When Words Fail, Music Speaks

When Words Fail, Music Speaks

  There are times that I question my sanity.  We have had quite a roller coaster year, since forming the two bands "Bebop Girls" and "Cole Warren and the Jambox Boys".  I love all of the kids that are in both of these groups, simply because they love coming over to Cole's house.  I am grateful for music, simply because it gave Cole a voice and now a very active social life.  My new mantra I live by is this:  "When words fail, music speaks".  I woke up one morning this year and thought of this concept.  Cole really didn't speak until he was eight years old.  I prayed daily that I could find something that would break through that non-verbal wall and he would talk to me.  Cole said a few words when he was a toddler:  "pizza, Star Wars, Daisy (our dog)", but mostly he did his countdown from Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve.  Each day I would wake up and pray that Cole would say something different, besides counting down from 60-1, "Happy New Year 2005".  Cole's language deficits were very frustrating to me, but since I had a strong faith, I just let God lead me to the next doctor who I thought could help us.  What I know now vs. what I knew then is simply this:  let your child shine in no matter what they do, even if it's a New Year's countdown.  Cole now downloads music, listens to Ryan Seacrest on his radio talk show, tells me about Dick Clark and how he's his favorite celebrity, and also who pushes the button with Mayor Rudy Giualliani or Mayor Michael Bloomberg.  Cole said the reason he loves the song "Imagine" so much is because he first heard it on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve.  I was worried about Cole when Dick Clark died in 2012, simply because I knew he would be sad.  Each day, Cole asks me "Mom, when did Dick Clark die?"  My reply is, "Cole you tell me.  Why do you ask?".  This small conversation gets me excited, simply because Cole is asking me questions, he knows what he wants to say, and he tells me how much he misses Dick Clark.  Now added to that list are Buster Cooper (my former tap dance teacher and extraordinaire) and Jerry Nelson (the voice of Count von Count from Sesame Street).  I know music and the countdown are the reason my Cole speaks.  I now can't shut him up, simply because he had all of this knowledge bottled up and he is still trying to get it out.

     We have been so fortunate to have so many wonderful teachers grace our lives.  By now, you know that Robert and Dottie Giesler are very important people in our lives.  Just to remind you, Robert was my high school principal at Woodrow Wilson High School.  Dottie is his better half and we are so blessed to know both of these people.  Without them, I don't think I would have gotten this far in life.  There are certain teachers that leave a mark on your lives and you never forget them.  Armelia King is one of those teachers that left a very positive and lasting impression on my life.  She was a mentor, coach, and amazing teacher.  She was tough, but she had to be tough because she taught middle school science.  I love this woman, simply because she was the greatest teacher of all time, in my eyes.  I have been blessed to reconnect with her daughter, Dottie-- yes Dottie (not Robert's wife), and have been fortunate enough to see both Coach King and Dottie this past month.  Sometimes there are circumstances that prevent a person from reconnecting with your loved ones.  I thank God each and every day Dottie and I found each other again, simply because she was such a great friend to me at J.L. Long Middle School and her mom was such an important part of my life.  I am one lucky woman who counts her blessings every day.

     Today, as I woke up I prayed for Becca Bryan and her family.  This is one teacher who is like Armelia King.  She loves all of her students at Merriman Park Elementary and she thinks of ways to keep her students engaged in learning.  She is the music teacher at Merriman Park Elementary and she is moving onto greener pastures.  I can't say I didn't see this coming.  Becca is the most inspiring music teacher I have ever met.  She gets life.  She loves her husband and kids with every breath she takes.  She loves music, but most of all, she loves my Cole.  She tells me every day what he says at school, how much he helps her, what he does in her class (he has Becca twice a week), and how all of the students love Cole.  She gets it.  She is one of those contagious people that I love, simply because I think she loves to teach music.  Merriman Park Elementary is going to lose a lot of great teachers this summer, simply because of the changes that were made to this great school a year ago.  I knew Becca was going to leave Merriman Park.  She didn't tell me she was going to leave.  I could read her like a book.  I knew if there was something better out there, she would take it.  I have witnessed great teaching, great music educators, and great artists come into my life, but Becca is one of those rare breed of teachers that inspires me every day.  I dream about a world filled with Becca Bryan's and Phil Bryan's (her husband), simply because they are great people and great teachers.  She has inspired me to write this blog, simply because she believed in me.  Episcopal School of Dallas is going to have a treasure of a teacher.  Becca's presence is going to be missed at Merriman Park Elementary.  I really can't put into words what she has done for MPE and my son, simply because I could write a book about her and her impact she has made at MPE in two short years.  I will be forever grateful for Becca and Judith Kline (the part-time MPE music teacher) for encouraging Cole to always do his best.  They are inspiring and amazing teachers.  I pray for Becca every day, simply because she is one of those people that prays for me.

     This post will now be wrapping up and we have only six days of school left!  I am swamped, overwhelmed, and simply amazed by how many activities the 6th graders have at Cole's school.  I am now in the final stages of making sure the kids get their choreography right, memorize their lines, and remember their words when they are singing!  Did I mention that Cole is singing "Imagine" for his solo at his final Merriman Park Elementary talent show?  I am truly blessed God picked me to be Cole's mom.  Cole is the most amazing young man.  I know if you met him, you would love him too.  Give your child a chance.  Know that if your child doesn't speak it doesn't mean they don't have anything to say.  They have to find their voice in something they love.  Cole found his voice in music.  I love the fact that I am an opera singer and that Cole loves to sing.  I don't teach Cole how to sing-- he teaches himself.  I could hire somebody to give Cole private voice lessons, but he knows how to sing.  This kid amazes me every day.  He gets life.  He understands what love is.  He loves being Cole.  I wish our world was filled with people like Becca Bryan and Cole Warren.  They make this place a better world to live in.

Life As We Know It

Life As We Know It

     

     I have made some great choices in life, but if I didn't have the proper guidance and discipline I may have turned out just awful (like some of my friends).  There are some people I grew up with that had parents that were there for them, but for all the wrong reasons.  I wonder now if those parents regret the decisions they made in regards to their parenting skills.  My brother and I always knew growing up that if we screwed up, that phone call would be coming to my mom.  My mom was one of those parents that are known today as a "helicopter" parent.  I believe I am one of those helicopter parents, which is NOT a bad thing.  I have friends that have now died due to drug addiction, suicide, or just made bad choices, simply because they had parents that thought about themselves before their kids.  I now see some of these "friends" that I grew up with who are now parents, and I just wonder if they are making the same parenting mistakes their parents made.  One of my best friends I grew up with is no longer one of my friends, simply because she didn't know how to keep her mouth shut.  She tried to be a good friend to me, but I think in all honesty, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  I would say to my friends (who are really aren't my friends) that I grew up with, PARENT YOUR KIDS.  Don't be their best friend.  Don't try to be one of the kids.  Discipline your kid and their friends.  They will appreciate it in the long run and you are doing yourself a favor. My son has one of those friends that needs very strict parenting, but I can't do it because I am not his mother.  He needs guidance, but most of all, he craves that attention from his mom.  I look back on my life and I thank God every day that I had a mom that was always there for me, simply because I think I am a pretty awesome mom due to her parenting skills.  I am eternally blessed that I also have the most wonderful Mother-in-law too, simply because she gave me the most awesome husband!

     We have eight days until school is out!  I am counting down the days with Cole until June 5th gets here, simply because I am ready for summer.  Cole has the best life and amazing friends.  We are ready for middle school, but most of all we are ready to move onto greener pastures.  Many of you know the disdain I have for the Principal at Merriman Park Elementary.  She is not worthy to be our Principal, simply because she doesn't get it, and I don't think wants to get it.  Book knowledge isn't everything.  Living your life to fulfill God's word is what I always try to live by, but sometimes this is hard.  I know without my faith in God, I wouldn't be where I am today in life.  I have a great life, full of joy, happiness, but most of all unconditional love.  I was shocked to find in my mailbox this weekend a really nice blinged out shirt (I love shiny and blingy everything!) along with one of the sweetest hand written notes.  This friend is so amazing and we met a little over two years ago at Merriman Park Elementary.  She sent me one of her custom-made shirts with a heart on it.  Once I read the card I was in tears.  The shirt was a heart with the autism emblem inscribed on it in bling and she said she thought of me when she saw it.  The card is personal, but it basically said that I was an incredible parent and loving person who loved and nurtured so many kids.  I had no idea I had made that impression on her, simply because I think she is a wonderful mom, wife, and friend.  The little things mean a lot, so I am thankful for Andrea and her friendship.

     There are many people that come and go in our life, but one of those families that have become a part of our life are Josh and Sheridan.  I adore their three girls, Avery, Kenzie, and Shelby.  Cole was blessed yesterday by these three girls because we ran into them at our local Memorial Day event.  I made it a mission seven years ago that my son, even though he has autism, would have a normal life.  I made sure Cole had friends that weren't in special education (even though we have made some wonderful friends in special education), simply because I wanted him to understand what the real world was like.  I couldn't have imagined my Cole having the entire student body at Merriman Park worship him, treat him like a king, but most of all love him for just being Cole, but it has happened.  I am a little teary-eyed writing this blog, simply because our time is ending at MPE.  We have been beyond blessed by so many families and parents, that I really don't know where to start to thank the families that have loved Cole and nurtured him.  One of the very first families that I met at MPE were Chris La Vigne and Meredyth Childress.  This family welcomed us into their lives when they didn't even know us!  Meredyth is one of those moms that is simply amazing.  Meredyth just gets it, simply because she puts her kids first.  When I first met Meredyth, she had very long hair with a few streaks in it, so I knew we would be instant friends (because of the streaks).  Meredyth and Chris are advocates for all kids and we are lucky to call them our friends.  There are certain people you meet that you know are going to be there for you:  Meredyth and Chris are those people (along with a number of other parents).  

     I must wrap up this post today, because it's time to start breakfast for Cole, but if I could leave you with one bit of information, it's this:  PARENT YOUR KIDS.  Don't let your kids become complacent, simply because you won't discipline them.  Cole has autism, but that doesn't mean I don't have rules.  He appreciates those rules, even if  he thinks I am a bit harsh at times.  I want Cole to grow up and understand how much I love him.  Please leave your mark on this world, simply by showing your kid or any kid unconditional love.......

Friendship: Cole's Best Friend

Friendship:  Cole's Best Friend

     There are many things I can say about parenting.  For me, I personally wanted to be the best mom for Cole.  I never thought in a million years, I would become "that mom".  When I say "that mom", I mean the mom who opens up her house, takes Cole's friends to 7-11, Party City, and Target, simply because I love them all.  I have been asked by my friends, "How in the world do you do it?  Why don't you just have one or two friends over at a time for Cole?"  Seriously, I thought I was going to have a large family like my Granddaddy's family.  My granddaddy Roy came from a family of 8, so I thought this is what I would have.  I only met a couple of his sisters and their children, but because of the relationship I had with my grandfather, I always wanted a big family.  Obviously, this didn't happen because Cole is an only child.  Sometimes I have questioned myself (and my sanity!), simply because I am so tired after having Cole's friends over.  That being said, I wouldn't change one thing, simply because this is what Cole wants.  I have seen my son blossom into this amazing young man, simply because of these friends.  

     I was told by an acquaintance a number of years ago that all Cole needed was one best friend and he would be fine.  I thought to myself, what kind of friend would Cole need?  That friend became very clear to me at Merriman Park Elementary and to Cole.  Archer Fuqua is that kid who became Cole's very best friend.  Archer is one of those kids that is a rare breed:  he loves everyone, fights for Cole and any kid he sees being mistreated, but most of all, Archer is that kid that has become a part of our family.  Cole and Archer don't hang out that much anymore (away from school), but he is that kid that really got Cole and understood him-- even if Cole didn't talk.  Without Archer, I really don't know where Cole would be today.  I asked Archer two years ago, "Archer, who would want to join Cole's band?".  Archer was the one who told me who we should ask to join the band-- Cole's band.  Cole was insistent about singing "Sherry" and "Walk Like a Man" from the hit musical, "Jersey Boys".  Archer said, "Ms. Erika, why don't we ask Tyler and Gabe?".  Little did I know this band would grow and morph into something I could have never dreamed of.  I credit Archer for helping me find those boys who loved Cole, would do anything for him, and even perform in the 4th grade talent show!  These boys, along with Luke, became known as "The MPE Jersey Boys".  We had to change the name, simply because of copyright law, but because of Archer, Tyler, Gabe, and Luke, this band became known as Cole's band.  This band has become our family, simply because of the amazing friendships we have made.  

     Fast-forward to June 3, 2014.  I have worked my butt off to put together this amazing 6th grade talent show (along with the help of Sherrill Crow, Christina Etri, and the amazingly talented Becca Bryan), simply because I expect nothing but the best from my students.  Cole's friends are Mrs. Bryan's students, but because of my involvement with the talent show, I feel like they have become my students as well.  I am working with 18 kids to put on this talent show (some in groups and some individually), simply because I know they are going to be great.  I didn't ask to be the "mom" to all of these kids, but I am so grateful they trust me enough to come to me when they are having a bad day.  I have seen two of Cole's friends blossom this year, and I think it's because they both saw their parents change.  I only know one of these parents, and I am beyond proud of her daughter, simply because she grew up.  She has turned into this amazing butterfly and has so much confidence.  I am forever grateful to see such positive change in this one particular young lady, simply because she has so much to offer.  I am beyond blessed that Cole has so many friends, simply because I was told so many times that he wouldn't have a so-called "normal" life.  I don't know if I was the one that was supposed to help Cole find friends, but because of these two bands "Bebop Girls" and "Cole Warren and the Jambox Boys", Cole has the most amazing life.  

     As an advocate for all children, I feel each child is entitled to a Free and APpropriate Education (F.A.P.E.).  I don't know if I am the one who is suppose to educate parents, guardians, care givers, and teachers about F.A.P.E., but I think I am making a difference in this world of education.  Two of my friends, Rachel Chumney and Bonnie Abadie, ran a good, clean race for our school board.  They didn't win the seats they were running for, but because of Rachel and Bonnie, I am a better mom, autism advocate.  These women, along with Lyn Pollard and Alicia Post, are changing the face of education.  As a parent of a child who does have a learning difference and disability, my voice is not going to be silenced.  I believe women can and do get the job done.  We need more women (and men too!) to be our voice.  I believe Rachel and Bonnie deserved to win, simply because they are the face of change for education.  Change is good, when it benefits everyone.  

     We finished Cole's transitional A.R.D. (Admission, Review, and Dismissal) meeting this past Monday.  This meeting usually takes us an hour (maybe an hour and a half), but because of lack of communication this year, I demanded change for Cole.  Cole's A.R.D. lasted over five hours (broken up into two meetings).  Cole had too much change, and because of it, he suffered greatly the first semester.  I am not a silent mom.  I don't just sit back and think "this too will go away if I don't acknowledge the elephant in the room."  Some people shouldn't be parents and some people don't need to be Principals of a school.  I don't have fool written on my forehead.  The best advice I can give ANY PARENT is to document, keep a journal of your child's behavior, keep a record of items that you have sent to any administrator, teacher, or staff via email, by certified letter, or by phone.  I never thought in a million years that I would have to use my Wright's Law Book and my I.D.E.A. manual any year, simply because I thought Cole would always have a safe and productive environment at school.  I am grateful I learned in high school, compliments of Robert Giesler, that I needed to write down everything when it came to bullying.  I was bullied in middle school and high school, but I had a voice.  For children like Cole, they don't have a voice.  

     By now, you know that I have not been pleased or happy with the lack of communication this year at Cole's school, Merriman Park Elementary.  We had the most amazing principal, Laurie Taylor, for four years at MPE.  There are some parents that like this year's Principal, simply because she knows how to play up to them.  For kids and parents like us, we need a Principal who has balls.  We needed a Principal who is there for us, and doesn't hide in their office, simply because they don't know how to delegate or know special education law.  We needed accountability when it comes to bullying.  Every year, I introduce myself to Cole's teachers (especially new teachers), simply because I want them to feel welcome at Merriman Park Elementary.  Each year, I give new teachers and staff members a hand-written note of welcome and include our contact information.  I do this  because I want them to know I care about them and Cole's education.  I love my son and I expect the best from him each and every day.  I expect Cole's teachers, staff, and administration to put his needs above their own, simply because this is what I do for all kids.  I am not going to rant about the lack of communication (regarding the Principal at Merriman Park Elementary) anymore, simply because we are moving on to greener pastures.  I have had more communication in the past month from Forest Meadow Junior High School, simply because they get it.  They are on top of things at Forest Meadow Junior High and I am so grateful Cole will be attending this amazing school for two years.  I am a voice of reason and change.  I expect great things for my son.  I do not tolerate bullying of any kind, and if I witness any bullying, I always try to figure out a way to communicate my feelings to the bully.  I love my son, I love my life, but most of all, I demand the truth.  I am not going to go away, simply because someone doesn't have an answer.  I do my research, I am a bit vocal, but I don't tolerate anyone doing their job half-ass.  I have always asked questions, and if I don't get an answer, I keep asking until I can get an answer.  

     I am a voice of change, reason, and substance.  I will never be silenced, simply because I was not born this way.  I look forward to the summer, simply because this is my time to rest and relax with Cole and my wonderful husband.  We only have 13 days of school left and I am going to relish this time with Cole and his friends, simply because we can't turn back time.  I am so grateful for Archer Fuqua, Ryan and Amy and this amazing family.  Without Archer, I really don't know where we would be today.  Archer, you are Cole's very best friend and always will be.  Thank you for your unconditional love and support you have shown Cole.  You are an amazing kid and Cole is so lucky to call you his "brother from another mother!".  Peace out................

The Small Victories: God is Always There

The Small Victories:  God is Always There

     By now, you know that I believe in God.  Cole believes in God, but he asked me yesterday, "Mom who is God?".  I tried to answer his question literally (God is someone who is always with us, in spirit, and loves us unconditionally).  I now realize Cole was asking me, why do we believe in God because I can't see Him.  Today when we were driving home from school, I told Cole God is always with us and that we are never alone.  The next response took me aback:  "Mom, then you are God.".  I was shocked that Cole compared me to God, simply because I am always with him.  I love our church, simply because they do a great job educating Cole about Jesus and God.  He attends a Sunday School specifically designed for kids and adults who have cognitive, physical, and learning differences.  This Sunday school has been my saving grace.  Cole's Sunday School teacher is amazing!  She is the head of special needs at our church and she is one of the few people that I have gone to when I need help with Cole.  There are certain people that come into your life for a reason.  Ashley is one of those rare people that understands what Cole needs.  Without Ashley, I wouldn't have the wealth of knowledge I now have.  She is a gift from God and I am blessed to call her my friend.

     Today, we finished Cole's transition A.R.D.  I call today a small victory, but an important victory, simply because I was able to use the law to get what I wanted for Cole's I.E.P. next year!  I trust my inner voice and sense of reason, but I am also careful about what I am signing when it comes to that very important document.  I have learned more about myself as an autism advocate in the past school year than I have in the seven years Cole has had an I.E.P.  I am very proud of myself for many reasons, simply because it is very hard to write that perfect I.E.P. and make sure it's being followed.  There are many roads a parent/guardian can take to make sure they have a great I.E.P., but unless it is followed, the I.E.P. is worthless.  I am an advocate for all students, but when it comes to Cole, I am his number one fan to make sure he is getting what he needs to thrive in and out of the classroom.  

     Cole's I.E.P. has always been my top priority when it comes to his education.  I was always bored when it came to "those teachers" who taught to the test.  The interesting teachers were those that taught outside of the box.  This is why Dr. Carol Reynolds and Professor Barbara Hill-Moore were always my favorite teachers at SMU, Meadows School of the Arts, because they are those "think outside of the box" professors.  I had a few teachers in elementary school, middle school, and high school that taught outside of the box.  These teachers (Lilli Grant, Arnold Young, Armelia King, Sharon Morgan, Betty Parrett, and Jack Mattingly) were simply amazing at what they did.  Looking back, I realize now why I loved  these teachers so much:  they didn't teach to the test.  They were forward thinkers and because of these great teachers, I feel I have taught my students to think outside the box.  A student like Cole needs a teacher who thinks outside the box, understands him like I do, but most of all, nurture what is inside that brilliant mind.  Nobody needs to be taught to the test.  I stand firm when I say I don't like to teach to the test.  That being said, this is one of the reasons I quit teaching in a classroom, simply because I had to teach what I was told to teach.  Who wants to be told what to do when it isn't fun?  I know I don't want to sit in a classroom, listen to a recorded tape or pound the piano to "Cantate Domino", simply because it was one of those assigned songs for All-District Choir Auditions.  This is a beautiful song, but after you have heard it literally over a thousand times, wouldn't you be bored with it?  I love music, but when it becomes repetitive to my students, I want to change it up a bit.  I can still recall one Friday taking a break from the assigned curriculum and letting my students listen to the type of music they liked!  This started fun Fridays and the best Conga line I have ever seen.  Why did they love Fridays?  I let them have a break from the mundane and boring lesson plans I had to use.  

     The reason I am calling this a small victory today is because I am still a bit pre-cautious when it comes to following Cole's I.E.P.  I trust the administration at Cole's middle school (where he will attend next year), but until I really get to know them and they know me, I always tread in the water for about two weeks, asking myself, "Did I do the right thing?  Should Cole be attending a Private School or is he really going to have F.A.P.E. (Free and APpropriate Education)?".  I ponder each year with this question:  Will Cole's I.E.P. be written to include as needed or do we go by the books and make sure he is doing everything to his possible abilities with help?  I want Cole to be independent.  I want Cole to graduate from high school, get a job, go to college if this is feasible (which I think is possible), get married, and have children.  I won't always be Cole's advocate.  He has the right to decide what role to take when he turns 18.  Can we (his parents) sit in his A.R.D. when he becomes an adult at 18, or will he ban us from this meeting?  I seriously doubt Cole would do this, but to make sure he knows his rights, we will be including Cole in his A.R.D.'s when he is in the ninth grade.

     As a parent and advocate, always be there for your child.  They need you.  However, don't limit your child into thinking they are not capable of doing much after high school.  Dream big for your kid.  Don't let those demons and nay-sayers creep into your mind.  We all worry about our kids.  The best advice I can give you is have the same dreams for ALL of your kids, because you never know what possibilities lie ahead for your child with a disability or not.  I am beyond blessed to have so many advocates and friends.  Do I know what I want to do with my life at age 40?  Maybe.  I never knew I would be a writer.  I never knew I would turn this journal into something bigger.  I always believed I was destined for greatness with my life, simply because my parents always believed in me.  I was never told by my parents, "You're stupid, you're ugly, you don't know what you are talking about.".  I was lucky to have parents that believed in me, no matter where I was in life.  Sometimes, you just have to pick yourself up, dust those doubts away, and listen to God.  I love the fact that I know God is always there for me, Cole, and my wonderful husband.  Without my faith and my trust in God, I know I would have limited Cole.  Don't limit your child, even if they can't verbalize what they need.  You are an amazing person, and if nobody has ever told you they love you, I do!  God loves everyone.  Happy Monday!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day

     I was asked this week "What has been your best Mother's Day?"  In all honesty, I don't really know how to answer that question, simply because each day feels like Mother's Day to me!  Cole was a little over five months old when I celebrated my first official Mother's Day and it wasn't the best.  I was happy to be a mom and I was beyond happy to celebrate this day with my mom and Nanny Comp.  Twelve years later, I can look back and say I love Mother's Day now, but when Cole couldn't tell me I love you, show me how much he loved me, or even know what Mother's Day was about was not the best.  You see, it takes a special kind of mom to realize what you have and don't have.  I was not happy in my marriage, I wanted to feel safe and loved, but most of all, I wanted to be the kind of mom my mom had been to me:  a woman who devoted her life to me and my brother to make sure we knew we were loved and taken care of until we became independent adults.  My brother and I are very close and I know it's because of my mom.  I love my daddy, and I have always been a daddy's girl, but my mom is the glue that keeps us together.  I speak for both of us when I say we are blessed to have a mom that always made sure we stayed out of trouble and had friends that always had our best interests.  Our mom is an amazing person, friend, but most of all she is a great mom.  I know I have put my mom through a lot in life, but I now realize she did a lot for us, simply because that is how she was raised.  

     I have talked about my Nanny Comp. and my mom, but I feel it's necessary to talk about the elephant in the room.  There will be tears shed for moms who are no longer with us, moms who should NOT be moms, and there are people that should be moms and can't, simply because of nature.  I have been blessed to have an awesome mom, but I also consider a few other people in my life to be moms to me as well.  

     Lavern Marr is one of those amazing people that can light up a room with her smile, her warm demeanor can melt your heart, but most of all, she is a kind-hearted woman that cares about everyone.  I haven't seen Lavern since August 2013, simply because of her health.  Lavern is like a second mom to me and to my mother.  She is an amazing person and I am beyond blessed to call her and her family an extension of my family.  People like Lavern Marr, Mac Cullum, and Mattie Bess Pou just don't come into your life and say hello.  These women are pioneers and amazing moms.  I have been blessed by these three women in particular, simply because they saw something in me and gave me my wings to fly.  Mac Cullum and I would talk on the phone for hours on end, then Mac would realize what time it was-- dinner!  Her husband, Charles Cullum, was a great man.  He loved Mac and Lee and I am forever grateful for these wonderful people.  Mac didn't know (or so I thought) I was getting a divorce, but I was able to talk to her and tell her I was unhappy in my marriage.  I was surprised when she told me, "Erika, you only live once.  You deserve a man like my Charlie.  You are Miss America and you should be treated like Miss America.  Let me set you up with Robert Redford because he's available!".  Seriously, Mac was not kidding!  Lee was going to interview him and Mac knew I loved Robert Redford.  I have never met Robert Redford, but love all of his movies.  What is so surprising to me is that I married a man with the same name-- I will let you figure that out later!

     Mattie Bess Pou was the wife of Garvice and mom to Dickey Pou.  These two men were something else!  They both loved Mattie Bess and God Bless Mattie Bess-- she was something else.  You could fall in a hole and she would say, "Well, did you have fun doing it?".  Mattie Bess was my Nanny Comp's best friend.  When Nanny Comp got sick, Mattie Bess would be the one I would call every day just to say hi.  I cherished those visits and phone calls, up until 2011.  I needed Mattie Bess as much as I needed Nanny Comp.  Without Mattie Bess, I don't know how I would have gotten through my grandmother's death in 2004.  She was a woman of God and had a spirit that was simply amazing.  Mattie Bess died in February 2011 and I know she is in Heaven with her Garvice, my grandparents, and her son Dickey.  Dickey was very sick for a long time and my mom and I both thought he held on for Mattie Bess.  He died six months after Mattie Bess passed away.  If you knew Mattie Bess, then you knew she was never sad.  She always had a song in her heart, a prayer on the tip of her tongue, and a forgiving attitude.  Her smile could captivate a room!  I was blessed to know this woman.  She saw me through tough times, graduate from SMU, and meet my now husband.  Mattie Bess was one of a kind.

     The reason I am devoting this post to these women (and all moms) is because they shaped me into the woman I am today.  Mac, Lavern, Mattie Bess, Nanny Comp, Coach King, and my mom, Gwyn Kelley, were the women that inspired me to be the best mom and wife I could be.  I can get frustrated at times with life, simply because I strive to be the best at everything, but in all honesty, I think I am a pretty good mom.  Cole now says "I love you mom" and that's plenty for me!  For the first time mom, cut yourself some slack.  In the blink of an eye, your baby will be grown.  I am beyond blessed that God picked me to be Cole's mom.  I really don't think I could do any better as Cole's mom.  Love one another, be kind, and tell your mom you love her because you never know when that last Mother's Day is.  I love you mom.  

     

A.R.D. Meetings 101

A.R.D. Meetings 101

     Today is a new day and I am refreshed, renewed and revived!  For those of you who have followed my blog, thank you.  I didn't realize how much of an impact I was making in so many people's lives, so I appreciate all of the phone calls, texts, and emails I have received!  My friends are the best and I don't know what I would do without my friends and Cole's friends.  Yesterday was a big day in our lives.  For those of you who don't know what terminology is, A.R.D. stands for Admission, Review, and Dismissal.  This term (A.R.D.) and I.E.P. (Individualized Education Plan)  have become my basic language, since Cole has been in Kindergarten. I have attended every single A.R.D. that Cole has had.  This post is to inform  you, as a parent, guardian, or care-taker of a child who has any type of special need how the special education law is supposed to work and protect your child from bias or harm.  Because of my awareness and understanding of special education law, I felt we have a really good I.E.P. in place for Cole, as he transitions to middle school next year.  I am telling you in advance two books and manuals that have been invaluable to me this year are the book, "Special Education Law", second edition, written by Peter W. D. Wright, ESQ., and Pamela Darr Wright, MA, MSW, founders of the Wrightslaw Website, and the IDEA:  Disability Rights Texas.  www.DisabilityRightsTx.org.  I feel like I have been given a gift, simply because I love to read and do research!  These two manuals are VITAL to have in your life, simply because it tells you what your child is entitled to.

     I am a member of many groups and have a lot of friends, simply because I feel the more I am involved in Cole's life, the better he is going to be.  Writing the perfect I.E.P. is hard.  I thought graduating from SMU was hard, but the difference between SMU and life with Cole are two different types of hard.  I love my son and I would stop a bus for him, but I am fierce about making sure Cole is independent.  Life can get hard at times, but I rely on my book knowledge and faith to get me through the tough times.  I have been constantly in prayer for myself, my husband, and son, simply because I know God is the one who always knows what we need.  I pray to God and ask Him, "What should I do to help solve this problem or situation I am in?".  I have seen parents have meltdowns this year, simply because they are lost and don't know where to turn to.  I am  not claiming I am an expert at solving problems, but I have had many people come to me this year and have asked me, "What can you do for my kid?  I am so lost, frustrated, angry, and upset.  I don't know how to help my kid.  Can you help me?".  I have never seen such sadness and misunderstanding at Cole's school this year.  Parents are pulling their kids out of school, some are being home-schooled, and some are putting their kids in private school.  Why can't our school systems understand that we need more advocacy, training, and awareness for all kids?  I refuse to name the families that have come to me and have asked me for help, simply because we are good friends.  That being said, I am so saddened for our kids that are gifted (very smart) and the kids who have a learning disability.  I believe each school district should train all principals, staff, teachers, and administration when it comes to these special students.  

     I have been blessed by a certain group of parents who are members of a group called S.A.G.E. (Special And Gifted Education).  S.A.G.E. has been my saving grace this year.  I was introduced to this group by a very special friend at Cole's school.  I didn't know how much I was going to need this group, simply because Cole's I.E.P. wasn't followed.  Rules were broken, people lied to me, but most of all, I lost trust in my son's school.  My son should have been protected and should have felt safe at school.  We have had four instances of kids running out of class or have left the campus, simply because they didn't want to be at school this year.  I was worried about Cole when he was getting bullied, simply because he was going through Hell and nobody (administration) seemed to care.  I told a few of Cole's friends and their parents to look out for Cole.  One parent even emailed me and told me that if her son saw something, he would beat up the kid who was bothering Cole.  How in the world did our school go from exemplary to crap in just one year?  Poor leadership.  I have now realized that without knowledge, people use their power and their position to bully you.  I was told that what happened to Cole was "misconduct".  They could use the term "severe misconduct", but not the word bully when describing what happened to Cole.  I am fed up with the lies and hidden agenda.  I am smart.  I am a graduate of SMU.  You don't just graduate from SMU by coasting through and relying on others to do the work for you at Meadows School of the Arts.  

     I learned a lot from my professors at SMU.  I am thankful for the knowledge, experience, and wealth of history I learned from Dr. Carol Reynolds.  She was the most amazing music history professor I had at SMU.  She taught Music History and made it so much fun to learn about Beethoven, Mozart, and Haydn!  She had a way of spinning a story into a picture.  I learned so much from Dr. Reynolds and I am still friends with her to this day!  Professor Barbara Hill-Moore was the best voice teacher, simply because she pushed me to be the best singer I could be.  I have always had a strong work ethic, but because of these two SMU Professors, I believe I am a smart, talented, and overall amazing musician and teacher because of them.  I challenge my students to be the best they can be; I don't just accept C+ work.  I expect A+ work every time I enter a classroom or music studio.  I love to teach, but when my students have lost that love of music, I have failed them.  The reason I am making these statements is because I was failed once by a music teacher.  I vowed to myself that if I was ever going to teach music, I was going to reach all of my students.  I don't know if I changed the face of music education in Texas, but little by little, I am hoping I can make a difference in people's lives, just by writing this blog.

     I will finish this post, simply because I need to go pick Cole up from school, but more will be coming this week!  I love Cole's friends and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for helping Cole transition into the talent show auditions without one slip-up!  I witnessed a miracle yesterday:  my son was able to speak up and give clear instructions to a teacher.  Cole told his friends what he wanted to do.  He listened to me, he started the music, and "Cole Warren and the Jambox Boys" became an instant hit at the Merriman Park Elementary 6th grade talent show auditions.  Never in a million years did I think my son would talk, much less give directions to a teacher!  I love my son.  I will fight for Cole until the day I die.  Tasha Compton, stay strong, you CAN do this for Skylar, and I pray for you every single day.  This blog post is dedicated to you, Skylar, and your family.  As quoted in the book and now famous movie, "The Help":  You is smart, You is Important, and I love you.  

     Peace out!

Change: How To Deal With It When Your Child Has Autism

The Early Years

     I am writing this blog for many reasons.  I admire so many people who live with autism every day.  My inspiration for living is my son, Cole, and my husband.  I want to make a difference in people's lives, so when I die, people can look back and say, "She did a good job.  I am a better person because I knew Erika Warren".  I don't know if I have caused problems by airing out my grievances on my blog about my son's education at his school this year, but I will be the first one to say that change can be good, even when it's combative.  I will be the first to say that change was good for me when I changed churches, got divorced, and found the most amazing husband who supports me and Cole.  He loves us unconditionally.  Change was not easy for me or Cole, but we have adapted to what life holds for both of us.  I know without change, our lives would be so different (and probably not nearly as exciting or good!).  However, for many people who have autism, change is something that is not easy.  This post will examine change, how to deal with unexpected change, and how to move on in a positive way so that it doesn't consume you.

     I have been incredibly blessed by so many people and relationships, that I really can't count on both hands how many people I have loved and lost.  Death = change = which is not something that I like to talk about.  However, sometimes we need to let people go when they can't get any better.  My aunt Cleo died when I was 16 years old.  Her death came at a terrible time in my life (or so I thought).  I was sixteen years old, my mom had just finished chemotherapy and radiation from her two year battle of breast cancer, so we thought Cleo would be fine.  She wasn't.  Cleo was diagnosed in May 1990 and she died on August 9, 1990.  She was given six months to live, but she only lasted six weeks after her cancer diagnosis.  The reason I am talking about Cleo and her death is that it really affected me spiritually and emotionally.  The irony of her death was that my mom and I were in Oaxtepec, Mexico and Mexico City when Cleo died.  We were attending ICYC-- International Christian Youth Conference-- when we received the call.  Do we turn back and go home to Dallas or do we stay here to listen to God's word?  This conference was a big part of my life that helped me realize that God is always with us.  My faith has gotten me through life on so many occasions, but I needed this conference to wake me up and realize that Cleo was gone.  She was never coming back.  I loved Cleo like a mom and her daughter, Kim, and I have always had that sister connection.  Cleo would have been 80 years old yesterday.  She was 56 years old when she lost her battle with cancer.  I know Kim misses her every day, but Cleo's spirit lives on in her.  I don't see Kim often (maybe once or twice a year now), but she is my sister.  I regretted not coming back for Cleo's funeral, but my mom said the best decision we made was to stay in Mexico.  I agree now with my mom, but at the time, I just wanted to go back and say goodbye to Cleo.  I know now, she is always watching me and is loving me from Heaven, along with my Nanny and Granddaddy.

     Change was difficult for me when Cole was diagnosed with autism.  What had I done to fail him as a parent and mom?  How could I have not known Cole had autism?  Autism was not something that was so visible 10 years ago-- even five years ago.  I had witnessed Alzheimer's, cancer, and heart issues in my family.  I blamed myself for not listening to my inner voice.  Did I cause Cole's autism?  Had I let my son watch too much television and Sesame Street?  I realize now it was not my fault.  Autism is NOBODY'S fault.  Cole has autism.  Change has not been easy for him this year, simply because there was too much of it.  I know as a parent, sometimes life can get overwhelming.  I am so tired at times that I feel like falling into bed and taking a 12 hour nap.  I now realize that if I want to remain healthy, I have to take time for me and rest.  Without rest, I am no good to anyone.  My son is getting pretty independent, but sometimes Cole doesn't want to take a shower.  This battle has always been there.  According to Cole "No showers and no baths.  I HATE showers and I HATE baths".  When Cole was four years old, he would fight me and my mom to take a bath.  The first time this happened we were in Florida and I just assumed he had seen something at the beach (like maybe a shark?) and got scared.  I didn't realize this battle would last for nearly two years.  My mom and I physically had to pick up Cole and put him in the tub, because he was so scared.  Once he was in the bathtub, Cole was fine.  Jump forward 8 years later and Cole is much better, but he still hates to take a shower (he is too big now to fit in a bathtub!).  This is one battle I do not like, simply because Cole needs to look and smell good!  I don't know if it's just a boy thing, or if it's an autism issue, since I have friends that tell me their sons don't like to take showers who don't have autism.  I guess once Cole realizes girls don't like him because he stinks, he will get over this.  The reason I am sharing with you these intimate details is because you are not alone.  Kids can be difficult, but what do you do with a kid who is 5'8", nearly 200 pounds, and doesn't like to get clean?  My husband I turn it into a game, tell him that the tickle monster is going to get him, and give him something to look forward to when he gets clean and finishes his shower!

     As I digress, I always wonder what I can do next to help my son in school and at home.  Cole has SO MANY friends and I am constantly amazed by how much they love Cole.  Last week, we went to our school picnic and all of Cole's friends were there.  He loves his friends and the feeling is mutual.  What amazes me is how they help Cole in every aspect of life!  My husband and I are worried that Cole's weight will get out of hand, simply because he doesn't like to exercise.  Treyson, one of Cole's very best friends from the Jambox Boys, is one of the sweetest kids I have ever met.  Treyson comes from a very loving family and his attitude towards Cole is nothing but unconditional love.  He took Cole out to the field, ran with him after the kickball game, and came back and told me "Mrs. Erika, Cole can run fast!  He is my best friend and I am so proud of him!".  Now don't get me wrong, Treyson's very best friend is Matteo.  Matteo and Treyson are like brothers from another mother and I am blessed to know both of these boys!  Matteo's mom and Treyson's mom, who are some of my very best friends, are beyond sweet.  Without these parents and their involvement, Cole's life would be so much different.  My life would be so much different without my friends.  I have learned how to accept help from friends, and without them, I know I would be a lot more tired!   

     I have been told to help  Cole with change.  My husband and I are constantly coming up with ideas on how to help Cole adjust to change.  We know he is in for a lot of change next year when he enters junior high school, but I am vigilant about making sure Cole's I.E.P. is top-notch.  NOTHING slips by me when Cole's I.E.P. is involved.  The I.E.P. is an Individualized Education Plan that is supposed to be followed by his school, the teachers, and administration.  Cole's I.E.P. is something that I have worked on every year for him, simply because I want to set him up for success!  Change is good, when it involves helping Cole achieve his educational needs.  I feel Cole has been cheated this year, simply because we weren't given a paper copy of his current I.E.P. until a month ago.  We were supposed to have Cole's current I.E.P. last October.  Yes, you heard me right, last October was when we were supposed to have Cole's current I.E.P.  We are still waiting for Cole's Speech Evaluation report (yes, that was supposed to be given to us last October too), but I plan on leaving this phase of our life behind me and move on.  I pray Cole's new school will adjust to what he needs and follow his I.E.P.  I am impressed by Cole's junior high school, simply because they have answered my emails and responded in a way that doesn't feel fake or phony.  I am praying and hoping next year's journey into middle school will be a positive experience and change for Cole (and for me).  

     I will end this post today by saying how grateful I am for positive change in Cole's life.  Without change, life would be boring.  However, if change is not good, it is very difficult for a child who has autism to adapt without having meltdowns.  Cole struggled at school the first six weeks, so I paid the price at home.  I have been told Cole is a happy and well-rounded boy.  Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.  My son needs to be challenged at school and his I.E.P. needed to be followed.  Peace out and many blessings to you all!