Bullying: Why does it to continue to happen?
Never in a million years did I ever dream my son would be bullied on a daily basis at his current school. I write this post as a wake-up call to all parents, guardians, and caregivers to children and adult children. I am tired of being the "nice guy" and sit idly by while my child is being bullied at school and nothing is being done about it. The one thing I can tell you as a parent, listen to your gut. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN ADVOCATE CHANGE FOR YOUR CHILD! I am heartbroken, mad, and made myself physically sick because of what I found out about my son yesterday. This post is NOT for the faint of heart, so if you fear you can't handle reading this, then you are succumbing to the worst kind of emotion-- complacency. I am writing this post to EDUCATE EVERY PARENT AND CAREGIVER. NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REACTION TO WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR HEAD AND HEART. Now that I have gotten this off of my mind, here is my rant and why I am so mad, no furious!, about what has happened this year at Merriman Park Elementary.
I know in my previous post, I have mentioned we have had wonderful experiences at Cole's school-- now you know he attends Merriman Park Elementary (MPE for short). As a parent and former teacher, I can tell you I have seen many things in education change. I left teaching because of the bullying I was witnessing in my school, not only by students but also by administration. People don't like to stand up to bullies. Dallas I.S.D. has a great way of "taking care" of a problem when there truly is an issue. I was stabbed with a pencil, stapled with my own stapler, had one student masturbate behind my piano, and had a chair thrown at me during my short time as a middle school music teacher. Did I mention all of this happened in two short months? Did I also mention I was taunted, harrassed, and threatened on a daily basis by adult students? During my new teacher orientation in Dallas I.S.D. we were specifically told in one of my workshops that if a kid told us to to go fuck ourselves, take that with a grain of salt. A compliment could have been-- no joke-- "Hey Miss, go fuck yourself. Have a nice day". If they added have a nice day, that was the compliment. I knew Dallas I.S.D. was rough-- I had 68 kids in one class, but I didn't deserve the kind of treatment I received, simply because I was a music teacher. I tried to teach to the best of my abilities, but when you have absolutely no support from your administration-- Principal, Assistant Principal, or Dean of Instruction-- it is impossible to control a classroom that is full of disrespect and hate. I had some really good kids, but for the most part, I hated each and every day I woke up while I was teaching in Dallas I.S.D. I missed my son, I missed my now husband, but most of all, I missed my sanity.
The reason I start off my rant about Dallas I.S.D. is because I witnessed bullying in this school district first. My son doesn't attend a Dallas I.S.D. school because we live in the Richardson I.S.D. school district (even though we reside in Dallas). Again, the reason I am stating these facts is because I have seen an Exemplary School-- full of respect, love, and a very active PTA who love all kids-- go from Exemplary to CRAP. My son is in 6th grade, so this is his last year. I never thought in a million years I would write a blog. I never thought I would get so mad at my son's school and the administration, simply because we loved MPE. Principal Laurie Taylor earned respect, love, and admiration from not only her teachers and staff, but also of the parents. I can't say the same about the Principal we have now. I was made aware last October that Cole was bullied in the boy's bathroom by the Assistant Principal. First, I thought, why is Cole going to the boy's bathroom? This is not in his I.E.P., so legally he was not even supposed to be there in the first place. The second thing I heard came from the Assistant Principal, who I truly believe is telling the truth and is supportive of Cole. "Hello Erika. This is Mrs. Hemme. Do you have a minute to talk?" I then reply, "Sure. What's up?". I am thinking, okay what has Cole done now? Did he throw a pen cap at Gabe or have a behavioral issue that they can't handle? The latter was something I was not expecting and horrified when Mrs. Hemme told me what happened. Cole was in the boy's bathroom, alone, when three boys, who I won't name due to "privacy issues", pulled up his shirt (now I know they didn't pull up his shirt as of today), grabbed his "boobs"-- yes boobs, and felt him up. There I said it. It's now out there. I trusted and confided in a few of my very close friends about what happened and they told their sons to keep an eye out for Cole.
Skip over this incident and it has been five months since this happened. I asked for peer mediation for the three boys, specifically with the P.E. teacher and the 5th grade teacher, who are both men. I was made aware today that neither of these teachers were told they were supposed to have peer mediation with the boys that did this to Cole. I am furious that administration just passes the buck and does nothing about bullying at Cole's school. I had it out with one of the staff workers at MPE in the cafeteria last year, so I don't have lunch on a weekly basis with Cole, like I have done in the past. This makes me sad, but if I am up there, 15 kids want to sit on stage with Cole, simply because they love him. I understand we live in a cynical and cruel world, and to just "deal with it"-- actual words by a general education teacher today, but why? Why does MY COLE have to deal with this nonsense? I have done everything right-- meaning I have kept a paper trail of emails regarding the bullying, certified letters that were sent to 2 people (with no reply), and only one response when it came to missing school for a school related convention, as approved by T.M.E.A.
I am not supposed to write anything about being upset, mad, or letting my emotions get in the way when dealing with Cole's education. People have so much to learn, and I for one, am still learning about life in general. What I don't agree with, and never will, is to let this be. My child was bullied. Could he be the next victim of bullying that it gets so bad, he wants to kill someone? Did I really just say that? My fear is that there is no understanding or compassion for my son when he is an adult. I received a phone call this week from a very sweet woman, Rita, who has an adult son living with Asperger's (a form of autism). She told me her Andy has a story to tell. I am going to let him tell his story through my blog because I am just so hurt, mad, and angry about what is happening to Cole at school that I am afraid I will say something that will bite me in the butt. Cole has his transitional A.R.D. on May 6th, so I may be taking a break from writing until then. He needs a supportive mom, dad, and staff to guide him into middle school. Do I agree to let this die down? No. I can accept that my son was bullied. Do I have to power to change the atmosphere at my son's school with just seven weeks left in the school year? Yes. I love my son, I love his friends, but most of all, I stand up for ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN BULLIED. IT IS UNACCEPTABLE AND NOT TOLERATED IN MY HOUSEHOLD. I apologize for making this sound so harsh, but I hope I have gotten the point across. My son has been bullied since October 2013 and I pray it has finally stopped as of today, Wednesday, April 16, 2014. People need to be aware of other people's feelings. I know I am not supposed to judge, as God is my witness, but the anger and hate that I have for the one kid who has bullied my son all year is not something that I can just turn off. He was a friend of Cole's and we even had him over to our house. He begged us to come over and have a sleepover. I am a good person. I let him come over, but only twice. Something told me to listen to my gut. I did. I hope it wasn't too late. I told three people at Cole's school about the bullying. Only one person has done anything about the bullying- Cole's special education teacher. I commend her for trying to make sure Cole is always safe, but you can't be in multiple places at one time. I thank Cole's special education teacher, the resource teacher, the P.E. teacher and coach, and the music teacher for always making sure Cole is safe at school. He feels safe now because of what we have implemented this past week, due to my advocacy for Cole. I will not, nor apologize, for the Principal's ignorance to what is going on at MPE, nor will I apologize for the ignorance or complacency the counselor has. I like the counselor and I think she is a good person. I just think she has just gotten sucked in by the venom of the Principal. The atmosphere has changed at Merriman Park Elementary, and I for one, plan on making it a safe place for ALL kids, even when Cole is gone. Alice, the crossing guard, is the ONLY PERSON that knows what goes on at school. She prays each and every day for each child that enters MPE. I am beyond blessed to call her my friend. I would name two other people that have always had my back, but I don't want them to get fired. They are great people and they know what I think of them. Good night and tell your kids you love them. You never know what each day brings. Peace out......
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