Parenting 101: Autism-style
Okay, so for those of you who are just now reading my blog, this is my masterpiece, so to speak. This blog came out of creating an environment full of love for my son, Cole, who happens to have autism. Cole is now twelve years old and is a highly gifted child. I was watching a show last night (sometimes it takes me weeks to watch a show, simply because it's all about Cole most of the time) that focused on the brain. The television show-- it could have been a documentary for all I know!-- was about the life of Dr. Temple Grandin. Temple Grandin is a personal hero of mine; if you don't know who this amazing woman is, google Dr. Temple Grandin. You won't be sorry. She is highly intelligent, but was diagnosed with autism at age 3. Dr. Grandin is now 66, is a professor at Colorado State University, and is also an engineer. Dr. Grandin did not speak until she was nearly 15 years old. Her mom was told by doctors that Temple would just lead a life full of complacency, boredom, and frustration. After watching this show, I realized how much Cole is like Temple. Cole did speak a few words (Shit, Pizza, and Star Wars-- yes I said shit) when he was young, but trying to break through to the other side was so hard for me as a parent. I saw the look in his eyes trying to say something. By age four, I thought, what am I going to do for Cole to help him communicate with me and others? I put my thinking cap on and thought, "how am I going to get others to know what I know about Cole?".
Cole is very smart-- he can work the computer like no other child. By age one (he was one year and one month), Cole started to play with my computer. This child stood on his tippy-toes (a sign of autism that I learned years later), and could find ANYTHING on YouTube. What I didn't connect or realize is that Cole was teaching himself how to read and communicate by computer. The computer was, and still is, his voice. Because of YouTube and the computer, Cole has been able to learn (mimic) behavior patterns on how to act in public, how to speak a different language (he has taught himself Russian, German, a little bit of Spanish-- he says he doesn't need Spanish because Mandarin is so much better), but most of all, this is where he taught himself how to sing. Unfortunately, Cole has picked up a few bad behaviors from YouTube, simply because he knows how to break through security codes I have set. Forget parental controls-- this kid can look at what I am typing, learn what I have typed, then over-ride my parental control on just about everything within one swoop. This leads me to a very funny story, that I have only shared with a few people. Here is your laugh for the day! I hope I don't offend anyone, but if I do, it's only because I have this boy genius who happens to be in special education. One evening, as Cole and I were getting ready for bed, he told me he had gotten in trouble with Mr. Larry-- timeout. Exact words from Cole: "I'm trouble. Mr. Larry timeout today.". Then he started to laugh! This was what was so confusing! Mr. Larry was Cole's fourth grade special education teacher and was one of the great ones. I can only imagine the shock and surprise on Mr. Larry's face, as Cole was surfing the Sesame Street website, and it turned out to be porn! They have computers in Cole's special education classroom set up with certain websites, Sesame Street being one of them. What happened initially is something that just happened-- Cole didn't break through a firewall (although he had twice before). Some pervert loaded porn (it was BAD) onto the Sesame Street website in New York and it was all over the news the next day. What happens next is the funny part (or at least I thought it was funny). Mr. Larry did not know why Cole was making funny sounds, along with one other student who was also surfing the Sesame Street website. They both had on headphones-- a requirement when having the computer on so other students can focus on their work, so all Mr. Larry heard was moaning and "Oh baby. Yeah do it like that." The worst part about the whole thing is that Cole and the other boy got ALL of the kids (even non-verbal kids) to moaning and talking! This story is, by far, my most endearing, funny, sad, and true tale that I could share with anyone. Sorry if it's offensive, but Mr. Larry and the aides were so happy just to hear all the kids moan and talk. That was huge. For obvious reasons, the computer was checked every morning for a year to make sure nobody had added "content" to any of the websites Cole's class was using. This is one for the books and I can still laugh about it, two years later!
As I digress about Cole's unbelievable ability to surf the internet, I put his skills to use when I returned to SMU, Meadows School of the Arts. I had returned to my alma mater and was completing my degree in Music Education (I was a dual degree candidate for music and education through Meadows School of the Arts and Simmons School of Education). I only needed one year to complete my degree, as I had attended SMU from 1995-1999, so I thought, I can do this. I am a single mom who has a child with autism-- how hard could it be to receive my degree from SMU? I had dealt with life. I could do this. I am very smart-- according to my professors, I was very focused and knew what I wanted. I was not your average SMU undergraduate college student-- 35, a single mom, returning to complete what I had worked so hard for. I was in a near-fatal car wreck in 1997 (my senior year at SMU), so I always thought in the back of my mind, that car wreck may have caused me to have a child with autism. I know now that was not the case. Okay, so this is a tangent with words, but long story short, Cole helped me with two projects while I was a student at SMU. I wrote a paper about Cole: writing I.E.P.'s and conducting A.R.D.'s successfully in one of my psychology classes. Did I mention I received A's in both classes that Cole helped me with? I was also being pursued by one of my favorite teachers, Dr. Gail Hartin, to continue my education and get a Master's degree from Simmons School of Education. I knew at the time it wasn't for me, but looking back, I should have continued my education. Who knows, only time will tell if I need a Master's degree. I attribute Dr. Hartin with my love of teaching. She truly inspired me to follow my passion-- write music, teach music, but most of all, enjoy what you are doing. Cole did a power point presentation for me (he set it up for me, as he was already my boy genius) for Dr. Hartin's class, and to this day, I have never told anyone that Cole basically did that project for me. I used my own content, but he set up all of the margins, settings, font, EVERYTHING. What still bothers me is that when I was presenting it to the class (Dr. Hartin asked me to present it to the entire class!), I didn't give full credit to Cole. He truly is amazing and inspires me every day.
The funny thing about autism is how to parent a child who is sweet, loving, smart, but can be annoying at times. When Cole gets in one of his moods, I have learned to back off. My husband tells me to just not bother him. I swear, he is so much smarter than me when it comes to parenting Cole. We have learned so much from each other, that we basically tag-team this thing we call parenting. My husband knows when I am sad or frustrated with Cole, so he does the parenting when I can't. We both try to talk to Cole in a calm manner, but sometimes we can both talk over his head. What I mean by talking over Cole's head is sometimes Cole is angry or mad and doesn't express his feelings with words. He has gotten so much better with time telling us he's angry (mind you, it took a long time, but we are finally there I think). Cole, in general, is a very happy boy! If I could, I would share videos with you through this blog, but I don't know how. I guess that's one for Cole to show you, YouTube style! Cole is a creature of habit-- chore charts, job charts, and flip charts are all a part of our daily lives. If there is something out of order, even if it's reversing the order of his shower, how I help him with his clothes, simple tasks you and I take advantage of, this can put Cole in a bad mood. The charts are wonderful, but at times, it's frustrating for me as a parent to see my child struggle with just one change. You get used to that change and the behavior that comes along with change, but it still is a learning lesson for all of us. I am truly thankful for pictures and charts because it has made our life so much better, but sometimes, we just need a break from life. When life gets too complicated, take a deep breath, relax, and take a day off. I did that recently with Cole (doctor's appointment during school at 10 a.m. and then a day with my favorite kid) can help anyone rejuvenate one's soul. There is nothing like going to North Park, eating at Neiman Marcus with our favorite waitress Dori, then off to see "Frozen" for the second time. Sometimes life just calls for these moments, even if you don't think you need them.
Okay, so today I am 40 years old, the happiest I have ever been in my life, and I am celebrating it with the ones I love! Life couldn't get any better for me. Parenting is the hardest job I have ever had, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. My son IS my life, and if you haven't figured it out by now, he is what keeps me going. Cole and my husband are my inspirations for living life to the fullest. As Auntie Mame once said, "Life is banquet. People are starving to death". I plan on living my life as I always have: with gusto, a little bit of glamour, a lot of humor, but most of all, love. Cheers to turning 40!!!!!!!!!!!!
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