Friendship: Cole's Best Friend

Friendship:  Cole's Best Friend

     There are many things I can say about parenting.  For me, I personally wanted to be the best mom for Cole.  I never thought in a million years, I would become "that mom".  When I say "that mom", I mean the mom who opens up her house, takes Cole's friends to 7-11, Party City, and Target, simply because I love them all.  I have been asked by my friends, "How in the world do you do it?  Why don't you just have one or two friends over at a time for Cole?"  Seriously, I thought I was going to have a large family like my Granddaddy's family.  My granddaddy Roy came from a family of 8, so I thought this is what I would have.  I only met a couple of his sisters and their children, but because of the relationship I had with my grandfather, I always wanted a big family.  Obviously, this didn't happen because Cole is an only child.  Sometimes I have questioned myself (and my sanity!), simply because I am so tired after having Cole's friends over.  That being said, I wouldn't change one thing, simply because this is what Cole wants.  I have seen my son blossom into this amazing young man, simply because of these friends.  

     I was told by an acquaintance a number of years ago that all Cole needed was one best friend and he would be fine.  I thought to myself, what kind of friend would Cole need?  That friend became very clear to me at Merriman Park Elementary and to Cole.  Archer Fuqua is that kid who became Cole's very best friend.  Archer is one of those kids that is a rare breed:  he loves everyone, fights for Cole and any kid he sees being mistreated, but most of all, Archer is that kid that has become a part of our family.  Cole and Archer don't hang out that much anymore (away from school), but he is that kid that really got Cole and understood him-- even if Cole didn't talk.  Without Archer, I really don't know where Cole would be today.  I asked Archer two years ago, "Archer, who would want to join Cole's band?".  Archer was the one who told me who we should ask to join the band-- Cole's band.  Cole was insistent about singing "Sherry" and "Walk Like a Man" from the hit musical, "Jersey Boys".  Archer said, "Ms. Erika, why don't we ask Tyler and Gabe?".  Little did I know this band would grow and morph into something I could have never dreamed of.  I credit Archer for helping me find those boys who loved Cole, would do anything for him, and even perform in the 4th grade talent show!  These boys, along with Luke, became known as "The MPE Jersey Boys".  We had to change the name, simply because of copyright law, but because of Archer, Tyler, Gabe, and Luke, this band became known as Cole's band.  This band has become our family, simply because of the amazing friendships we have made.  

     Fast-forward to June 3, 2014.  I have worked my butt off to put together this amazing 6th grade talent show (along with the help of Sherrill Crow, Christina Etri, and the amazingly talented Becca Bryan), simply because I expect nothing but the best from my students.  Cole's friends are Mrs. Bryan's students, but because of my involvement with the talent show, I feel like they have become my students as well.  I am working with 18 kids to put on this talent show (some in groups and some individually), simply because I know they are going to be great.  I didn't ask to be the "mom" to all of these kids, but I am so grateful they trust me enough to come to me when they are having a bad day.  I have seen two of Cole's friends blossom this year, and I think it's because they both saw their parents change.  I only know one of these parents, and I am beyond proud of her daughter, simply because she grew up.  She has turned into this amazing butterfly and has so much confidence.  I am forever grateful to see such positive change in this one particular young lady, simply because she has so much to offer.  I am beyond blessed that Cole has so many friends, simply because I was told so many times that he wouldn't have a so-called "normal" life.  I don't know if I was the one that was supposed to help Cole find friends, but because of these two bands "Bebop Girls" and "Cole Warren and the Jambox Boys", Cole has the most amazing life.  

     As an advocate for all children, I feel each child is entitled to a Free and APpropriate Education (F.A.P.E.).  I don't know if I am the one who is suppose to educate parents, guardians, care givers, and teachers about F.A.P.E., but I think I am making a difference in this world of education.  Two of my friends, Rachel Chumney and Bonnie Abadie, ran a good, clean race for our school board.  They didn't win the seats they were running for, but because of Rachel and Bonnie, I am a better mom, autism advocate.  These women, along with Lyn Pollard and Alicia Post, are changing the face of education.  As a parent of a child who does have a learning difference and disability, my voice is not going to be silenced.  I believe women can and do get the job done.  We need more women (and men too!) to be our voice.  I believe Rachel and Bonnie deserved to win, simply because they are the face of change for education.  Change is good, when it benefits everyone.  

     We finished Cole's transitional A.R.D. (Admission, Review, and Dismissal) meeting this past Monday.  This meeting usually takes us an hour (maybe an hour and a half), but because of lack of communication this year, I demanded change for Cole.  Cole's A.R.D. lasted over five hours (broken up into two meetings).  Cole had too much change, and because of it, he suffered greatly the first semester.  I am not a silent mom.  I don't just sit back and think "this too will go away if I don't acknowledge the elephant in the room."  Some people shouldn't be parents and some people don't need to be Principals of a school.  I don't have fool written on my forehead.  The best advice I can give ANY PARENT is to document, keep a journal of your child's behavior, keep a record of items that you have sent to any administrator, teacher, or staff via email, by certified letter, or by phone.  I never thought in a million years that I would have to use my Wright's Law Book and my I.D.E.A. manual any year, simply because I thought Cole would always have a safe and productive environment at school.  I am grateful I learned in high school, compliments of Robert Giesler, that I needed to write down everything when it came to bullying.  I was bullied in middle school and high school, but I had a voice.  For children like Cole, they don't have a voice.  

     By now, you know that I have not been pleased or happy with the lack of communication this year at Cole's school, Merriman Park Elementary.  We had the most amazing principal, Laurie Taylor, for four years at MPE.  There are some parents that like this year's Principal, simply because she knows how to play up to them.  For kids and parents like us, we need a Principal who has balls.  We needed a Principal who is there for us, and doesn't hide in their office, simply because they don't know how to delegate or know special education law.  We needed accountability when it comes to bullying.  Every year, I introduce myself to Cole's teachers (especially new teachers), simply because I want them to feel welcome at Merriman Park Elementary.  Each year, I give new teachers and staff members a hand-written note of welcome and include our contact information.  I do this  because I want them to know I care about them and Cole's education.  I love my son and I expect the best from him each and every day.  I expect Cole's teachers, staff, and administration to put his needs above their own, simply because this is what I do for all kids.  I am not going to rant about the lack of communication (regarding the Principal at Merriman Park Elementary) anymore, simply because we are moving on to greener pastures.  I have had more communication in the past month from Forest Meadow Junior High School, simply because they get it.  They are on top of things at Forest Meadow Junior High and I am so grateful Cole will be attending this amazing school for two years.  I am a voice of reason and change.  I expect great things for my son.  I do not tolerate bullying of any kind, and if I witness any bullying, I always try to figure out a way to communicate my feelings to the bully.  I love my son, I love my life, but most of all, I demand the truth.  I am not going to go away, simply because someone doesn't have an answer.  I do my research, I am a bit vocal, but I don't tolerate anyone doing their job half-ass.  I have always asked questions, and if I don't get an answer, I keep asking until I can get an answer.  

     I am a voice of change, reason, and substance.  I will never be silenced, simply because I was not born this way.  I look forward to the summer, simply because this is my time to rest and relax with Cole and my wonderful husband.  We only have 13 days of school left and I am going to relish this time with Cole and his friends, simply because we can't turn back time.  I am so grateful for Archer Fuqua, Ryan and Amy and this amazing family.  Without Archer, I really don't know where we would be today.  Archer, you are Cole's very best friend and always will be.  Thank you for your unconditional love and support you have shown Cole.  You are an amazing kid and Cole is so lucky to call you his "brother from another mother!".  Peace out................