Music is our saving grace (subliminal message: VOTE!)

Music Is Our Saving Grace

     I don't know where I would be in life today without the gift of music.  There are some people who admit they don't have a musical bone in their body, and to me, this statement makes me sad.  Without music, how do we survive life?  The Beatles, my favorite musical group, are the reason I love music.  They are still inspiring people to this day with their popular songs, simply because it is great music.  Cole loves The Beatles!  Last night, as we were taking our nightly walk in our neighborhood, he started singing, "All You Need Is Love".  The irony about this song is I titled one of my earlier blog posts, "All You Need Is Love".  My son amazes me each and every day.  I manage a girl's band, "The Bebop Girls", so when one of the girls asked me if they could do a duet together consisting of Beatles songs, I jumped at the chance to say YES!  Music is my saving grace when I get down.  "When words fail, music speaks".  I decided to use this as my motto and quote for this specific blog, simply because music speaks to my heart and soul.  My son sings like an angel.  I will not deny he has pure talent.  My husband and I have decided to let Cole pursue his dream to become a professional singer, which is not something we take lightly.  Growing up singing on a daily basis is something I did and it made me very happy.  However, after that first failed audition (or so I thought I had failed it since I didn't land the coveted role of "Annie"), I thought I was a failure.  I want to make sure Cole enjoys music, even if he thinks he fails at something he is truly gifted at doing.

     I am not your typical stage mom.  I will admit I was a pageant veteran in the Miss Teen Texas and Miss Texas pageants, but these experiences taught me what I wanted to do with my life personally and professionally.  I don't think many of my friends know that I always wanted to be Miss America.  The pageant is quite different now, but back in the 1980's--1990's, I was glued to my television once a year in July to see what each contestant was going to sing.  I knew in 1990 I was going to be the next Shannon Shepard.  I idolized Shannon the minute she opened her mouth to sing.  She had a God-given gift.  If I could just borrow her CD, I thought I could be the next Miss Texas.  Her song was a medley of "Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art".  Shannon never won Miss Texas, but was always an inspiration to me.  She won every talent portion of Miss Texas, but was always that runner-up-- just like me.  I was an opera singer and I never thought an opera singer would win Miss Texas during my time, but Reagan Hughes was the first one to break that barrier.  My life as an opera singer was so fulfilling, simply because I loved to sing!  Winning the title of Miss Texas, I thought, would give me everything I dreamed of:  a career as a professional opera singer, a platform I believed in (Alzheimer's Awareness), and the notoriety that came along with the title of Miss Texas.  I have learned a lot from the Miss Texas pageant system and I am grateful I didn't win Miss Texas.  I was meant to do other things with my life.  I thought I had dealt with some major blows growing up as an entertainer and singer, but I realized early on, life was more about living.  Miss Texas helped me with my interview skills and also helped me with poise and confidence.  Without Miss Texas, I don't think I would have had the confidence and courage I have today.  Miss Texas was only a dream that I could pursue when I was in high school and the first three years of college.  I didn't seek out help with my talent, simply because I knew what I was going to sing.  I decided early on "Summertime" was my go-to song.  The first time I sang "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess, I won the talent portion of my local pageant.  I sucked at my interview, so this is why I was 3rd runner up.  That being said, my local pageant set me up to realize what I needed to do to win the next pageant I entered (or so I thought).  The main reason I am going on about my pageant experiences is because it taught me about myself.  I never won a local pageant.  I never bought into the idea that I had to buy "services"-- dresses, bathing suits, interview coaching, swimsuit and fitness private trainer to become the next Miss Texas.  I love Miss Texas, but I loved myself too much to put myself or my parents through this.  My only regret is that I didn't buy into the idea of having an interview coach, simply because it would have been very helpful to me in my later years.  My son has autism.  Autism is not a curse.  Autism is something that just happens to certain people.  I believe if Autism had been somebody's platform in 1980's-1990's, I may have listened more to my gut.  Miss Texas 2010, Ashley Melnick, has a brother with autism.  Her platform was raising awareness about Autism.  She was an awesome Miss Texas and should have been Miss America!  

     Do you know that one out of forty-eight boys now are diagnosed with some type of autism?  People seem to be alarmed by this statistic.  I am not worried about it, simply because autism has always been there.  Doctors, therapists, researchers, and specialists now know what autism looks like.  There are some commonalities when looking at a kid who has autism.  We went to the most awesome park this past weekend, Hope Park, in Frisco, TX, and it is a park designed specifically for kids who have learning and physically disabilities.  The concept is brilliant:  include everyone who has a disability and give them a park to play at with their friends who can enjoy Friendship Park.  A mom (who else would have thought up this brilliant idea?) saw her child struggling (she has Down Syndrome) when they would go to the park because her siblings were playing at the playground.  Her daughter would struggle to play with her siblings at the normal playground, so her mom came up with this idea and called it Hope Park.  The story is beautiful, so if you want to read about it, I am including the link to her story!  You can find her amazing story here:  http://hopeparkfrisco.org/the-history-of-hope-park/.  I wish Richardson would consider something this amazing, simply because I have never seen my son more happy on a Saturday afternoon!  He LOVED the park and wanted to stay outside for hours.  This joy that was brought to us is simply a miracle.  

     Okay, so I veered off a little today from our title:  Music is our saving grace.  I don't know what I would do without music.  Cole is my songbird and can think of songs in his head, sing them out loud, or create his own music on his iPad.  My son is BRILLIANT!  I have been so blessed by one teacher friend individually-- her name is Becca Bryan.  She has been a constant friend to me, to Cole, and to my husband.  She inspires me to no end.  She is a wonderful music teacher, inspiration to so many kids and adults, and is a fabulous wife and incredible mom.  She is my superhero, simply because she gets it.  I have been fortunate enough to visit her classroom twice this past week!  Mrs. Bryan let me present the 6th grade talent show to both her 6th grade classes and I can't thank her enough.  I didn't realize how much I missed teaching in a classroom setting, but because of Becca, I love teaching again.  She inspires me to be a great mom, singer, and wife.  She loves music, has the most infectious spirit, warm smile, and I love her simply because she loves Cole.  She loves life and you can tell she has a genuine love of music.  I also love Mrs. Klein.  She was the one that first heard Cole sing, "Walk Like a Man" in class.  These two women know what Cole likes and they inspire him to be his best every day.  I feel these two women should share teacher of the year, simply because they nurture my son and inspire him to pursue what he loves to do-- sing!  They are both wonderful teachers and I am blessed to call them both my friends.

     I have been asked to turn my blog into a book.  I don't think I am ready to do this, as I have so much more to write.  When I think I am ready to write a book, you will be the first to know!  I really don't know why I started this blog about living with autism, but I am just guessing it is because I had a few key people in my life that inspired me to do so.  One of those very special people is Robert Giesler.  Robert and his wife, Dottie, have always inspired me to do great things with my life.  Robert was my high school principal and without him, I wouldn't be where I am today in life.  Robert gave me my wings to fly, but most of all, he encouraged me to write this blog.  Because of Robert, I am actually considering writing a book.  Thank you, Robert and Dottie, for all of your support you have given me, Cole, and my family since coming into our lives in 1987.  You both have helped me become the mom, teacher, and wife I have always wanted to be.  I thought becoming a music teacher in Dallas I.S.D. was my calling, but obviously it wasn't.  I love you both for always encouraging me to listen to my heart, thinking with a clear head, and choosing the right path in life.  Sometimes life is hard; I get that.  I have now realized hard is what gets me to where I want to be in life:  happy, healthy, and a spiritual human being!

     I will end this blog today with one big message:  VOTE!  Rachel Chumney and Bonnie Abadie need our votes!  Early voting is today through May 6th.  The actual date of the election is May 10th, if you don't vote early.  If you don't vote, your voice won't be heard, so don't complain if your candidate doesn't win, simply because you didn't vote.  I am voting for Rachel and Bonnie, simply because I think they are the right people to represent my voice and Cole's voice.  Peace out!

Bullying update: Coach Armelia King, my hero

Bullying update

      I have come to the conclusion that not all people have bad intentions.  I am writing this post as an optimist.  I am hopeful that the bullying issue NEVER comes up again at Cole's school.  I brought the bullying up in my blog, simply because I felt helpless and was not getting any answer from the people I first asked at Cole's school.  I sent eight emails and two certified letters to the chain of command.  I never heard back from the Principal, only Cole's special education teacher when I was concerned.  Cole's special education teacher was the only one that would answer my emails.  Again, I am not writing this post as a pessimist, but I want to make sure everyone knows what I did in terms of follow up from last October's incident.

     I am an advocate for all children, whether they have a learning difference or not.  I was a former music/choir teacher in middle school and I saw what happened on a daily basis to students and teachers.  Bullying is something that is talked about, but for some reason, I feel the bully is always granted the option of not getting punished.  I know when I was in middle school I had two girls that called me ugly and told me my mom was going to die (she had stage 3 breast cancer and kicked it's butt!).  I considered that bullying.  Coach Armelia King, I felt, was the only one that took this seriously.  She kicked them off the volleyball team and didn't allow them to join the basketball team.  Coach King, is still to this day, my hero.  I love her for doing this, simply because she knew how much I loved playing sports.  I was a 7th and 8th grade starter on the volleyball and basketball teams.  Due to my poor ankles, I didn't start my 8th grade year of softball, but was a starter my 7th grade.  She didn't tolerate bullying.  She is an amazing, no-nonsense lady and I admire her more than I could write on this page.  She made me the 8th grade volleyball captain, which I am sure made my bullies mad, but I loved playing sports.  I wasn't going to let two mean girls (and eventually four girls) ruin my passion for sports or music.  

     Cole's bullying was somewhat of a shock to me.  Cole carries himself like he is the king of the world!  He has SO many friends and they all love Cole.  I think what happened is that the first incident happened because certain 6th grade boys are going through puberty.  I assumed the incident happened in the boys' bathroom.  It happened in a classroom-- I am not naming what classroom, simply because of privacy issues.  I am beyond grateful for the teacher that witnessed what happened and told the Assistant Principal.  This happened early on last year, so I didn't think it would have been pushed aside by the Principal.  Turns out, the Assistant Principal had our back the entire time.  She didn't know how upset and distraught I was over this, as I didn't let her know my feelings.  I always emailed the Principal, as I was supposed to do.  By now, you know I am not a fan of our Principal.  I am beyond grateful the Assistant Principal took the time out this week to call in a number of 6th graders and asked them what they thought about Cole.  There reply was this:  "I love Cole.  He's my best friend.  I love Cole.  Cole is my friend and I love him."  You get the picture.  Not one student had one bad thing to say about Cole.  As a mom, I try to do my best to teach tolerance, love, and acceptance of all people.  I think Cole has gone above and beyond my wildest expectations when it comes to unconditional love.  Cole never realized he was being bullied, simply because he thought it was horse play.  For that, I am grateful.  What I am finally coming to grips with is that Cole is growing up, has a great self-image, and loves EVERYONE!  I am still not too sure the one boy who called him an ugly name and popped him in the back of the head (like snapping), didn't do it.  It is Cole's word against his, but I believe my son.  Do I love my son's school?  No.  Do I love his friends?  Beyond yes.  The main reason we have never considered sending Cole to a school for special needs children is because he needs that socialization with his peers and friends.  He LOVES his friends and we would never take that away from him.

     Okay, so now I may be a pessimist here, but this is what is going to happen from now on.  I am going directly to the source who calls me and ask for a report of what happened, if my son is ever bullied again.  I am NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH AN ADMINISTRATION WHO DOES NOTHING TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME OR MY HUSBAND.  We are now aware that the bullying issue was handled in the utmost of confidence.  Parents were called, punishment was given to the three boys who did this to Cole, but we were not aware of any of this until yesterday.  I am forever grateful for the wonderful teachers that have come into Cole's life since Kindergarten.  Cathy Hanson, Leslie Dominie, Yashekia Mitchell, Larry Owens, Allison Ausema, Amy Foxman, Sara Wheeler, Danielle Lawhorn, Mr. Dalone, Marcella, Christy, Sarah Krolcyck, William, Yolanda, Mr. Victor, and Kelly.  These are all the teachers and aides in special education that we have had the pleasure of knowing through Merriman Park Elementary.  They have enriched our lives and we wouldn't be where we are today without this amazing group of teachers.  Coach Chris Brooks and Becca Bryan are also our unsung heroes of Merriman Park.  As Forest Gump once said, "Life is Like a Box of Chocolates.  You never know what you're going to get".  These people were, and still are, a blessing to us every day.  As far as an awesome administrator,  Principal Laurie Taylor was one of a kind.  We miss her.  We love her.  Without her, we had to endure a pretty messed up school year.  However, that being said, I have learned a lot about Special Education law and what I continue to do for my son.  Life is not easy, but with friends, family, and a loving God, I can do anything.  I love my husband and I love my son with all of my heart.  Without God giving me these two amazing men, I don't know where I would be today in my life.  I thank God each and every day for giving me Cole and my husband.  

     Grace be to God, for He so loved the world, He gave us His only begotten Son, our Jesus Christ our Lord.  Thank you, God, for giving us each and every day to live on Earth!  Happy Easter!

Bullying: Why Does It To Continue To Happen?

Bullying:  Why does it to continue to happen?

     Never in a million years did I ever dream my son would be bullied on a daily basis at his current school.  I write this post as a wake-up call to all parents, guardians, and caregivers to children and adult children.  I am tired of being the "nice guy" and sit idly by while my child is being bullied at school and nothing is being done about it.  The one thing I can tell you as a parent, listen to your gut.  YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN ADVOCATE CHANGE FOR YOUR CHILD!  I am heartbroken, mad, and made myself physically sick because of what I found out about my son yesterday.  This post is NOT for the faint of heart, so if you fear you can't handle reading this, then you are succumbing to the worst kind of emotion-- complacency.  I am writing this post to EDUCATE EVERY PARENT AND CAREGIVER.  NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.  ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REACTION TO WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR HEAD AND HEART.  Now that I have gotten this off of my mind, here is my rant and why I am so mad, no furious!, about what has happened this year at Merriman Park Elementary.

     I know in my previous post, I have mentioned we have had wonderful experiences at Cole's school-- now you know he attends Merriman Park Elementary (MPE for short).  As a parent and former teacher, I can tell you I have seen many things in education change.  I left teaching because of the bullying I was witnessing in my school, not only by students but also by administration.  People don't like to stand up to bullies.  Dallas I.S.D. has a great way of "taking care" of a problem when there truly is an issue.  I was stabbed with a pencil, stapled with my own stapler, had one student masturbate behind my piano, and had a chair thrown at me during my short time as a middle school music teacher.  Did I mention all of this happened in two short months?  Did I also mention I was taunted, harrassed, and threatened on a daily basis by adult students?  During my new teacher orientation in Dallas I.S.D. we were specifically told in one of my workshops that if a kid told us to to go fuck ourselves, take that with a grain of salt.  A compliment could have been-- no joke-- "Hey Miss, go fuck yourself.  Have a nice day".  If they added have a nice day, that was the compliment.  I knew Dallas I.S.D. was rough-- I had 68 kids in one class, but I didn't deserve the kind of treatment I received, simply because I was a music teacher.  I tried to teach to the best of my abilities, but when you have absolutely no support from your administration-- Principal, Assistant Principal, or Dean of Instruction-- it is impossible to control a classroom that is full of disrespect and hate.  I had some really good kids, but for the most part, I hated each and every day I woke up while I was teaching in Dallas I.S.D.  I missed my son, I missed my now husband, but most of all, I missed my sanity.

     The reason I start off my rant about Dallas I.S.D. is because I witnessed bullying in this school district first.  My son doesn't attend a Dallas I.S.D. school because we live in the Richardson I.S.D. school district (even though we reside in Dallas).  Again, the reason I am stating these facts is because I have seen an Exemplary School-- full of respect, love, and a very active PTA who love all kids-- go from Exemplary to CRAP.  My son is in 6th grade, so this is his last year.  I never thought in a million years I would write a blog.  I never thought I would get so mad at my son's school and the administration, simply because we loved MPE.  Principal Laurie Taylor earned respect, love, and admiration from not only her teachers and staff, but also of the parents.  I can't say the same about the Principal we have now.  I was made aware last October that Cole was bullied in the boy's bathroom by the Assistant Principal.  First, I thought, why is Cole going to the boy's bathroom?  This is not in his I.E.P., so legally he was not even supposed to be there in the first place.  The second thing I heard came from the Assistant Principal, who I truly believe is telling the truth and is supportive of Cole.  "Hello Erika.  This is Mrs. Hemme.  Do you have a minute to talk?"  I then reply, "Sure.  What's up?".  I am thinking, okay what has Cole done now?  Did he throw a pen cap at Gabe or have a behavioral issue that they can't handle?  The latter was something I was not expecting and horrified when Mrs. Hemme told me what happened.  Cole was in the boy's bathroom, alone, when three boys, who I won't name due to "privacy issues", pulled up his shirt (now I know they didn't pull up his shirt as of today), grabbed his "boobs"-- yes boobs, and felt him up.  There I said it.  It's now out there.  I trusted and confided in a few of my very close friends about what happened and they told their sons to keep an eye out for Cole.  

     Skip over this incident and it has been five months since this happened.  I asked for peer mediation for the three boys, specifically with the P.E. teacher and the 5th grade teacher, who are both men.  I was made aware today that neither of these teachers were told they were supposed to have peer mediation with the boys that did this to Cole.  I am furious that administration just passes the buck and does nothing about bullying at Cole's school.  I had it out with one of the staff workers at MPE in the cafeteria last year, so I don't have lunch on a weekly basis with Cole, like I have done in the past.  This makes me sad, but if I am up there, 15 kids want to sit on stage with Cole, simply because they love him.  I understand we live in a cynical and cruel world, and to just "deal with it"-- actual words by a general education teacher today, but why?  Why does MY COLE have to deal with this nonsense?  I have done everything right-- meaning I have kept a paper trail of emails regarding the bullying, certified letters that were sent to 2 people (with no reply), and only one response when it came to missing school for a school related convention, as approved by T.M.E.A.  

     I am not supposed to write anything about being upset, mad, or letting my emotions get in the way when dealing with Cole's education.  People have so much to learn, and I for one, am still learning about life in general.  What I don't agree with, and never will, is to let this be.  My child was bullied.  Could he be the next victim of bullying that it gets so bad, he wants to kill someone?  Did I really just say that?  My fear is that there is no understanding or compassion for my son when he is an adult.  I received a phone call this week from a very sweet woman, Rita, who has an adult son living with Asperger's (a form of autism).  She told me her Andy has a story to tell.  I am going to let him tell his story through my blog because I am just so hurt, mad, and angry about what is happening to Cole at school that I am afraid I will say something that will bite me in the butt.  Cole has his transitional A.R.D. on May 6th, so I may be taking a break from writing until then.  He needs a supportive mom, dad, and staff to guide him into middle school.  Do I agree to let this die down?  No.  I can accept that my son was bullied.  Do I have to power to change the atmosphere at my son's school with just seven weeks left in the school year?  Yes.  I love my son, I love his friends, but most of all, I stand up for ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN BULLIED.  IT IS UNACCEPTABLE AND NOT TOLERATED IN MY HOUSEHOLD.  I apologize for making this sound so harsh, but I hope I have gotten the point across.  My son has been bullied since October 2013 and I pray it has finally stopped as of today, Wednesday, April 16, 2014.  People need to be aware of other people's feelings.  I know I am not supposed to judge, as God is my witness, but the anger and hate that I have for the one kid who has bullied my son all year is not something that I can just turn off.  He was a friend of Cole's and we even had him over to our house.  He begged us to come over and have a sleepover.  I am a good person.  I let him come over, but only twice.  Something told me to listen to my gut.  I did.  I hope it wasn't too late.  I told three people at Cole's school about the bullying.  Only one person has done anything about the bullying- Cole's special education teacher.  I commend her for trying to make sure Cole is always safe, but you can't be in multiple places at one time.  I thank Cole's special education teacher, the resource teacher, the P.E. teacher and coach, and the music teacher for always making sure Cole is safe at school.  He feels safe now because of what we have implemented this past week, due to my advocacy for Cole.  I will not, nor apologize, for the Principal's ignorance to what is going on at MPE, nor will I apologize for the ignorance or complacency the counselor has.  I like the counselor and I think she is a good person.  I just think she has just gotten sucked in by the venom of the Principal.  The atmosphere has changed at Merriman Park Elementary, and I for one, plan on making it a safe place for ALL kids, even when Cole is gone.  Alice, the crossing guard, is the ONLY PERSON that knows what goes on at school.  She prays each and every day for each child that enters MPE.  I am beyond blessed to call her my friend.  I would name two other people that have always had my back, but I don't want them to get fired.  They are great people and they know what I think of them.  Good night and tell your kids you love them.  You never know what each day brings.  Peace out...... 

     Why does it continue to

Do I believe vaccinations cause autism? NO!!!

Do I believe vaccinations cause autism?

NO!!!

     I was posed a question today by a very sweet friend of mine who wanted me to answer, I think, a very simple question.  Do I believe vaccinations cause autism?  No.  So many people, I have found out, still believe the myth that vaccines can cause and trigger autism.  This blog may not be very pretty, but to be candid and honest, I think Jenny McCarthy and the National Autism Association are full of bullshit.  There is said it:  Cole's favorite word, bullshit!  Sometimes there are people and foundations that truly believe what they are saying, like Jenny McCarthy (whose son doesn't even have autism).  I know some of my friends don't like Autism Speaks, simply because of their rhetoric.  I don't have a problem with Autism Speaks, simply because I believe they are making a difference for people who have autism.  However, for the National Autism Association to come out and say (exact words as presented on their website:  "vaccinations can trigger or exacerbate autism in some, if not many, children", is reckless and dangerous.  The person who first said this, Dr. Andrew Jeremy Wakefield, is a liar and distorts the truth about vaccines causing autism.  For some strange reason, I don't hate Dr. Wakefield.  I am only guessing he put this lie out there, simply because he wanted to help families find a cure and answer to what causes autism.  I have to be hopeful he's not one of those doctors who wanted to cash in on his "supposed truth" and findings.  

     One thing I have always tried to do in my life is always tell the truth.  I don't trust people who try to find ways to cover up the truth, when it comes to life in general.  I truly believe there is good in all of us.  That being said, I think Jenny McCarthy was just trying to cash in on her son's unknown health reason, now known to be Landau-Kleffner syndrome and not autism, simply because her entertainment life was drying up.  I know these are harsh words to put on paper, but she's always been a fame-whore, so to speak.  Do I hate Jenny McCarthy?  No.  Do I think she's a good mom?  I think she is an okay mom, simply because she never gave up the fight to find out what was wrong with her son.  However, I would rather keep a low profile and not be so "out there".  Her books (yes, guilty as charged, I have read them) are too much for me to read.  Save yourself some money and read other books that I have found useful over the years.  I really like three books (my go-to guides on a weekly basis) that have served me well in raising a child with autism.  The first book, "1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Disorders", authors Ellen Notbohm and Veronica Zysk, is a great book.  This book is only 211 pages long and  gives GREAT information about anything and everything you need to know, when raising a child with autism.  The best advice I can give you when reading a book like this one is read it slow, highlight areas that catch your eye, and don't read it in one sitting.  Let the information sink in.  The worst thing I did when Cole received his diagnosis of autism was read everything front page to the last page.  There are going to be some topics that don't relate to your child, so skip over those pages until you feel the need to read them.  The second book I highly recommend is "Playing, Laughing, and Learning with Children on the Autism Spectrum:  A Practical Resource of Play Ideas for Parents and Carers", author Julia Moor.  This book literally gives you ideas and ways to play with your child at any age.  I love this book, because it gives you step-by-step instructions on how to engage or play with a child who has autism.  I found this book to be quite helpful, as it helped me understand my Cole better.  Let your child do what they want to do.  Don't be afraid of your child lining up his or her toys and spinning them.  I found this to be comforting for Cole, and eventually he started naming each toy as he spun them.  This still allows creativity, but also can help them re-direct their attention when needed.  The third book is what I am currently reading and absolutely LOVE!  If you are married or are living with someone (partner/lover), this book is an absolute MUST-READ.  I credit my husband for finding this book:  "Married with Special-Needs Children:  A Couple's Guide to Keeping Connected", authors Laura E. Marshak, Ph.D., and Fran Pollock Prezant, M. Ed., CCC-SLP.  I really like this book because it gives real life situations of parents who have been married for a long time (or a short time too!) and have children that have any type of disability.  Make sure when you are parenting a child (with or without autism), you both understand what the other needs.  I need space, at times, when dealing with Cole and his moods, so my husband will step in.  Also, it is a wonderful resource of help.  I don't compare my relationship with other couples, as some people do.  Nobody knows what goes on in your home or your relationship with your spouse or partner.  This book addresses so much, when it comes to parenting.  I knew when I married my husband he was going to be there for me and for Cole.  When you get the diagnosis of autism, you don't know how the other half is going to react.  I didn't know how my ex-husband was going to react, simply because he wasn't a part of Cole's life or my life.  I lived with my parents when Cole was diagnosed with autism.  My parents were there when we were given Cole's diagnosis of autism.  We never really discussed this day, we just kept on doing what we thought was right:  give Cole a loving and secure home.  His education was first and foremost, very important, to all of us, but we knew Cole was in the perfect school.

     I don't think I really digressed about why I think vaccinations don't cause autism.  Autism is a complex developmental disorder, as described in the DSM-IV-TR.  The actual development of Concept of Autism is:  a syndromal case study, a disorder, a group of disorders (PDDs), a mulitiplicity of disorders = Autisms, Spectrum, and a quantitative trait in population.  How is that for an answer?  There is no bell curve for autism.  I don't believe, and never will believe, that autism is caused by vaccinations.  That being said, you can find the link on wikipedia about Dr. Andrew Wakefield and his retraction of vaccines causing autism: 

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Wakefield

I can give you more information about why I HATE the myth (it is a lie), and all that encompasses this mis-information about vaccines causing autism, but truth be told, you're going to believe what you want to believe.  More to come about this subject, but I have to go pick up a very special twelve year old boy from school!  I didn't realize how much I would be pissed off by this question, "Do vaccines cause autism?", but I would take autism any day over polio,  mumps, and measles.  Peace out and happy Monday!

S.A.G.E.-- Special And Gifted Education

S.A.G.E.

Special and Gifted Education Group

     I am beyond blessed to have such a great group of friends!  I know without friends and family, anyone can get lost in this rat race we call life.  I have kept a lot of my friends from high school, thanks to the invention of Facebook, but I am also involved in this amazing group called S.A.G.E.  Whether you are a parent with a child who has a disability or have a child that is very VERY smart (think Einstein or Bill Gates), this group serves our R.I.S.D. community without skipping a beat.  We are a group of parents-- yes, there are some very involved dads too!-- who look for resources to help our children in the classroom and beyond.  I was introduced to S.A.G.E. by a very good friend last year and it has been a God send.  Many of you know, I don't name people in my blog (just me and Cole), but you know who you are when I say THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR INTRODUCING ME TO THIS GROUP!!!!!!!!  Many families in our school district are served by S.A.G.E. and we are just one of the lucky ones.  I feel like this has been my life-line to getting things done for Cole and his I.E.P.  Many of you know, it is hard to deal with change when living with autism.  One big change is something we can adjust to, but we had four big changes in our school this year.  I prepared Cole for one of the changes as we knew about this the end of last year-- a new Principal.  However, the other three changes were totally unexpected, which threw both of our worlds into another dimension of chaos!  We not only had a brand new principal, we also had a new special education teacher, two sixth grade general education teachers named both Ms. Thompson, and a new building that resembled a hospital to a lot of kids because there was no artwork to display.  Change, at times, can be good.  I changed churches for me and Cole, which turned out to be great!  I got divorced (which was a very needed change) and that turned out to be great.  However, when it involves change with Cole, sometimes this can become worrisome for me. The reason I am telling you all of this is because maybe you can get an idea of where this is going-- my support group of S.A.G.E.

     S.A.G.E. is very interesting group of like-minded individuals.  You have me-- the loud and boisterous mom who wants to get things done in without pissing people off, you have the amazing Chairman, who gets things done RIGHT and the most unassuming mom who represents the Gifted Voice.  We are ALL a part of S.A.G.E. and we all seem to work well in our own way.  Two of our members are even running for the Board and I hope they both win!  They are tireless moms that do everything they can for our children (including their own) and should be awarded a medal for not running once, but TWICE, for our school board!  I honestly don't see how they do it, but they do, and I love them both.  What every parent, I assume, wants for their family is love, acceptance, understanding, and a future filled with bright opportunities.  I have learned over the course of Cole's twelve years is that all Cole needs is unconditional love to thrive at home and at school.  Sometimes I can get frustrated with his progress, but all I have to do is look back even a year ago and see  how much he has progressed into a young man.  I cherish the day he says he wants to be independent and not live with me or his daddy.  He talks all the time about getting married, having a job (no school because it's boring and useless!), and having his own children.  I know I wish that for him.  I know my husband and Cole's amazing father wants that for him.  The only thing I worry about is who will understand Cole and get him?  I guess time will only tell what the future holds for Cole.  Without S.A.G.E., I don't think I would ever consider this an option for him, but because of the support and understanding I receive from S.A.G.E. is a blessing beyond words.

     Obviously, this is a plug for S.A.G.E., as I am the new volunteer coordinator for this awesome group!  What I want to do is to change the world, one school at a time.  I thought by going back to school, SMU, and becoming a school teacher would help me achieve my goal by giving back to other students and families.  I realize now that wasn't my destiny.  Supporting parents, families, children and adults that are affected by some sort of learning difference or life situation is my calling.  I was once told by a very smart lady, "Maybe teaching isn't your thing.  You are created to do something so much bigger than teach.".  These were the words of my support teacher (when I was a student teacher), Paula O'Neill.  I now believe she was absolutely right.  During college, we were asked what we wanted to do with our lives-- specifically in terms of creating music and sustain a relationship that gives back to the community.  I am forever grateful for this question that was posed by Dr. Jose Bowen, Dean of Meadow School of the Arts at SMU, and now the new President of Goucher College.  I always yearned for more, but really didn't know where to start.  Because of his knowledge and the brilliant teachers I had at Meadows, I am now fulfilling my dream of giving back to the community and maybe making a difference in other people's lives.  S.A.G.E. is responsible for part of my happiness and giving back to others.

     The moment you receive a diagnosis of autism, your world changes.  I am comfortable in my own skin and know what I want for Cole.  However, when I was looking for answers to my questions, I didn't have a support group like S.A.G.E. when faced with Cole's autism diagnosis.  You can find S.A.G.E. (we hope to have it in every single school by this year) on Facebook.  Please feel free to contact me, if you have any questions.  This amazing group offers you help and solutions to your inner most questions.  I know it has helped me compose my thoughts and not get mad at something that is out of my control.  What S.A.G.E. has taught me can't be found in a book.  You just have to attend a meeting or attend a free workshop and you will understand why I LOVE THIS GROUP AND EVERYONE INVOLVED!   I can't thank my friends enough by telling them thank you for supporting S.A.G.E. and all that it has to offer.  Please feel free to ask me any questions about S.A.G.E. as it is a great resource for everyone!  Happy Thursday and go SMU MUSTANGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

National Autism Awareness Month: Vote for Rachel Chumney and Bonnie Abadie! (Hidden subliminal message)

National Autism Awareness Month

     Did you know that April is national autism awareness month?  If not, now you know!  I have been super busy the past two weeks, so I plan on making this blog post a bit long.  Please bear with me, as we are all looking for ways to better our lives of those who have autism.  Autism just doesn't affect one person; it affects the entire family and those that love a person with autism.  

     I have witnessed miracles happen in my life, simply because of Cole's autism.  By now, you all know that Cole didn't really speak until he was 8 years old.  The barrier that broke through his silence was the music from the hit show "Jersey Boys".  Literally, I have never been more thankful to be a singer myself than I was on this day:  October 30, 2010.  I arrived home from work (exhausted as we had just finished all-district choir auditions the prior weekend) and heard this voice.  That voice was none other than my Cole!  Every morning I would wake up by 5:30 a.m., hop in the shower, and pop in a CD to wake me up.  The morning of October 30th was nothing short of a miracle.  I had a terrible work situation, so I thought I would start off my week a little bit differently.  I usually woke up and listened to the O'Jays "Love Train", as this was Cole's favorite song.  However, I needed something a little more spirited, so I switched out the CD to my recent purchase of Jersey Boys.  Song number 7-- as Cole puts it-- was "Walk Like a Man".  This song had a great beat, so I thought, let's do "Sherry", "Big Girls Don't Cry" and finish it with "Walk Like a Man".  By the third song, Cole was awake (think 6:30 a.m. when I would always have to wake him up by 7 or 7:15 a.m.), keeping a steady beat, and listening to the words and music.  By the time I arrived home around 6 p.m., Cole had the ENTIRE CD MEMORIZED!  The reason I put this in all capital letters is because this was huge (and still is) and was my first glance at a miracle given to Cole and to myself.  How could I have not known my son was a singer?  I LOVED to sing (and still do), but the music I listened to and performed was opera.  Cole is finally coming around to "tolerating opera" and listens to Andrea Bocelli and enjoys him!  That being said, why had I not popped in one of my musical CD's or tapes that I loved sooner?  I grew up on the set of  "Annie" on my record player-- don't ask my mom how many times I sang the song "Maybe" or "Tomorrow", so why had I not done the same for Cole?  I can look back and now see that music was, and always has been, his voice.

     Music is just a natural instinct and amazing quality that can help just about any situation.  I truly believe music has healing powers-- whether it is here on Earth or in Heaven.  I witnessed my Nanny Comp rising to Heaven on September 23, 2004, as I sang "Amazing Grace" to her.  Nanny Comp. died on September 23, 2004; nearly ten years and one month to the date my granddaddy died.  I never want to witness death again as it's happening, but I am forever grateful to have witnessed her transition to Heaven.  I sang to my Granddaddy all the time, whether he had Alzheimer's or not.  My singing is what helped Granddaddy when we was frustrated (when he had Alzheimer's), as it was soothing to his listening ear (according to his nurses it was the only thing that kept him grounded).  I also would sing to Nanny Comp., when she was healthy, but also as she was dying before my eyes.  My Granddaddy died on August 31, 1994.  I will never forget this day, August 31, 1994, as I arrived home from my third day of college to tell him about my new experience at Richland Community College.  I was going to change into my comfortable clothes (I had to make a good impression on my new friends, so I wore cute clothes and makeup-- totally NOT me) and immediately head up to visit Granddaddy.  I knew Granddaddy had died when I got home, because both of my parents were there.  I cried like a baby, simply because I knew he was gone and so was that terrible illness.  My singing would calm Granddaddy, so I was thankful he was out of pain and released from his suffering, but this was a hard loss.  Remember, Granddaddy had Alzheimer's.  I have been a lucky soul to help people when they aren't at their best;  I have been on the receiving end of so many blessings, that I can only think music was the root of my happiness from the time I was born.  My mom, as she says, doesn't have a musical love for opera, so she tolerated my opera singing because I was her daughter.  That being said, my daddy LOVES all classical music, but I didn't know this until I was in high school.  My sixth grade counselor at Lakewood Elementary in Dallas, TX, is the one who told me I should pursue music as a career.  I didn't know what opera was until I was in the sixth grade.  Their were only two of us who LOVED the opera field trip to see the "Magic Flute" at our Dallas Music Hall-- me and Keicee Naim.

     As life would evolve, Keicee and I are both now opera singers.  Our lives have inter-twined because of our love of music, but most of all, I think we both knew what we loved:  the opera and our love of singing.  I am forever grateful for that sixth grade field trip to see "Magic Flute" and for Keicee's friendship.  Keicee and I have been life-long friends since we were five years old, but because of our love of music and opera, we can still have a meaningful conversation about Gilbert and Sullivan after all these years.  Yes, we are both 40, are moms to awesome boys (Keicee lives in Houston with her husband and two sons), and we both still love to perform.  Keicee is involved with the Gilbert and Sullivan Guild in Houston and is my very best friend.  We may go for months without talking on the phone, but when we pick up that phone to talk to each other, it's like we haven't missed a beat.  This kind of friendship, I pray, happens to Cole.  Once in a lifetime, you find that friend you can tell your inner-most thoughts, fears, frustrations, and happy times to and they know-- they just get it.  Keicee is that friend that I cherish the most.  Without Keicee, I don't know what I would have done with my life professionally.  She gets me like my husband gets me, which is not an easy thing to do!  Cole has a friend, that I think, is going to be that friend to him, like Keicee is to me.  As time passes, we shall see about Cole's very best friend since the first grade.  I know Keicee is there for me at a moment's notice.  I thank God each and every day for this friendship I have with Keicee.  Okay, so now back to life and living on a daily basis with autism.

     I attended a State Autism conference last week that was hosted by Metrocare Services and Children's Hospital of Dallas.  I had not heard of Metrocare, simply because we have always been steered in the direction of the Autism Treatment Center (which is awesome, even though we don't go there).  The information they gave everyone was very useful and helpful, but two of us were scratching our heads at the end of it.  Both of our sons are entering puberty and we both wanted to know why this isn't addressed.  We were told by doctors at this conference (as I spoke up) that there needs to be more research on this topic:  autism and puberty.  Without skipping a beat, I blurted out:  "There sure does need to be a way to find out what to do with boys, in particular, when addressing this subject.  What are YOU, the PROFESSIONALS going to do about it?".  Apparently, I am not the only person who is worried about this.  Cole LOVES to kiss anyone-- that's his thing, simply because of the New Year's Eve ball drop, and Dick Clark kissing his wife.  The other parent and mom (who gave up her full time job to make sure her son is safe at all times) that I spoke with after the conference, said and felt the exact same way I do.  What is going to be done in terms of kids maturing into adulthood?  There is NOT a cure for autism.  How are we, as parents who have kids on the autism spectrum, going to make sure that they are safe at all times.  The main issue I have tried to address since Cole was a toddler and didn't speak is, "What am I going to do as Cole's caregiver and parent to give him what he needs to thrive in life?".  Holly Robinson Peete, actress, autism advocate, mom, and wife to Rodney Peete, says it poignantly, eloquently, but most of all, effectively when trying to deal with puberty and hormones in a boy with autism.  Holly and Rodney's oldest son has autism.  For reference, note the article in the Huffington Post:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-robinson-peete/autism-awareness-day_b_2991931.html.  Holly Robinson Peete's words echo exactly how I feel about Cole and the upcoming hurdles we are already facing, when addressing puberty:  

Then came the next mega-hurdle (cue scary music): puberty. So... we all know that puberty for a typical kid is no walk through the park on a Sunday. But when autism collaborates with these raging hormones it can be extra challenging, and in our case it felt like getting the diagnosis all over again. Regression presented itself, echolalia and stemming returned, and we met new issues we were unprepared for like OCD, depression and -- suddenly -- we are on seizure watch (something he has never had yet, thank God, but can present itself during this time). You see, we'd made so much progress that we just took it for granted that it would just continue into adulthood . Yet we now find ourselves feeling like rookies instead of the thick-skinned autism veterans thought we'd become.

Socially, the stakes change when high school begins. For a 15-year-old with autism, it can be like being at the bottom of the Grand Canyon looking up. A massive climb. The "normal" things, like what teen boys do in their rooms alone... well, that all has to be managed very closely to make sure it isn't done anywhere else in a socially inappropriate setting. (Dad territory for sure, Lawd Jesus!). And girls... sigh. I am always so paranoid he won't have the social swagger needed to navigate these young things. If he makes just one innocent inappropriate physical or verbal gesture in an environment that lacks compassion, it could be very costly for him.

But the main issue for me, the one that keeps me up at night, is will my sweet 6-feet-tall, lanky, milk chocolate 15-year-old be able to self-advocate in life. Who will protect his heart when I am not around? How will his survival skills work for him in real world situations...?

     Okay, so now you understand, maybe?, how I feel about puberty.  I was one of the lucky ones.  I didn't have my first real kiss until I was 14 years old.  The first boy I kissed died from cancer.  I thought my kiss had killed him, so I was terrified of dating because of this.  I didn't date or have my very first boyfriend until I was 16 years old.  I had hormones, but luckily for me, they weren't raging.  I channeled my energy into my love of music and love of everything dance and sports-oriented.  Once I entered college, I started to take an interest in the opposite sex, but I still remained grounded and focused on what I wanted to do with my life:  singing and politics.  Fortunately for me, I didn't become a famous singer or politician, as I can't imagine having to deal with the paparazzi.  However, I was discovered at age 18 by a talent scout.  I was a model from age 18--24, which just kind of happened by chance.  One could say I had a very glamorous life:  I was 18 years old, got into some very nice places (and yes, most of them I had to be 21) because of my "model status", but mostly, I was just having fun and living in the moment.  By the age of 19, I had boys and men ask me out on a daily basis for dates, just because I was so outgoing.  Men thought I was "easy" simply because of my outgoing, larger-than-life personality life, so after the first date, they usually didn't ask me out again, because of my stance on pre-marital sex.  Okay, so maybe this is too much for you to read, but I want EVERYONE to know how I feel when it comes to pre-marital sex:  it is WRONG.  That being said, hormones sometimes get the best of us.  In this day and age, girls not only have to worry about the stigma of being a teen mom, but also fearful of A.I.D.S.  For myself as a parent, a former single mom (I was divorced for seven years), and a mom with a child who has special needs, this is the BIG ISSUE I fear:  Cole discovering his sexuality without me or my husband being present.  

     Please skip over this next part, if it's too much for you.  I am discussing puberty, simply because it is not something that has really been addressed by doctors or other health professionals.  In my personal opinion, I feel puberty is awkward for any kid.  However, for a kid who has autism, puberty rears its ugly head when you least expect it.  Just last week, Cole and I were at Michael's and normally if we somebody with us, I let him go with one of his friends to an aisle that has "Oobi eyes".  On this certain day, however, it was just me and Cole.  Cole noticed a couple, visibly "excited" by each other, and Cole noticed this couple.  I was just guessing they were about 16-18 years of age.  What happened next was a bit unusual:  "As we were staring at them (yes I was gawking too), the man proceeded to take out his hand from his girlfriend's back pocket, placed his other arm and hand around her back and grabbed her boob.  Without any warning at all, Cole walked up to the couple (I was holding his hand), and grabbed the lady's boobie."  Okay, there it is.  Puberty rearing it's ugly head in PUBLIC.  Professionals, as you know, are not my favorite people, but something needs to be done to address puberty in kids who have autism.  I am one of the lucky ones.  The couple was startled, I am sure, by Cole grabbing her tit.  I explained to them that he saw them "cuddling" (they really needed to get a room!), and that he imitates what he sees.   My mom instinct kicked in and we left soon after this happened.  Secretly, I hope I never have to experience this again, but with Cole, I never know what is going to happen next.  The life of boys and puberty is a mystery.  Being a mom to a kid who happens to have autism is truly a gift.  Furthermore, I wouldn't change a thing about my son; I would only change other people's outlooks on how they view him.  I am proud of Cole everyday and each day brings a new learning experience.

     I hope you enjoy reading my blog, as I really do pour my heart and soul into it!  I am now off to a very necessary lunch with some very good friends.  Don't forget to take a little time for yourself.  As the television show says, "Take time out and enjoy The View".  I try to have some fun in my life every week!  Peace out and there is so much more to come!  Please let me know what interests you by commenting on my blog.  Do you want more personal stories or the science behind autism?  Have a WONDERFUL APRIL AND DON'T FORGET TO LIGHT IT UP BLUE FOR AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Also, a shout out to my SMU Mustangs men's basketball team:  WIN BIG ON THURSDAY!  Pony up my fellow SMU MUSTANGS AND ALUMNI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!