Growing up with Autism
We have learned just in the past month how people react to those living with a disability. I can honestly say we moved to a neighborhood that not only embraces Cole's autism, but loves him because he is one of the sweetest, funniest, and intelligent young men I know. God says don't limit your thinking, which I take to heart. I have never limited Cole or his thinking, so I feel very fortunate to have finally found peace in my life. This may sound cliche, but finding that inner peace is so important to maintain balance and harmony for daily living. I feel very blessed to have found my voice as a singer once again, and it is because of listening to God. I realized how much I missed singing, and because of an amazing choir at my church, I have been able to re-connect my spirituality through music. I was trained as a classical opera singer, but I rarely have time to sing professionally, due to my commitment to Cole and my husband. Family comes first, then career. I love my life, but I also realize my son is growing up, and I need to let him be independent. Most parents don't realize how hard it is to let go of the apron strings when having a child with a disability, but the reality of having a teenager in the house makes me want to pull out my hair at times. Yes I said it. Cole is a teenager and wants his independence. I never gave up on Cole, and I sure am glad he has never given up on me. I can honestly say I am one of those helicopter parents, but because of my faith in God, I am slowly letting go of my apron strings.
My granddaddy, Roy Compton, was the reason I never quit singing. Grand daddy loved opera and because of my love of singing opera, he always wanted to hear me sing. I never knew the classical song "Summertime" from "Porgy and Bess" would be the song that would comfort him when he had Alzheimer's disease. I feel this song was a welcome respite from the outbursts Grand daddy would have, due to his Alzheimer's. I also feel my grandfather's illness prepared me for motherhood. I have never once questioned God about Cole's autism, but I have wondered at times, why there is so much illness in this world. Through the test of time, God has always been there for me, but sometimes I just didn't want to hear Him. I feel because of my faith in God, my life is incredible, as well as Cole's.
Motherhood is hard. The time God gives us here on Earth should be cherished and not wasted. I have been tested by the devil many times, but my faith in God causes me to pause when life throws me a curve ball. Listening to my inner voice has always served me well, and I continue to pray every day that I listen to my inner voice. Cole's autism has defined me as a mom, but because of my never-give-up attitude, I press on and thank God for giving us Cole. I find myself wondering what life would be like without autism or understanding the complexities of this neurological disorder. However, the teenage heartbreaks and the other worries of motherhood don't really bother me as they probably should: drug use, sex before marriage, the first broken heart are things that won't affect Cole because of his autism. I am grateful for God's love, but I am also so very thankful for understanding that God doesn't mess up.
