Choices
As I sit down at my computer and think about what to call each post, Choices popped into my head today. I realized last week after reading one of my friend's Facebook posts that her son was recently diagnosed with autism at age 3. Her post made me realize that everyone has a story-- we have been living with autism for over six years and I wish Cole had been diagnosed at a younger age, simply because there is so much help out there for people living with autism. I write my blog in bigger font, simply because it helps me see clearly what I am writing. Today's post is about our life in the beginning. I won't name any names, but this post is dedicated to a very sweet family that I have had the privilege of knowing since I was born. The dad and I grew up in the same church, and even though we don't see each other on a weekly basis anymore, this family was a God-send to me growing up. His younger brother and I were the same age and my older brother grew up with this dad, so as I said, we love you guys and I hope this helps you on your journey with autism!
I was frustrated with Cole when he turned 3, simply because this was the time of our life that he had to be potty trained. This "big" issue is something that has always bothered me, even to this day. Day cares and mother's day out programs don't address kids having potty training issues, when accepting a child into their care after age 3. If your child is not potty trained by age 3, they will turn you away. As a parent, I felt like I had failed Cole miserably in this department. What did I do wrong? Do I show him how to pee in his little potty at home or do we take another approach: run naked in the house until the urge hits? I had been told many stories by "seasoned" moms that it takes a little longer with boys, so be patient. I was patient, but school wasn't. We were kicked out of 2 Mother's Day Out programs, simply because I couldn't "teach" Cole how to go potty. If this gets too graphic, skip the next paragraph.
As a mom, I wanted to be the best at everything-- this is what I had grown accustomed to as a child, teenager, and then young adult-- the best. When I failed miserably at training Cole to go pee or poop in the bathroom, I wanted to cry and lock myself in a bathroom for hours. Self doubt bore it's ugly head in my mind and I thought I had failed at motherhood, simply because I couldn't get my son potty-trained.What have I been doing wrong? I have a crappy marriage (divorce during this time didn't help the potty training on my end, for obvious reasons), and I can't even get my son to go poop in a potty. Again, skip ahead if this is too much to read. I tried everything-- a personal DVD player in the bathroom for Cole with his favorite Sesame Street episode, music playing in the background about going to the potty, and then actual underwear-- this was the last straw that made me think and know in my mind something was off with my Cole. I tried books, asked other moms how they got their child to go potty without too much hassle at the age of 3, and I even tried to show Cole-- literally. Now here is the kicker: not once in my mind did I think Cole had autism, simply because he didn't show any symptoms. Looking back, I can see clearly now that this was just one of the things I overlooked when Cole was young. Cole and I lived with my parents during this time, and even my mom was getting frustrated with me and with Cole about the potty-training. If I couldn't get him potty-trained, by God she could do it-- my brother and I turned out fine, so why couldn't she train Cole? Secretly, I thought this was quite funny to see her try and fail at it. Nobody wanted to think something was wrong was Cole, as he was so sweet and loving, but I knew there was something that just didn't match up. Autism is so much more in the public eye now, but ten years ago, it was just becoming known. Looking back during these early years, I wish I could have just accepted Cole for being Cole, and not the beast of "potty-training" that is so focused on the American culture and society we have become today. With time, I believe there will be more studies, day schools, mother's-day-out programs, and hopefully more empathy for young kids and parents when they travel this journey called autism and potty training.
Cole is now a very healthy, twelve year old young man and I imagine you are wondering if he is potty trained! To answer this question: YES!!!!!!! My answer to how did we achieve potty training: Sarah K. She was a God-send and I don't know what we would have done without this saint of a woman! She was one of Cole's very first aides at school and is a very loving and kind person. Her adult brother has autism and Sarah has this amazing gift with all kids-- especially kids with disabilities. Sarah is now a teacher (she was attending the University of North Texas while working) and was certified specifically in special education. Sarah broke through that mental barrier Cole had about going potty. Sarah stayed with Cole at school in the private bathroom, designated specifically for the kids in the developmental classroom, and got him to go number 2 at school for the first time! Cole was eight years old before he would go number 2 in the potty, but do I care? Eight years old was a big year for Cole-- he went poop in a potty, started talking, and began on his personal journey of finding his voice through music.
There is NO WAY I would change my life in any way, simply because it is an amazing life I have. Cole astounds me everyday-- he has learned a number of languages through YouTube (German, Russian, Spanish, and Mandarin Chinese-- I think that's what it's called!), but I couldn't get him potty trained. There are times, I look back and can reminisce about my frustration with Cole and that potty, but overall, we both have come a long way.
The best advice I could give to any parent-- whether your kid has autism or not-- is to be patient with them and be positive. Negativity gets a person nowhere when it comes to life. Cole responds to positive energy, and when Cole is happy, we are all happy! Don't push issues that you think are big with your child. Nurture your kids gifts and talents. You will be surprised and amazed at how awesome your child is, if you just raise them to be loving, kind, patient, and understanding to every human being! This is easier said than done, but with experience, it CAN be accomplished. You will be a better parent, spouse, and adult if you can just chill and enjoy each moment you have with the people you love. Just breathe and let life happen!
Next subject-- the dreaded bath and shower..........
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