God Gives Us Second, Third, Fourth, and Infinite Chances!

Second Chances:  God's miracles

     I totally believe in miracles and God giving everyone second, third, fourth, and fifth chances in life.  That being said, I know some people don't believe in God, which is okay too.  Personally, I really don't know how people exist without believing in a Higher Power, but that's only my opinion.  I have always felt secure in knowing that I belong to God and that I have always been afforded the amazing right to worship in an environment that is free of bias and hostility.  I know what you are probably thinking:  this woman is a holy-roller and I don't think I want to continue reading this blog, because she is going to stuff her rhetoric and faith on me and try to make me a Christian.  I promise that I will NEVER force anyone to read my blog (okay, maybe only my family to proof errors), but as a practicing Christian in the Methodist church, I really don't know where I would be without God and my faith.

     My husband, who is the most sincere, giving, loving, and amazing person, will attest that I have had some issues when dealing with my past and present life.  We waited five and half years to get married, simply because I was not ready to be married again.  He is, and always will be, my rock, best friend, amazing lover, soul mate and the love of my life.  We met in November 2005, and we waited a year to start dating, because I was going through my divorce from my first husband.  He waited patiently, and he even dated another woman, which kind of threw me when he told me about her!  However, I knew in my heart (and apparently he did too), that over the course of time, I was the one for him.  The reason I am delving into our personal story is because we met at church and I feel God led me to him.  I went through so much with my first relationship, that I made my sweet husband jump through hoops for me, which was so wrong.  He didn't deserve the crap I gave him, but he continued to lift me up and care for me like no other person I had ever had a relationship with.  I dated a couple of guys after my divorce, but eventually we found each other again and our first date was on December 29, 2006.  I really had no idea that five and a half years later, we would be married at the same place we met-- our church.  He gets me and Cole like no other human being, which makes me love him more every day.  Hence, God gives everyone second chances, because I met my husband at church-- is that a coincidence?  I think not.

     Alright, so I am writing about other miracles when it comes to my life and Cole's life.  Listen up:  don't take life for granted, because if you do, you will wake up one morning and realize, "Hey, what just happened?".  I am turning 40 this Friday, and as my mom told me the other day, I am exactly in a place where I need to be-- happy, whole, and incredibly giving to others.  Cole's love of music (which is beyond contagious), is something that has given back to us immensely.  We started the original "Cole Warren and the Jambox Boys" a little over two years ago.  Cole's school has an end-of-the-year talent show, and when Cole was in the third grade, he wanted to sing the song, "Imagine".  I didn't know this until the day of the talent show, so unfortunately, he didn't get to perform.  The following year, the musical "Jersey Boys" became a mainstay in our household, so I told Cole to pick out two songs for the fourth grade talent show.  He picked "Sherry" and "Walk Like a Man", which fit his voice perfectly.  During this time, I was going through turmoil at my school, because I was a middle school choir teacher, who didn't know what in the world I had gotten myself into.  More about that in another blog-- let's just say it was one of things I had to try, but I wasn't given the proper support by administration, because I had 68 kids in one class, without help.  Alright, now back to Cole!  "Cole Warren and Jersey Boys" (we had to change the name to Jambox Boys, due to copyright law), was not an overnight hit with his friends, but they came to love it, simply because they got to hang out with Cole, play football, eat-- ALWAYS have food around for kids (this goes without fail), and then eventually get to practicing.  One boy, Gabe, even told me how much Cole had taught him and that he loved coming over.  Gabe has become Cole's best friend and we are so thankful for him.  Gabe took private piano from me, which opened up a whole new world about private music and teaching.  Gabe is just an amazing kid, but so are all of Cole's friends.  We have had changes to the band, simply because of other commitments, but Gabe is the only original band member (besides Cole), that has stuck with us and we are better because of it!  Tyler is still one of the original band members, but he only joins us when he's not playing sports or doing homework-- Tyler is somewhat of a boy genius and gifted athlete.  Okay, so I could write a book about all of Cole's friends, but because of these boys, Archer, who is Cole's lifelong best friend, and Luke, the band would have never been created and going two years later!  I give thanks to their parents and these sweet, young men.  I feel God gave us music, simply because it opened my eyes and Cole's world to friendship.  

     We were given a diagnosis of autism from Cole's school at age six.  Cole's first pediatrician never believed Cole had autism, so when he was officially diagnosed, we were basically told to "deal with it".  We changed pediatricians twice, and even tried a developmental pediatrician (money not well spent, that is not covered by insurance).  We are beyond blessed to have found a practice full of pediatricians, Forest Lane Pediatrics, that embraces Cole and all of his quirks!  I call Cole's quirks "Cole's little cole-isms", and they get him, simply because they are great doctors.  As I digress about Cole's many doctors, don't confuse this with "as needed", but rather embracing change.  As a first-time mom, I interviewed two pediatricians when picking out one for my Cole.  The first doctor seemed okay, so we went with him because he was a friend of one of my friends.  This doctor was good in the beginning, but after I realized there was something different about Cole, he never really helped us.  The last time we were at his office (we changed doctors when Cole was 8), he blamed Cole for putting play-doh in his ear.  We were there because Cole had a staph infection and it wasn't clearing up.  He told me that Cole would grow out of the staph infection when he hit puberty (mind you, Cole is 8!), but in the meantime, just put him in a bathtub with clorox bleach and that should do the trick.  My mom instincts kicked in and I let him have it.  I told him, have you not treated Cole for 8 years and KNOW THAT HE HAS A FEAR OF BATHING AND HAS BEYOND SENSITIVE SKIN?  I was in shock and disbelief that this pediatrician, who had been practicing since 1986, told me to put Cole in a bathtub full of bleach to treat a staph infection that would go away when he hits puberty.  After that visit, my now husband and I searched for another doctor for Cole, simply because we couldn't believe what we were hearing.  We finally found one that was covered by Cole's insurance and seemed to be a good doctor.  We stayed with this doctor for nearly a year, as he was retiring.  This doctor was a good transition doctor for Cole.  I am so thankful my husband and I stood up for Cole, simply because he needed to get well.  We went through this ordeal from 2010-1011, trying to find the right fit for Cole and for us, simply because we knew this doctor was retiring.  We interviewed two practices and went with Dr. Michelle Kravitz and Forest Lane Pediatrics.  She is wonderful and so are all the doctors at this practice.  

     When choosing the right doctor for your child, make sure to ask three things:  1.  Does this doctor have office hours after hours?  If not, do you have a clinic you refer your patients to on the weekends?  2.  Do you treat children with all disabilities?  (when asking this question, they must say yes, because of law, but you will know when they answer if they are the right fit).  Also, ask if there are any doctors specifically that treat "said disability" in the practice, and  3.  Do you have the proper resources to give parents and guardians when finding the right specialist, as needed, for a child with autism or other disability?  The reason I am telling you this VERY important information is because we have gone through the referral process for a very long time, and have not had much luck in finding the right specialists for Cole, simply because of insurance.  Make sure when checking on specialists, that you ask them specifically if they are covered by general health insurance AND behavioral health.  We have found out that there are two companies that work for us-- general health insurance (i.e. Blue Cross/Blue Shield) and behavioral health (Global United Health/Optum Health Insurance).  Make sure that you check with your insurance company first, because each resource is different.  When dealing with autism, this falls under behavioral health-- not general health.  This took me a long time to understand, but I am thankful for this knowledge, even if it took me eleven years to figure out!  Make sure that when addressing SPECIFIC needs for autism, you ask them who their behavioral insurance carrier is.  This has been a very long road for us, and if someone had given us this valuable information, it would have save us thousands of dollars.  That being said, I still would have spent those thousands of dollars to get Cole to where he is today-- a happy, loving, caring, and conversational individual!  Pat Minter was our saving grace, and has been Cole's private speech therapist since he was 6 years old.  We have not seen "Ms. Pat" since September, as our insurance has changed, but we all miss her.  She is a great friend to us all and we are all better because of Ms. Pat.

     The best resource when finding out, "What can I do to help my child?", is ask around at school.  There are early childhood programs at your public school that can diagnose your child as early as age two.  That being said, I didn't know about this until Cole started kindergarten (hence, Cole didn't go to an early childhood program through his public school, because we didn't know it existed and he didn't go to Day care or Mother's Day Out-- read potty-training, and you'll know why he didn't go to Daycare or Mother's Day Out).  I basically became that helicopter mom when trying to find out how to help Cole, so he attended Park Cities Language and Pathology Center at age 4.  We stayed there until he started kindergarten at White Rock Elementary.  Also, join an Early Childhood PTA (ECPTA).  This was the best thing I did for myself and for Cole.  I made great friends at my North Dallas ECPTA, and they gave me great comfort while parenting Cole as a baby and toddler.  Not every ECPTA is welcoming (I visited two others before joining North Dallas/Preston Hollow ECPTA).  I didn't feel that connection with the other moms at the other ECPTA's, until I joined the North Dallas ECPTA.  That being said, they were the right friends for me and for Cole at that time.  You will find that while parenting, there are friends that you can count on and lean on while your child is a certain age.  I could pick up the phone today, even though it's been nearly 11 years since we have gotten together, and see how Diana is doing.  Having that "mom/parent" bond is necessary for survival at ANY age.  Having a child with autism doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold-- if I had not had my friends, Diana, Lisa, Julie, and Farrah, I would have been a mess.  Taking care of yourself is the best advice I could give anyone, whether your child has autism or not.

     Okay, so this was a long blog post, but I wanted to make sure I addressed everything that has been on my mind!  Happy spring break and I, for one, am so thankful for this spring break.  God DOES give us second, third, fourth, and infinite chances simply because I am here.  I have been through so much with Cole and his needs, that I basically ignored my needs as a mom and wife.  I was not feeling good in January, so I went to the doctor to see why I was having nausea.  As it turns out, I had four ovarian cysts, after nearly two months of not knowing what I had.  I have EXCELLENT DOCTORS and if it wasn't for me changing doctors in 2012, I could have been a basket case.  I have a history of ovarian cysts, and had to have one removed in 2008.  That being said, I was not ready to face menopause or a hysterectomy.  My doctor, Amy Sigman, took great care when diagnosing my cysts.  I did have surgery a week ago to remove the unknown 4 cysts (we both thought it was endometriosis, as they didn't show up on two sonograms).  My recovery has been truly amazing, simply because I did my research before I went in for surgery.  If I had not changed doctors, I would have had to go through the process of having a hysterectomy.  I had to go through a battery of tests, one of them the "cancer blood test", knowing that I was being tested for cancer.  I knew it was probably imminent that I had cancer, simply because my mom had it and her half sister had breast cancer.  I truly believe after being told that one of the cysts looked 90% like cancer, it was my time to face my battle and journey.  Liquid cannabis was my drug choice, so what was I to do while Cole was in school?  

     God knew it wasn't my time to deal with cancer, so I truly believe he touched me and took away the cancerous cysts.  This happened to my grandmother, so why couldn't it happen to me?  I have always believed and trusted in God, simply because I know He has my back.  Peace out and God bless each of you reading this blog.....