next two paragraphs. Cole went from being this shy kid at White Rock Elementary as a kindergartner and has blossomed into this amazingly, talented young man at Merriman Park Elementary. There were many people that have changed Cole's life and have richly blessed our lives as well. Rhonda Barnes was Cole's very first kindergarten teacher and she was the perfect fit for him. Cole next moved onto Heather Miller's PPCD Kindergarten class and she was a very good fit for Cole. Cathy Hanson was Cole's D.P. teacher for his first and second grade years at MPE and we still love this woman! Pat Minter was Cole's private speech therapist from K-6th grade and I don't know what we would do without her. Allison Ausema was Cole's D.P. teacher for part of second grade, third grade, and fifth grade. Allison was one of those rare gems that you find who really helped Cole blossom as an individual. Mr. Larry Owens was Cole's teacher (just like Allison, he started as an Aide) for fourth grade. Mr. Larry was an incredible teacher and had the kindest heart. We miss Larry, but we know he is doing great! Leslie Dominie was not Cole's teacher, but was a great upper level D.P. teacher at MPE. She demanded and expected her students to always do their best.
I would also like to mention those aides that have really impacted Cole's life, simply because they are the ones that are in the trenches every day with these kids. Danielle Lawhorn, you are the perfect example of God's love. You give to all of your kids, without expecting anything in return. This woman has been my rock, simply because she always has my back and Cole's. Sarah Krolczyk, you love Cole unconditionally and still do. I was (and still am) convinced that Cole would not be potty-trained if it wasn't for you! Christie Young was new this year, but she stepped in like she had known the kids all her life. She is a giving and wonderful person and I am a better person because of her. Mr. Victor, oh Mr. Victor! He was the first person we met at Merriman Park Elementary and had a heart of gold. Mr. Victor left last year, due to health problems, but he was a man of God. Mr. Dalone was in our life for a brief time, but he tried to help all of the D.P. students. Amy Foxman, the current behavioral teacher (her second year) at MPE is the smallest person with arms of steel! She has the most amazing spirit, loves her kids, and gives so much back to MPE that we will truly miss her warm smile and positive attitude next year. One other person I would like to thank is Mrs. P-B. This woman is a saint. She is one of the resource teachers at MPE and pushed Cole to always do his best. Sometimes Cole did not like to work, but Mrs. P-B always made sure he got it done, without too many meltdowns. Mrs. P-B was there for me this year when Cole would have his meltdowns (at school and at home). She has this calming nature that could soothe a crying baby to sleep. Cami Welch, another great Resource teacher at MPE, gave her time and heart to Cole. Cole loves Ms. Welch, simply because she loves music and she loves Cole. Aileen Holman, where do I even begin to start? She is the speech therapist at MPE and always told me about Cole's day. I don't really know how to put into words what she means to me. Thank you to all of these people (including Principal Laurie Taylor, Coach Brooks and Mrs. Becca Bryan) for enriching our lives and helping Cole be the best young man a mom could ever hope for!
Cole received a standing ovation at graduation and I was in tears when I witnessed this amazing outpouring of love. Cole is loved. As a parent, I am overwhelmed by how far Cole has come since kindergarten and am truly blessed by how many friends he has. Cole says all of his boys are his best friends and that he can't just pick one. I feel like I continue to advocate for Cole, but Cole now has a voice and it is a strong one! He amazes me with his spirit, his positive attitude, but most of all, his unconditional love. He loves EVERYONE. I hope I have had something to do with that, simply because I try to live my life as God would want me to: love unconditionally. Sometimes love hurts. I have trusted many people in my life, but I have learned the hard way that sometimes I should have listened to my inner voice. There are some people in this world that just don't care who they hurt, simply because they think they are right. I really feel for those people that don't have support at home, simply because as an adult, they are going to raise snobby, selfish, and mean kids. I hope I encourage kids on a daily basis to always do their best. This world is a better place because of my Cole. Thirteen years ago I was pregnant with this amazing kid and I wouldn't change my life for anything. Cole is who he is, simply because he knows he is loved unconditionally. That is a great feeling! I am so proud of my son and I look forward to our next journey: Forest Meadow Junior High!!!!!!!!!
