Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

     During the holiday and Christmas season, Cole gets really excited about two things:  Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve and watching the ball drop live in Times Square from New York.  I can say this hypothetically speaking, but when I say Cole is obsessed with the New Year's Eve Ball Drop, he is OBSESSED with this once a year phenomenon.  I am thankful for New Year's Eve, simply because this was the first thing that engaged Cole in learning.  I knew from the time Cole was two years old, he was special.  I also knew Cole was my kid and anything he did was cute, so I didn't think much of it when he would keep repeating "10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1, happy new year 2003!".  

     By the time 2004 rolled around, I knew Cole had a learning difference.  The timeline for Cole's progression and seeing how other children were progressing with speech did worry me.  What if he can't catch up in school?  How am I going to get him potty trained and talking by the time he is three?  These were the questions that I had in the back of my head that needed to be answered, but I didn't know who to turn to for help.  I asked  Cole's pediatrician at the time if he had any references for speech therapy for Cole that could help him.  I told Cole's doctor that he wasn't potty trained at his three year old well-check up, but that didn't seem to bother him.    I also told him that I feel Cole needs speech therapy.  Doctors can see many children in one day, so I don't discredit Cole's former pediatrician for not listening to me or picking up on Cole's differences.  However, I knew once Cole was officially diagnosed having autism, I had to change pediatricians.  This was the best decision I made for Cole, me, and my husband.  Cole had the best private speech therapist from kindergarten until sixth grade named Pat Minter, who I credit with giving Cole a voice.  Ms. Pat worked so hard every week with Cole that by the time Cole reached sixth grade, you would never know he had a speech diffiency.  

      I did not know what autism was, but I was about to figure it out in 2005, thanks to the help of an article that was published in the magazine, Dallas Child.  I may have not known what autism was in 2005, but as we look ahead, ten years later, I consider myself an expert in this field.  I hope my blog helps you understand that people with autism are different; however, that does not make them dumb, stupid, or retarded.  I have heard people call others stupid or retarded, simply because of their ignorance towards a disability.  I really feel sorry for people that are so ignorant, simply because they can't see the good  or worth in a person who has autism, downs syndrome, or other learning/physical difference.  I have learned so much from Cole, simply because I haven't limited his thinking.  I knew when I was pregnant with Cole, he was going to be given every opportunity in school and at home to thrive in life.  I also knew that when Cole was diagnosed with autism, my world turned upside down.  The news that is given to you in a meeting telling you your kid has autism is quite an eye opener and shock.  I questioned my parenting skills and wanted to know, "why does my son have autism?.  Once the shock wore off, I knew what I had to do:  keep giving Cole the education he needed to thrive in and out of the classroom.  Cole is now in seventh grade and the life he has is something that he has worked really hard for.  Cole had a lot of help from me and his best friend, Archer, to make, establish, and keep incredible friendships with a lot of his friends, simply because I was not going to be that parent that hides her son from the world.  I credit Archer with being Cole's first very best friend, and because of this amazing and caring soul, Cole is happier than I have ever seen him.  Archer is one of those rare breeds; he loves Cole like his brother.  He would move mountains, run in front of a train for Cole, but most of all, he has always stood up for Cole.  I credit Archer's parents, Ryan and Amy, for giving Archer a strong foundation built on unconditional love, rules, and boundaries.  Because of Archer, Cole has a normal life. There are not many people that open their hearts and home to a kid with autism; I know because we have been there.  Ryan and Amy love Cole and because of them, we are better people.

     Fast forward thirteen years later, the countdown is still a staple in our house!  I love watching Cole get so excited about New Year's Eve, simply because this is his favorite holiday of all time.  Cole still does the countdown every day, whether it be at school, in the car, out in public, or at home.  This is our normal and I love our normal! We may look funny when we are walking across the street and we start to countdown from 10 to 1 in February, then end with "happy new year", but that is us.  I am forever thankful for "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" with your host Ryan Seacrest, simply because this was the first tool in Cole's life that helped him express his words.  Don't give up on your child; you will never know what is going on in their brain.  Sometimes a brain is just so big and full of ideas, that your child can't speak what they are thinking.  I know there are people living with autism that never speak; however, there are plenty of people that do talk who shouldn't!  Love one another, be kind to strangers, but most of all, make your life on Earth one to be remembered for the good that you do in other people's lives.  Happy New Year 2015!

2014: A Year of Reflection

2014:  A Year of Reflection

     I find myself on this journey we call life, and I can honestly say I have no regrets.  My forty years of living makes me feel, at times, like I am living in a 90 year old body, simply because I have done so much for others and not taken time out for myself to relax and rest.  I want to be so much to everyone that my crazy, hectic (yes I know I did this to myself) life just doesn't seem to slow down for one minute!  I was forced this past week to rest, due to a bout of pneumonia.  I am thankful for Christmas break, an incredible husband who does more than he should for me and Cole, but I am also keenly aware that I am not twenty years old.  I can reflect and look back at my life, and know that when I haven't slowed down, my life has caught up with me.  I was forced to slow down this past week and it made me realize that for the first time in my life I was going to die.  I have had pneumonia not once, not twice, but three times since I was 20.  Each time I have had pneumonia, it has been not bad, but REALLY BAD.  I was in depression when I was 20, but I didn't realize I was depressed.  I have been one of the very fortunate souls who have managed to find ways to cope when dealing with depression.  Depression, as we all know by Robin Williams' untimely death, does not discriminate.  I can write this blog post, simply because I have been down that lonely road we call depression.  My next few paragraphs will explain in full detail why depression hurts and where to turn to for help, when you don't feel there is a way out.

     I grew up in a very well adjusted home life.  I had two parents that adored me, a set of grandparents that would move mountains for me, and an incredible older brother that put up with my quirks.  Many people say that if you have a stable home life, you won't suffer from depression.  That is a TOTAL LIE!!!!  I had an incredible childhood that any kid could have picked and said, "Ooh, I want to be Erika.  She has everything."  I am living proof that if you have a stay-at-home mom, a dad who worked himself nearly to death to provide for his two children to have everything, your life will turn out perfect.  I am here to tell you that there is no white picket fence, even if it appears that way.  My parents made a deal early on that my mom would be a stay-at-home mom.  Looking back as an adult, I can't even imagine my mom NOT being a stay-at-home mom.  She did everything for me and my brother.  I attended dance class twice a week, gymnastics the other two days and our Fridays were always filled with either friends over at our house or just having family time together.  I truly believe these were my building blocks that formed me into becoming the great mom that I am today.  I am not bragging that I am a great mom, but I have worked extremely hard to fulfill this role as "great mom" to not just Cole, but to his friends and other students.  I loved my life growing up as a child and as a teenager and I knew when I had children, I would make them feel the exact same way about their childhood as I had:  happy, whole, and loved unconditionally.  However, once I started college, my life began to change.  

     Change is good, but when there is too much change all at once, this can be detrimental to a person who has depression.  I did not know I suffered from depression until I was in my thirties.  I was beat down so hard by my first husband that I started to believe his lies.  This is when my spiraling depression took form-- in the face of my now ex-husband.  I wanted to leave this abusive relationship, but how was I going to leave?  I had three options:  I could find an apartment on my own with Cole (who was not even 1 years old), wait it out and see if he was going to change with minimal counseling, or file for divorce.  Obviously, I chose option number three.  However, was this an easy choice for me?  No.  Divorce is not easy, especially when children are involved.  However, I am here to tell you that it is much better to be alone and happy than suffer in silence.  I knew for my sake and for Cole's life, I had to leave this abusive relationship.  Do I still have regrets from this seven year marriage?  Who's to say I won't look back when I am on my deathbed and say I am sorry to my ex-husband.  However, in this lifetime, it is never going to happen, simply because it is out of my power to say I am sorry to that jerk.  Did I grow and learn from that relationship?  Of course I did.  My first marriage taught me what to look for in a husband, lover, and great father for Cole.  I can write this blog post with sincerity knowing that if I was still married to my first husband, I may not be alive.

     I knew in my heart on September 23, 2004, my marriage was over.  This date stands out so clearly to me, simply because this was the day my Nanny Comp died.  Nanny Comp's life, legacy, and love lives on in me, Cole, my brother, his children, and my parents.  Again, I will get back to the topic of depression, but I cherish my memories of my Nanny and Granddaddy.  Nanny and Granddaddy gave me a life that wasn't about the "stuff at Christmas".  Nanny and Granddaddy were always there for me, even if it meant just coming to see me sing for three minutes at a twice yearly voice recital at Eastfield College.  I credit my mom's parents, Roy and Ethilen Compton, for giving my mom the life that I have.  They adopted my mom at the young age of two weeks old when they were 36 years old.  My grandparents were considered "old parents" back then-- 1944, but by today's standards, I think it's pretty normal.  The best decision Nanny and Granddaddy made was to adopt my mom and give her a life that she would not have had, otherwise.  I also credit my "Granny B." for giving my mom up for adoption, simply because this was the most selfless act a mom can do-- put her child's needs before her own.  Roy and Ethilen's spirit is what gets me through those dark times.  The memories I have will always comfort me when I think I can't go on any more.  I have never tried to actually commit suicide, but I can say I have called the suicide hotline number once.  I am putting this out there to let you know depression can hurt, but you can get through your darkest times.  I know because I have been there.  The phone number can be googled if you need it, but I don't want to google "Suicide Hotline" right before Christmas, simply because I am in a great place in my life!

     I also received much needed help from a school district that I was working in when I was at my lowest.  I was working twenty hour days, suffering in silence, "Why wasn't I the best choir teacher?", only to realize that I had friends at my new place of work.  I credit those friends for saving me, helping me get to a safe place in my life, and showing me that teaching isn't a job, it is a way of life.  Sarah, Christina, Carrie, Brandon, Kathleen, and Raquel, thank you for helping me get through those times at that school.  You may never know how much of an impact you had on me at that time, but I credit you for saving my life.  I would have never known about Teacher's AFT if it hadn't been for you all.  AFT was my savior and they were going to be the ones that finally helped me put together the pieces of my adult life.  I was nearly raped at my school by a middle school aged boy, simply because I was too nice of a teacher.  AFT fought for me, had my back every step of the way, and gave me a name to call if I needed to talk to anyone.  That name was Susan and she has been my go-to counselor ever since.  I can say that if Dallas I.S.D. does get one thing right, they provide help when it is much needed to their teachers.  Because of this help, I was able to move on past my prior life, talk out my demons to Susan (ex-demons = ex-husband), and move on with my life.  I was dating my now husband at the time, but I knew I was never going to get married until I addressed that skeleton in my closet-- my past.  

     I am blessed to say that because of the help I received from Susan, I no longer suffer in silence.  The best thing you can do if you suffer from depression is speak up.  Don't hold your emotions inside of you and bury it deep down within your soul, thinking it will go away.  That feeling of emptiness never leaves you until you tell someone.  I would not have the life I have today with my amazing husband and son if I had not reached out to Susan.  Yes, there are days that I do feel 90 years old simply because I do too much for others.  However, God put me on this Earth to do good.  I want to leave this world and say, yes it's a better place because I am in it. Depression is a silent killer and shouldn't be.  Robin Williams is now free of his demons and I am so glad he is finally at peace.

     We shouldn't have to lose one more amazing soul, simply because people don't know who to turn to.  Love your family, tell your friends you love them every day, because you secretly don't know what goes on behind closed doors.  That beautiful white picket fence family may be the one that needs to hear it the most:  "I love you son.  You are brave, wise, smart, and the best son I could have ever asked for."  I was one of the lucky ones who had a ton of support.  There may be other kids and adults that aren't as lucky.  Tell them you love them, give them a hug, but most of all, be that person who is there for them.  God gives us one life.  Use your life and inspire others to strive for greatness.  You never know who needs to hear, "I love you".  Merry Christmas, happy new year, and may you all have a terrific, healthy, and prosperous 2015!