National Autism Awareness Month: Vote for Rachel Chumney and Bonnie Abadie! (Hidden subliminal message)

National Autism Awareness Month

     Did you know that April is national autism awareness month?  If not, now you know!  I have been super busy the past two weeks, so I plan on making this blog post a bit long.  Please bear with me, as we are all looking for ways to better our lives of those who have autism.  Autism just doesn't affect one person; it affects the entire family and those that love a person with autism.  

     I have witnessed miracles happen in my life, simply because of Cole's autism.  By now, you all know that Cole didn't really speak until he was 8 years old.  The barrier that broke through his silence was the music from the hit show "Jersey Boys".  Literally, I have never been more thankful to be a singer myself than I was on this day:  October 30, 2010.  I arrived home from work (exhausted as we had just finished all-district choir auditions the prior weekend) and heard this voice.  That voice was none other than my Cole!  Every morning I would wake up by 5:30 a.m., hop in the shower, and pop in a CD to wake me up.  The morning of October 30th was nothing short of a miracle.  I had a terrible work situation, so I thought I would start off my week a little bit differently.  I usually woke up and listened to the O'Jays "Love Train", as this was Cole's favorite song.  However, I needed something a little more spirited, so I switched out the CD to my recent purchase of Jersey Boys.  Song number 7-- as Cole puts it-- was "Walk Like a Man".  This song had a great beat, so I thought, let's do "Sherry", "Big Girls Don't Cry" and finish it with "Walk Like a Man".  By the third song, Cole was awake (think 6:30 a.m. when I would always have to wake him up by 7 or 7:15 a.m.), keeping a steady beat, and listening to the words and music.  By the time I arrived home around 6 p.m., Cole had the ENTIRE CD MEMORIZED!  The reason I put this in all capital letters is because this was huge (and still is) and was my first glance at a miracle given to Cole and to myself.  How could I have not known my son was a singer?  I LOVED to sing (and still do), but the music I listened to and performed was opera.  Cole is finally coming around to "tolerating opera" and listens to Andrea Bocelli and enjoys him!  That being said, why had I not popped in one of my musical CD's or tapes that I loved sooner?  I grew up on the set of  "Annie" on my record player-- don't ask my mom how many times I sang the song "Maybe" or "Tomorrow", so why had I not done the same for Cole?  I can look back and now see that music was, and always has been, his voice.

     Music is just a natural instinct and amazing quality that can help just about any situation.  I truly believe music has healing powers-- whether it is here on Earth or in Heaven.  I witnessed my Nanny Comp rising to Heaven on September 23, 2004, as I sang "Amazing Grace" to her.  Nanny Comp. died on September 23, 2004; nearly ten years and one month to the date my granddaddy died.  I never want to witness death again as it's happening, but I am forever grateful to have witnessed her transition to Heaven.  I sang to my Granddaddy all the time, whether he had Alzheimer's or not.  My singing is what helped Granddaddy when we was frustrated (when he had Alzheimer's), as it was soothing to his listening ear (according to his nurses it was the only thing that kept him grounded).  I also would sing to Nanny Comp., when she was healthy, but also as she was dying before my eyes.  My Granddaddy died on August 31, 1994.  I will never forget this day, August 31, 1994, as I arrived home from my third day of college to tell him about my new experience at Richland Community College.  I was going to change into my comfortable clothes (I had to make a good impression on my new friends, so I wore cute clothes and makeup-- totally NOT me) and immediately head up to visit Granddaddy.  I knew Granddaddy had died when I got home, because both of my parents were there.  I cried like a baby, simply because I knew he was gone and so was that terrible illness.  My singing would calm Granddaddy, so I was thankful he was out of pain and released from his suffering, but this was a hard loss.  Remember, Granddaddy had Alzheimer's.  I have been a lucky soul to help people when they aren't at their best;  I have been on the receiving end of so many blessings, that I can only think music was the root of my happiness from the time I was born.  My mom, as she says, doesn't have a musical love for opera, so she tolerated my opera singing because I was her daughter.  That being said, my daddy LOVES all classical music, but I didn't know this until I was in high school.  My sixth grade counselor at Lakewood Elementary in Dallas, TX, is the one who told me I should pursue music as a career.  I didn't know what opera was until I was in the sixth grade.  Their were only two of us who LOVED the opera field trip to see the "Magic Flute" at our Dallas Music Hall-- me and Keicee Naim.

     As life would evolve, Keicee and I are both now opera singers.  Our lives have inter-twined because of our love of music, but most of all, I think we both knew what we loved:  the opera and our love of singing.  I am forever grateful for that sixth grade field trip to see "Magic Flute" and for Keicee's friendship.  Keicee and I have been life-long friends since we were five years old, but because of our love of music and opera, we can still have a meaningful conversation about Gilbert and Sullivan after all these years.  Yes, we are both 40, are moms to awesome boys (Keicee lives in Houston with her husband and two sons), and we both still love to perform.  Keicee is involved with the Gilbert and Sullivan Guild in Houston and is my very best friend.  We may go for months without talking on the phone, but when we pick up that phone to talk to each other, it's like we haven't missed a beat.  This kind of friendship, I pray, happens to Cole.  Once in a lifetime, you find that friend you can tell your inner-most thoughts, fears, frustrations, and happy times to and they know-- they just get it.  Keicee is that friend that I cherish the most.  Without Keicee, I don't know what I would have done with my life professionally.  She gets me like my husband gets me, which is not an easy thing to do!  Cole has a friend, that I think, is going to be that friend to him, like Keicee is to me.  As time passes, we shall see about Cole's very best friend since the first grade.  I know Keicee is there for me at a moment's notice.  I thank God each and every day for this friendship I have with Keicee.  Okay, so now back to life and living on a daily basis with autism.

     I attended a State Autism conference last week that was hosted by Metrocare Services and Children's Hospital of Dallas.  I had not heard of Metrocare, simply because we have always been steered in the direction of the Autism Treatment Center (which is awesome, even though we don't go there).  The information they gave everyone was very useful and helpful, but two of us were scratching our heads at the end of it.  Both of our sons are entering puberty and we both wanted to know why this isn't addressed.  We were told by doctors at this conference (as I spoke up) that there needs to be more research on this topic:  autism and puberty.  Without skipping a beat, I blurted out:  "There sure does need to be a way to find out what to do with boys, in particular, when addressing this subject.  What are YOU, the PROFESSIONALS going to do about it?".  Apparently, I am not the only person who is worried about this.  Cole LOVES to kiss anyone-- that's his thing, simply because of the New Year's Eve ball drop, and Dick Clark kissing his wife.  The other parent and mom (who gave up her full time job to make sure her son is safe at all times) that I spoke with after the conference, said and felt the exact same way I do.  What is going to be done in terms of kids maturing into adulthood?  There is NOT a cure for autism.  How are we, as parents who have kids on the autism spectrum, going to make sure that they are safe at all times.  The main issue I have tried to address since Cole was a toddler and didn't speak is, "What am I going to do as Cole's caregiver and parent to give him what he needs to thrive in life?".  Holly Robinson Peete, actress, autism advocate, mom, and wife to Rodney Peete, says it poignantly, eloquently, but most of all, effectively when trying to deal with puberty and hormones in a boy with autism.  Holly and Rodney's oldest son has autism.  For reference, note the article in the Huffington Post:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-robinson-peete/autism-awareness-day_b_2991931.html.  Holly Robinson Peete's words echo exactly how I feel about Cole and the upcoming hurdles we are already facing, when addressing puberty:  

Then came the next mega-hurdle (cue scary music): puberty. So... we all know that puberty for a typical kid is no walk through the park on a Sunday. But when autism collaborates with these raging hormones it can be extra challenging, and in our case it felt like getting the diagnosis all over again. Regression presented itself, echolalia and stemming returned, and we met new issues we were unprepared for like OCD, depression and -- suddenly -- we are on seizure watch (something he has never had yet, thank God, but can present itself during this time). You see, we'd made so much progress that we just took it for granted that it would just continue into adulthood . Yet we now find ourselves feeling like rookies instead of the thick-skinned autism veterans thought we'd become.

Socially, the stakes change when high school begins. For a 15-year-old with autism, it can be like being at the bottom of the Grand Canyon looking up. A massive climb. The "normal" things, like what teen boys do in their rooms alone... well, that all has to be managed very closely to make sure it isn't done anywhere else in a socially inappropriate setting. (Dad territory for sure, Lawd Jesus!). And girls... sigh. I am always so paranoid he won't have the social swagger needed to navigate these young things. If he makes just one innocent inappropriate physical or verbal gesture in an environment that lacks compassion, it could be very costly for him.

But the main issue for me, the one that keeps me up at night, is will my sweet 6-feet-tall, lanky, milk chocolate 15-year-old be able to self-advocate in life. Who will protect his heart when I am not around? How will his survival skills work for him in real world situations...?

     Okay, so now you understand, maybe?, how I feel about puberty.  I was one of the lucky ones.  I didn't have my first real kiss until I was 14 years old.  The first boy I kissed died from cancer.  I thought my kiss had killed him, so I was terrified of dating because of this.  I didn't date or have my very first boyfriend until I was 16 years old.  I had hormones, but luckily for me, they weren't raging.  I channeled my energy into my love of music and love of everything dance and sports-oriented.  Once I entered college, I started to take an interest in the opposite sex, but I still remained grounded and focused on what I wanted to do with my life:  singing and politics.  Fortunately for me, I didn't become a famous singer or politician, as I can't imagine having to deal with the paparazzi.  However, I was discovered at age 18 by a talent scout.  I was a model from age 18--24, which just kind of happened by chance.  One could say I had a very glamorous life:  I was 18 years old, got into some very nice places (and yes, most of them I had to be 21) because of my "model status", but mostly, I was just having fun and living in the moment.  By the age of 19, I had boys and men ask me out on a daily basis for dates, just because I was so outgoing.  Men thought I was "easy" simply because of my outgoing, larger-than-life personality life, so after the first date, they usually didn't ask me out again, because of my stance on pre-marital sex.  Okay, so maybe this is too much for you to read, but I want EVERYONE to know how I feel when it comes to pre-marital sex:  it is WRONG.  That being said, hormones sometimes get the best of us.  In this day and age, girls not only have to worry about the stigma of being a teen mom, but also fearful of A.I.D.S.  For myself as a parent, a former single mom (I was divorced for seven years), and a mom with a child who has special needs, this is the BIG ISSUE I fear:  Cole discovering his sexuality without me or my husband being present.  

     Please skip over this next part, if it's too much for you.  I am discussing puberty, simply because it is not something that has really been addressed by doctors or other health professionals.  In my personal opinion, I feel puberty is awkward for any kid.  However, for a kid who has autism, puberty rears its ugly head when you least expect it.  Just last week, Cole and I were at Michael's and normally if we somebody with us, I let him go with one of his friends to an aisle that has "Oobi eyes".  On this certain day, however, it was just me and Cole.  Cole noticed a couple, visibly "excited" by each other, and Cole noticed this couple.  I was just guessing they were about 16-18 years of age.  What happened next was a bit unusual:  "As we were staring at them (yes I was gawking too), the man proceeded to take out his hand from his girlfriend's back pocket, placed his other arm and hand around her back and grabbed her boob.  Without any warning at all, Cole walked up to the couple (I was holding his hand), and grabbed the lady's boobie."  Okay, there it is.  Puberty rearing it's ugly head in PUBLIC.  Professionals, as you know, are not my favorite people, but something needs to be done to address puberty in kids who have autism.  I am one of the lucky ones.  The couple was startled, I am sure, by Cole grabbing her tit.  I explained to them that he saw them "cuddling" (they really needed to get a room!), and that he imitates what he sees.   My mom instinct kicked in and we left soon after this happened.  Secretly, I hope I never have to experience this again, but with Cole, I never know what is going to happen next.  The life of boys and puberty is a mystery.  Being a mom to a kid who happens to have autism is truly a gift.  Furthermore, I wouldn't change a thing about my son; I would only change other people's outlooks on how they view him.  I am proud of Cole everyday and each day brings a new learning experience.

     I hope you enjoy reading my blog, as I really do pour my heart and soul into it!  I am now off to a very necessary lunch with some very good friends.  Don't forget to take a little time for yourself.  As the television show says, "Take time out and enjoy The View".  I try to have some fun in my life every week!  Peace out and there is so much more to come!  Please let me know what interests you by commenting on my blog.  Do you want more personal stories or the science behind autism?  Have a WONDERFUL APRIL AND DON'T FORGET TO LIGHT IT UP BLUE FOR AUTISM AWARENESS MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Also, a shout out to my SMU Mustangs men's basketball team:  WIN BIG ON THURSDAY!  Pony up my fellow SMU MUSTANGS AND ALUMNI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!