Second Chances

Second Chances

     Have you ever regretted not following your heart and listening to your inner voice?  There are brief moments in my life that I look back on with fond memories and wished I had not said no.  One of those moments was an invitation to sing in Italy (Amalfi Coast) when I was 23 years old.  I turned this opportunity down because I didn't want to leave my family.  I will be 43 in March and a lot has changed in 20 years since this invitation was extended to me.  Do I have regrets turning this amazing opportunity down?  I regret not saying yes to this opportunity, but I also know in my heart I was not ready.  I feel now I am in my singing prime and can hear my inner voice speaking to me, "keep singing".  The main reason I have not sung professionally in many years is because I thought being Cole's mom came first, singing second.  Family has, and always will be, my number one priority.  Many people have asked me why I no longer sing professionally and my answer always has been family comes first.  I have never had regrets about putting my family first, because they are my life.  Music has, and always will be, a major part of my life, but it doesn't take care of you physical or mental well being.

     My mom was 43 years old when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  I won't lie; it was tough seeing her go through the fight of her life.  Chemotherapy was a bitch.  I remember waking up on a daily basis for two years to make sure she was still alive.  I lived at home until I was 24 years old because I had no desire to leave.  I could have lived in a dorm while a student at SMU, but I always came home because it was safe.  I loved my time as a student at Meadows School of the Arts, as it became my second family, but I also was a creature of habit.  I loved my home and I never wanted to leave the security of it.  Looking back, I am glad I didn't live in a dorm or an apartment because I needed to pass my classes!  A lot of my friends didn't graduate because they partied too hard.  I always give thanks to God for allowing me to attend SMU and have the comforts of home to study.  I would have never been able to pass music history (all 6 classes) if I hadn't had a quiet room and a stress-free study zone!
     I am going to be 43 years old in March 2017.  Why does this bother me?  I feel turning 43 is significant because this is the age my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  I go to the doctor and have had mammograms since I was 33, but it still doesn't take away the worry.  I plan on partying like a rock star this year because you never know when it's your time to go.  You only get once chance at life.  I pray each and every day I live to see 100.  I pray for my husband each and every day he lives to see 105 (he's five years older than me).  I pray I continue to lead a life full of happiness, joy, and excitement!  Happy new year and have a wonderful 2017!

Gratefulness

Gratefulness

     I normally do not rant about people who are jerks, but this is my story and I am sticking to it.  How can we live in a world that gives us so much and not be grateful?  Have you ever walked in the shoes of a blind man, been homeless, hungry, or worry about being raped in a shelter?  I have never experienced any of these things, so I am always grateful to God for giving me a life full of hope, promise, understanding, and unconditional love.  I do, however, wonder about those that have experienced homelessness due an abusive situation.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I was able to get out of an abusive relationship and find God when I needed Him the most.  This is not a public service announcement, but more of a plea.  Please wake up, realize how good you have it, and thank God each and every day for Him giving us Jesus to take away the sins of the world.

     I rarely write about my past because I have never felt the urge to.  That being said, I found myself feeling sorry for myself the other day because Cole is an only child.  I always thought I would have 3 children, but I also knew I wouldn't have 3 children with my first husband.  Everyone has a story, so mine is one that needs to be told.  I was 20 year old college student when I met my first husband.  At first, he seemed wonderful.  He brought me roses, candy, took me out to nice places, and told me he loved me.  Once I was convinced he was the one, I said yes to his marriage proposal.  Little did anyone know after only two months of dating, the abuse started.  We dated for nearly four years before I said "I do".  I rarely put this out there, but I feel my story needs to be told.  I was mentally and physically abused, but I didn't know how to tell anyone because I thought it was love.  I was a senior in college when my life came to a halt, due the car wreck I had mentioned in an earlier blog post.

     Men and women, NEVER THINK IT'S OKAY TO HIDE THE ABUSE.  I had fooled myself into thinking I could handle it on my own.  I am extremely grateful for all that I have.  I may look like I have everything, but I truly had to find the courage to leave an abusive relationship and start again.  Yes, I had an amazing lawyer, but money does not buy happiness.  I only had my faith in the Lord to rely on during this horrendous time in my life because without Him, I knew I couldn't exist.  I have always loved God, but there are at times when I have strayed from His word.  You never know what someone else is going through, even if they appear to be happy.  I am alive and free because of the strength I found in Him.  I had an amazing support group of friends, but I also was blessed to have found a church home at Highland Park United Methodist Church.  They took me in and gave me my wings to fly.  David Davidson saw in me what I didn't:  the ability to sing for God, to witness God's word through music, as well as an unshakable faith.  I knew when I joined Highland Park UMC, I had found my home.

     I am grateful for David Carlock.  He is the one that invited me to his church, Highland Park UMC.  I am grateful for the Reverend Terry Jones, for he is the one that introduced me to my amazing husband, and married us at HPUMC!  I am eternally grateful for God giving me a chance at life again because I truly feel I am in the prime of my life, thanks to my belief in the written word.