Friends
Alright, I am the first to admit that making friends comes easy for me. However, having a kid who has autism puts me into a category of "unknowns". I don't have autism, so why punish me for my quirky ways? Sometimes, there are just people who think I am weird, simply because I act weird. Acting weird and being weird are two different things, in my book. Weird is just a word that simply defines WHO I AM, which is fine by me. However, don't call me stupid simply because I am weird. The reason I am addressing "weird and stupid" together is because of one person who verbally attacked me and my son. You can call me weird, but DON'T CALL ME STUPID.
As mentioned in a previous blog, I touched on my car wreck that I had in 1997. I truly believe this car wreck helped me see who I really was and who my true friends were. I am now 40 and can count on one hand who my true friends are. I don't call my car accident a curse; I simply call it one of life's wake up calls. We live in a cynical world, and the hate and ignorance that accompanies people's behaviors towards a person with autism or a disability simply sucks. I can reflect upon my life and say, "Well done. I did great with what God gave me". I don't think many people can say that they are happy with their lives. I thank God EVERY DAY that I have the life that I have, simply because you never know what each day brings.
Cole has autism and always will. I don't try to "fix" him, simply because he doesn't need to be fixed. I love my son, simply because he loves me. Cole has a lot of friends now, but unfortunately there is still that stigma that accompanies autism. For instance, we have a house full of kids over weekly, but he has never been asked over for a play date by any of his friends. I now realize that Cole is different, but does that make me different too? Cole loves all of his friends, but as I witness life through a microscope, it hurts me to know that Cole has never once been asked over by another friend to just "hang out". Why does this hurt me? Cole doesn't seem to realize he hasn't been asked over to a friend's house that doesn't have autism. There have been only two families that have made gestures to us to let Cole come over (without me) since starting first grade. That being said, those two families are our very best friends. I think the stigma that comes with a disability (autism, cerebral palsy, down syndrome, etc.), is one of just not wanting to learn what makes this person the way they are. Today, as I write this post, my son was invited to a birthday party, but not to sleepover like the other boys. Does this hurt me? I think it could hurt some, but the realization is just this: Cole may never be able to sleepover at anyone's house, just because of my fears. Cole is a great sleeper, but overall, I just don't think I am comfortable with Cole leaving our house and waking up, wondering where he is. As a kid, I know I didn't like sleepovers (my mom would receive a call in the middle of the night that I saw a ghost and she needed to come and get me). I think the fear of leaving my home and waking up not knowing where I was made me think I saw a ghost. As I got older (like fifth grade), I loved sleepovers! That being said, I have always been kind of a homebody. However, it would have been nice to have known my son was welcome to spend the night at just one friend's house without the bias. For that, it does make me sad.
Autism is a something that is a mystery, that I can't even unravel! Cole has progressed so much, but so many challenges are still there. Until we can explain to others that autism is not something that can just be cured over night, there needs to be more tolerance and understanding. I think there could eventually be a cure-- whatever that may be-- for autism, but until that day, I would appreciate tolerance and understanding towards my son. There are so many kids that don't have autism who need love.
I don't mean to rant on in this post, but what I have noticed with so many people is that understanding, compassion, and love is all you need in life. I have seen some pretty messed up kids who have turned their life around, simply because they were given unconditional love. Kids need parents to be there for them-- they don't need a best friend or an absentee parent. I really get put out with parents and caregivers who try to be their child's best friend. I am my son's best friend, but he knows who is boss in our relationship: MOM. Cole can get mad at me all he wants to, but he is the kid and I am the adult. I have witnessed in just this week a lot of disrespect towards me, but also a lot of love. What I just don't seem to understand is why treat me with disrespect when I have done nothing to deserve hate? I love my son-- everyone knows that. However, don't treat me like you treat your parents. Kids are kids. Adults need to act like parents and grow up. Parent your kids-- you will be glad you did. I want Cole to grow up and become a fine, young man like my husband. I don't envision our world full of hate or distrust, simply because you don't parent or show love to your kid. Children don't ask to be born into this world. People make choices to have children (adoption is a GREAT thing!). That being said, if you don't want to love your kid or give them the discipline they need from you, then you shouldn't be a parent. Being a parent is the most rewarding but hardest job I have ever had. I love being Cole's mom. I know God chose me to be his mom. Other parents, wake up before it's too late.
Being a parent and friend is easy for me. I didn't want to end this post with a negative feeling, so tell your kid you love them. Tell your spouse you love them. Your children will love you more when you tell them it's okay to screw up-- but only once. Mess up once-- that's a lesson learned: mess up twice-- that's teaching your kid how to disrespect you as a parent and they can get away with it. I learned from my mistakes, simply because I was smart enough to fear my mom. I love my mom, but as a kid I knew to respect her rules. For that, I am eternally grateful that my parents loved me enough to discipline me.
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