Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

    Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

     Having a child that has autism, at times, can be very stressful.  Cole can become an entirely different person at a moment's notice without any warning.  This scares me because there is a trigger than goes off in his head and then he starts scripting.  For those of you who aren't familiar with this term, scripting means the person who has autism will imitate what they see or hear on television, the computer, or radio.  Unfortunately, Cole has pulled up some YouTube videos (even after I have put a block on them) that are not pretty.  My sweet young man may revert at a moment's notice and imitate Jesse Ridgeway, aka McJuggernuggets, or Tourette's Guy from YouTube.  For those of you not familiar with these YouTube characters-- yes they are paid to make these videos for YouTube-- they are exhibit destructive behaviors.  Cole is brilliant because he can imitate a voice or commercial that is relevant to life, but when that trigger goes off, he will script either Tourette's Guy or Jesse Ridgeway, which is very scary.  I use different methods to calm him down, such as a countdown and snap my finger to come back to me, but sometimes it may take 20 minutes for him to get back to his "normal" place.  The most scary part about  Cole scripting is he can change into one of these people.  I understand why he does it, but the outside world doesn't understand our banter.  I make it into a game when we are in public after I have disciplined him (talked to him in a calm voice).  The outside world can be scary for anyone, but for those living with autism, coping is a skill that needs to be relevant and enforced at school and at home.  I get scared, at times, when we are out in public and one of his "characters" appears.  We have visited the police station in our neighborhood so they know us.    We are lucky to live in a neighborhood that accepts us, but at times, we still get the stares. 
     Why am I writing about this aspect of Cole's autism?  I have had one of those moments that I feel needs to be expressed, because autism is not going away.  There is no cure for autism.  Autism is a spectrum and syndrome that appears differently in every person that has it.  I doubt in my lifetime, there will be a "cure" for autism.  I am one of the lucky parents who has a child that is very sweet most of the time.  There are many families that may never hear their child speak, and for them, I weep.  Cole was non-verbal for nearly nine years.  I am grateful for music (as it broke his silence), because he can tell me things he needs, wants, and desires.  However, it is also scary when he reverts to Tourette's Guy or Jesse Ridgeway.  I feel overwhelmed at times because parenting is hard.  I do my best as a mom, because that's how I was raised.  I don't give Cole a pass, simply because he has autism.  We have had moments where I have had to walk out of a room because he needs his alone time.  I understand his behavior, but others don't.  I am blessed to have a husband that supports my parenting and encourages Cole to be the best human being he can be.  There are moments when I want to crawl into a corner and cry, but I don't have that luxury when Cole is around.  I have cried once in front of Cole, because I felt it was necessary for him to see me get emotional.  I am a very strong woman, but there are times I do want to be fired.  Cole uses this term, "You're fired", because he thinks it's funny. 
     I never want to be the mom that gives up on her child, simply because of a behavior that may not be conducive to real life.  I know I will never give up on Cole, but there are times I have given up on me.  Being a good parent is hard; being a great parent to a child living with autism is extremely hard.  I know God picked me to be Cole's mom, and I feel I am doing a great job.  However, don't forget the moms and dads raising kids with learning differences because, yes, it does get lonely for us.  I stay busy because it helps me stay connected to the outside world.  I have never given up on Cole because he deserves the best.  Do I expect the best from Cole?  You better believe I expect Cole to do great in school, at church, and home because he has been given tools to succeed in life.  Today's blog post is about understanding what your child needs:  unconditional love.  You may never know how much they need to hear you say "I love you".  Unconditional love is a gift.  Tell people you love them, because you never know what they are going through.  I tell Cole and my sweet husband I love them every day because they are my gifts from God.