Learning Through Music

Learning Through Music

     I have learned a lot in six months as a substitute teacher in Highland Park ISD, as well as Richardson ISD.  I didn't know I would be hired as a substitute teacher in both of these school districts when I applied for a teaching job.  The realization of teaching in an urban school district, such as Dallas ISD, taught me the value of parental support, as well as administrative support in and out of the classroom.  The school I taught in Dallas did not have a PTA and an extreme lack of support by administration.  I have heard it is slowly changing, but since I no longer work at this school, I just don't know.  Many schools in large districts are not equipped with parental support, not because the parents don't care; many families come to the U.S.A. seeking a better life for themselves and their children.  Families seek refuge from their country because of war and terrorism. I feel I am a better teacher because of my time in Dallas ISD, but I can also say I am a better parent because of my time as a teacher in Dallas ISD.  What I am about to share with you is real.  I only write my blog only to help people.  You can ignore this blog post, if it's too real for you, but this is life.

     I share this information with you because I want to educate parents, teachers, family members, and anyone who will listen because I have learned a lot in my 42 years of living.    What I do know is this:  there are families who do not care if their child/student is passing or failing.  The reason I say this (and I am sure I will hear from some of you) is because they feel burdened by their child's existence.  Teen pregnancy is on the rise, girls mistake love for sex, and boys tell girls they love them, only to satisfy their need.  This cycle will never be broken if we only preach "no sex before marriage".  Kids are having sex and we need to educate them about safe sex.  Why am I bringing this topic up?  The main reason I bring up the topic of teen pregnancy is it relates to our culture:  kids having kids.  I have witnessed teen pregnancy as a friend, but also as a teacher.  What our society is becoming is very scary to me:  we are not educating students in the classroom.  There are students who can't read, do basic math, or comprehend what teachers are trying to teach because they don't have support at home to encourage them to read or do their homework.  Many kids come from broken homes, so I made it a mission to not only embrace my son's friends who come from single parent homes, but I also made sure I educated them about safe sex and the importance of receiving a college education.  I am very proud of my son and his friends because they are actually listening.  You may not agree with my parenting, but we live in a world full of cynicism, hate, and bigotry.  I love my son and his friends, and I feel by showing them what unconditional love is, they receive an education you can't find in any school or book.  That being said, I have always listened to God and His word.  I know we can't preach in school or get the word out about Jesus, but I totally feel if families embraced His love, kids and families would be much better off. 
     My husband and I made a family decision nearly a year ago to cut out cable television and focus on our family with Cole.  I realize now that television is nothing more than wet journalism, full of commercials trying to sell the latest and greatest toy or pill that will make your life better.  I knew when I was pregnant with Cole, we would be watching Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, Electric Company, and Mr. Rogers because that is what I grew up watching.  What I did not know is how we would get sucked into the other popular kid shows such as Mickey Mouse Club, Bear and the Big Blue House, Dora the Explorer, and Spongebob Squarepants.  Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed watching these shows (except Spongebob) with Cole, but they were clouding my mind.  I wanted more for Cole.  I knew early on I wanted to be outside and enjoy nature, so I made it a point to walk nearly every day with him until he started Kindergarten.  I knew by age 3, Cole was different because he wasn't talking like his other friends, but I just chalked that up to television and being around adults.  I later realized I understood Cole and what he wanted by pointing to things, but I also came to the conclusion that I needed to get him help.  Cole would not be diagnosed with autism until the age of 6.
     I started reading to Cole when I was pregnant and we also listened to the classics.  Each time I played Vivaldi's "Four Seasons", Cole would literally dance in my tummy!  I now relish these sweet memories because Cole now loves listening to other types of music, but will occasionally listen to my classical music.  I knew when I had a baby, this child would grow up knowing and listening to the greats:  Beethoven, Mozart, Saint Saens, Bach, Puccini, and the Russian Five.  I am thankful that I had the opportunity as a college student to learn about these composers and their contribution to society.  What I did not know is that I would have a child with a disability.  Cole loves all types of music, but what I did not know is that music would break his silence.  I am blessed because I received an incredible education at Meadows School of the Arts, SMU, and I am able to share my love of music and history with Cole.  However, for families that are not educated, their children may never realize their potential and all they have to offer as a contributing member of society.
     I am not a pessimist, nor a negative person; however, I am a realist.  I believe we need to integrate classical teaching into curriculum in the state of Texas.  This will never happen in my lifetime, but I can make sure my son receives a classical education, even if it's outside of school.  Do you ever consider home-schooling your child?  I wanted to home-school Cole from the time he was five years old, because I wanted to shield him from the realities of our world.  I also realized he needed a lot more help than I was able to give him.  I am now a certified special education teacher because of my son.  I could write a book about our life and the education we both receive on a daily basis, but I feel I am still not ready.
     I know by writing this blog post, I am educating people.  My prayer is that the families who don't know who to turn to for help with their children will read this blog.  Reading, writing, math, and comprehension is something that can be taught at school and home.  Without knowledge, education becomes mute.  Without wisdom, knowledge is lost.  Please read to your children, play classical music, offer help to kids that really need a listening ear, but most of all,  be an advocate for all.

Why I Choose God As My Role Model

Why I Choose God As My Role Model

     I continue to learn about God and why He chose me to be Cole's mom.  I am in utter amazement of my son, simply because he now can tell us what he needs.  Only five short years ago Cole didn't communicate with us what he needed or wanted.  Cole didn't even script, which now makes utter sense to me as a child living with autism.  Autism shows up differently in every single person I have known.  I feel by "labeling" a child or an adult living with autism, you not only limit their thinking, you limit your ability to see what that person is capable of becoming.  Fifteen years ago I had no idea what God had in store for me when I read that little stick that had a positive sign-- I was pregnant.  I still remember to this day knowing I was pregnant, but I hadn't done the test to see if I truly was pregnant.  I felt so many emotions from the moment I saw Dylan, my now 15 year old precocious nephew, and the look on Nanny Comp's face when I told her I was pregnant.  Nanny's reaction:  "Well I thought you were getting a little pudgy.  I can't wait to see what God gives you."  I told her that if we had a boy, he was going to be named Roy-- after her husband and my granddaddy.  The moment we found out Cole was a boy, I knew he was going to be Cole Roy.  Fourteen years later, Cole Roy still amazes me.

     I know this is controversial to talk about, especially when I proclaim Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, but if I didn't have my strong faith to rely on, I don't know where I would be today.  I have some friends that aren't Christians and I don't tell them how to live their life, but I know if I didn't have Christ in my life, I wouldn't grasp the fact how much I am loved and how He has taken care of me during my hardest times.  God loves us, no matter what color we are, who we vote for, or what kind of house we live in.  I am not an ordained minister, but I do know this:  without God in my life or my family's life, I wouldn't have the most amazing life I have today.  God is my strength, my security, my refuge, and my comfort not just when I need Him, but when He helps me see what I need to do to succeed in life personally and professionally.

     I know God personally picked me to be Cole's mom, and I also know he picked my husband to be his dad.  My husband is the most amazing man.  He not only married me, but he took on the role of father and husband the minute we started dating.  People tell me, how did you find such an amazing love?  My answer is this:  I listened to my heart, I made a list with the qualities I was looking for in a spouse and father for Cole, and I forgave my ex-husband for all he had done to me.  Yes, forgiveness is not the easiest thing for me, but I knew in order to find true happiness, I had to search my heart and forgive all who had hurt me, including my ex-husband.  I won't get into my personal story about my prior marriage, but know it was not good.  I am thankful to God every day for helping me get out of that relationship.

     I write this blog to help others.  You are not alone.  God is always with you.  Trust in Him and you won't be alone.  I think what scares me the most about living in the 21st century is knowing that so many people, including those running for the office of the President, don't stand firm in their faith.  I wish we had better choices for our next President and I wish the mud-slinging would stop.  You may not agree with former President George W. Bush's ideas or policies, but I will say this much:  He is a man of God.  I will go on the record and say, YES, I did vote for George W. Bush because he is a Christian.  Again, I don't tell people who to vote for, but I believe our country would be so much better if we had a President who doesn't waiver in their faith.  Stand firm:  don't give in to bullies or terrorists.  George W. Bush didn't back down to them, so why should we settle for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?  Yes, I said settle.  Money talks, but God is watching us.  I will love God with all my heart, because that is what I stand for.  

     Cole loves God and it shows in his actions, words, and behavior.  I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be.  God chose me to be Cole's mom, so I will always strive for perfection.  Cole is the most amazing young man and I am thankful to have God on my side helping us raise a kind, gentle, soul.  I pray God heals our country and gives us a leader that isn't a racist or a liar.  Why should we, as Americans, sit idly by and settle for mediocrity?  We can do better!  Congress, I implore you to stand up for those that work hard.  CEO's of Fortune 500 Companies shouldn't be paid huge salaries.  That being said, hard work should be rewarded.  What happened to America?  Greedy corporate America is what happened.  I don't proclaim to be a Republican or a Democrat.  I vote for the person that has my best interest, and as of right now, I feel I could run this country better than Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.  That is all for now!

What I Have Learned As a Mom and Teacher

      What I Have Learned As a Mom and Teacher

     I enjoy writing about my experience every year at the annual T.M.E.A. convention, but this year I find myself wanting to write about my experience as a substitute teacher in the classroom.  I am always humbled by those who ask me, "why do you do what you do?".  I like to present workshops that are practical and offer insight to teachers that want to know how I teach "those students" who have a disability.  I have seen a shift over the years as an attendee and presenter at T.M.E.A. because many teachers are getting sick of workshops that want to sell the latest and greatest curriculum and/or technology.  This year was different.  I was shocked and impressed by the offerings this year for teachers who don't know how to deal with the student who has a disability.  I had a much larger turnout for my workshop than I was expecting, but after witnessing a standing room only crowd for five of the six workshops addressing students with special needs, I was not surprised.  My amazement turned into a reality:  teachers and some administrators are finally listening to us and see the need to address learning through music for the special needs learner.
     I do not have the nerves of steel like my son.  Cole has no fear when it comes to performing, talking to an audience, or engaging in conversation with a large crowd, so I try follow his lead when speaking.  This year was no different:  I had only ten minutes to get set up, microphone in place, and make sure my Power Point was ready to go with the projector.  I was a nervous wreck, but because of my amazing husband and son, we pulled it off without too many issues!  I feel truly blessed to have these two men in my life because they balance me.  Cole was ready to perform, my husband calmed my nerves, and we were ready to go at 6:30 p.m.  Little did I know my worry would turn into extreme joy when two musicians started us off:  music truly calms me and I am forever grateful for Tony and Frankie Rodriguez and their amazing mom, Erin!
     I learned a lot when I returned to SMU to complete my degree in Music Education, but as a mom to a son living with autism, I learn something new every day.  Music may have broken Cole's silence, but it also gave him a very powerful voice.  I am passionate about creating a universal music class for those who have a disability.  I have witnessed miracles and because of music, specifically "Jersey Boys", my life has been forever changed.  There are many roadblocks when creating a universal music classroom, but I think some people finally understand why we need this.  I want to keep encouraging music teachers, music therapists, principals, and administration in Texas to support this idea.  We have a universal p.e. class, a universal art class, so why can't we have a universal music class?  I know this can be created, but I encourage you to speak with your law makers. 
     What is a universal music class?  A universal music class describes how students from general education join students with disabilities during their modified music class, because learning could be best achieved for those who cannot participate in the general classroom setting. This alternative solution could be a great problem solver for the student and teacher in creating a rewarding learning experience for everyone involved. The universal music classroom should be created with four clearly outlined goals, in order to achieve positive outcomes for the student and the teacher.  Obviously, this would take a lot of planning, timing, and creating on both the special education teacher’s part, as well as the music teacher, because there is no such blueprint in Texas for this sort of class.  My goals and blueprint for this much needed class are:

1. Outline a class that uses musical concepts with music therapy ideas.
2. Explain what inspires you as a music teacher and offer a basic curriculum outline.
3. Outline exactly what a teacher can do to create a curriculum for modified music offerings.
4. Document all resources used and state where teachers can access them.
     
Obviously, I have put a lot of thought into this new idea, but I have seen this done in a self-contained setting.  I love teaching students through music, and if the state of Texas can wrap their brain around this brilliant concept, we are all winners!  Please talk to your administrators, music therapists, and special education teachers about this idea because it is a much needed class for those who are disabled.  Thank you T.M.E.A. for giving me the opportunity to present my workshop, "Reaching the Special Needs Learner Through Music."  Albert Einstein once said, “It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge”.  All students should be afforded the right to experience music, awaken their inner selves, as well as create beauty amongst others who may have a cognitive, physical, or learning disability.

Beauty from the Inside

Beauty From the Inside

     I find myself revisiting a topic many people don't address in today's society:  beauty from the inside out.  I truly find it pathetic that in order to "fit in" or be considered beautiful, many women, young and old, think they must wear the right clothes, have the right purse or bag, and then alter their appearance with botox or plastic surgery.  I haven't taken time off for myself in a long time to just "veg out" in front of the television, but as I turned on the tube this morning while eating breakfast, something scary caught my eye.  I thought I had turned on a repeat of the Halloween show with Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan, because I truly couldn't believe this was the same Kelly I grew up with as a young Haley on "All My Children".  I thought she was wearing a mask, because I kid you not, her face doesn't move.  I may be living in a bubble, but do men and women really find this attractive?  I may receive a lot of comments after this post, but I feel this topic needs to be addressed:  Hollywood, PLEASE stop insisting that women need to look young in order to be in front of a camera.  Let women be women and grow old gracefully, like my grandmother and great aunt did.  

     The emphasis on looking beautiful on the outside really makes me ponder my inner self:  why do women think they need to look like a freak in order to feel good about themselves?  I thought I would be blogging today about my experience at T.M.E.A. and my workshop, but I am truly disturbed by Kelly Ripa's appearance.  Does she think she is beautiful?  My opinion is only one of many, but to my disdain, she has ruined her bubbly appearance by botching her face with too much botox.  I grew up as a secure young girl, not trying to fit in with society because I loved playing sports, getting really dirty at our farm, and not bathing for days because that was what life was about as a child.  Reality hit when I entered middle school:  in order to fit in, you must look a certain way, act a certain way, wear designer clothes, and play the part in order to be "popular".  I tried to fit in, but I just couldn't sacrifice who I was-- the athlete who loved to sing.  I am grateful for the support and unconditional love my family and Coach King gave me.  Middle school and high school was hard for me, simply because I never followed the crowd.  I can only imagine what it is like now, 30 years later, for those students trying to find their way, all because of the pressures of looking beautiful on the outside.

     I will be 42 in less than a month and I think I look great for my age!  I may have days that I am just so tired that I look every bit of 42, but because of my inner self, I am happy.  God gave me a beautiful face, so why would I want to "enhance my features" for the sake of others?  I think what Kelly Ripa has done to her face and body is nothing short of disgusting and an inner feeling of major insecurity, simply because she feels she needs to look the part for television.  My advice is this:  be comfortable in your skin, don't take crap from others, and be happy with your inner self.  Only you can change you.  It has taken me nearly 42 years to embrace the body I currently have.  I am thankful for a very strong faith, an inner peace, and comfort knowing I don't have to look a certain way in order to fit in.  

     I love my life and I wouldn't change a thing about it!  However, for those of you who aren't satisfied with your life, the best advice I can give you is love you for you, don't listen to that inner voice that is telling you negative things, stand up for yourself, and believe with all your heart you are priceless.  I had to go through a lot of counseling just to find out that I am "normal".  Surround yourself with people who have your best interest, realize that your family may not have your best interest, and take time to get to know yourself.  Once I realized I needed to love myself, flaws and all, I was able to marry the man of my dreams and have a life I could have only dreamed about.  God laid out a plan for me, and I truly believe that by following His word, I have the most incredible life now. 

Educating the Whole Child: Special Education is not a Label

Educating the Whole Child:  Special Education is not a Label

     My life as a mom never stops-- even if I am teaching.  I am extremely grateful for wonderful influences, support outside the classroom, as well as friends who get me.  However, this blog post is not about my friends who have children living with autism; this post is about reality and raising a son who has autism.  I know many can relate to this, because you walk the walk every day.  For those of you who don't know what it's like to live with a family member who has a disability or autism, take a walk in our shoes for one day.  I do what I do as a mom, wife, and teacher because my son and husband deserve the best.  I believe God gave me Cole because I couldn't love another human being more (besides my amazing husband, Cole's dad).  

     I feel I need to write this, simply because people are ignorant.  My husband, son, and I moved over Christmas to a very cozy duplex in University Park.  I have had numerous people ask me why we moved.  My answer has been vague and I have said it's because we needed to downsize from our big home-- yes our very big home, because my husband's company sold in April.  This is partly true to an extent, but the main reason we moved is because I wanted the BEST F.A.P.E. (Free and Appropriate Education) for Cole.  We searched and toured private schools last year, because I knew he was going to need more in high school.  I applied as a substitute in Highland Park ISD as well as Richardson ISD and to my surprise, both school districts accepted my application.  I was shocked and impressed with Highland Park ISD so much that I knew this was the right school setting for Cole.  

     Many parents of children living with autism will understand why we moved.  I have two very good friends that have home schooled or moved because they wanted the very best education for their child.  I considered home schooling Cole, as I appreciated the curriculum that was presented to me by the wonderful Carol Reynolds, but I knew Cole needed interaction with others.  I don't want to put in writing how amazing the special education program is in Highland Park ISD, but I feel beyond blessed to have found the right school setting for Cole.  My son is brilliant and he finally has the right curriculum that addresses his autism.  I have cried many nights over the years wondering if he truly was receiving the best education possible.  Early intervention and education about autism is something that should be addressed in ALL pre-schools and pre-school PTA's.  For those of you new to my blog, each school district in the state of Texas has a program called PPCD (Pre-school Programs for Children with Disabilities).  I did not know this until Cole entered Kindergarten.  Cole's first pediatrician didn't know this either, nor did his speech therapist (new to the area).  I feel this information needs to be shouted to the rooftops, because early intervention is a must for any child living with autism.

     I now digress, because we didn't have PPCD until Kindergarten.  Listen to your gut, don't take no for an answer, and realize that if your child is different, it's okay.  I knew in my heart Cole was different, but that didn't mean I didn't love him any less.  I feel as a music educator and now special education teacher, I should have known Cole had autism.  Looking back, I can now clearly say he had autism from birth.  Robert Giesler and I knew there was something different.  We worked together to make a plan for Cole.  What did Cole need and how was he going to receive help at the young age of 3?  Neither of us knew Cole had autism, as he didn't show all the symptoms of a true diagnosis.  Once Cole started Kindergarten, he was finally diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder, PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified).  Looking back to the year 2007 (when Cole started Kindergarten), I would have never known the barriers he was going to break, simply because I could only live day to day and not year to year.  

     Our story is nothing short of a miracle, because we lived outside the box.  Cole has been to New York too many times to count on one hand, has experienced learning in so many different settings, and has been educated outside the classroom on so many occasions that I have lost count.  I don't regret one minute taking trips during the school year, because who can say they got to visit the Smithsonian and learn about outer space, the judicial system while in session, and actually meet Ben Stiller while in New York?  Because of Cole's real life education, he has been able to meet some pretty amazing people, engaged in hands on learning, as well as make friends from all across the U.S.A.  I feel because of the hands-on learning outside the classroom, this is why Cole has flourished in life.  He amazes me every day, and because of music and "Jersey Boys", his silence was broken at the age of 8.  Cole only said three words, pizza, Star Wars, and sh-- (you fill in the blanks) and what shocked me more than anything was that my son found his voice through Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  

     I will be sharing my knowledge, truth about living with autism, and how music broke Cole's silence on Friday, February 12th, to a packed audience in San Antonio, TX.  Why did God pick me as Cole's mom?  I truly believe it is because we really are the same person with a lot of the same tendencies and eccentricities.  We act a lot like each other, we could be twins in looks, and our personality is one in the same-- we don't know a stranger!  Educate the whole child:  don't write off the student who is brilliant, but just hasn't found their voice.  Autism is not something that can be cured, but through intervention, an open mind, and loving heart, it can be manageable. 

Life in the classroom

Life in the Classroom

     I have been overwhelmed with emotion on what to write, simply because I do not want to get in trouble as a substitute teacher violating policy.  I have substituted in many different classes this year, but my joy has been in the classes that encompass teaching students that are trying really hard, but may not grasp a certain concept.  You may read, see, even experience life as a teacher, but until you have actually walked in the shoes of a teacher (or substitute teacher), you do not know what goes on in the classroom.  The truth is ugly.  I have been one of the very lucky ones to be on both sides of the classroom:  that as a former teacher in Dallas I.S.D. and now a substitute in two school districts, that I will not name.  I think the scariest part of teaching is two-fold:  there are students that are smart, but make incredibly bad choices to disrupt their peers to get attention.  This bothers me, but what is the scariest part about school is that our children are not learning the way we did as students.  Many students are left behind to follow along and barely get by, and many of these students, unfortunately do not know how to read.  I have come to the conclusion that no matter how many students may be pulled for extra help, Saturday school, or one on one tutoring outside of class, they may never learn how to read.  How in the world is this happening?  I am laying out the truth and it is a VERY UGLY TRUTH:  the STAAR has become our only measuring tool to "assess" students in the main stream classroom.  I am TERRIFIED to think other countries are educating their youth to think for themselves, only after they are taught responsibility at home, respect for their teachers and peers, without fear or bias of retribution of any type of bullying.

     I have seen with my own eyes to know where the great U.S.A. is headed if we as a nation do not take a step towards the future of our children, grandchildren, and those who don't have a voice.  My son is incredibly smart and is a fabulous reader because I made sure I read every night to him, even when I was pregnant.  This epidemic, and yes it is an epidemic, of students having no respect for teachers, staff, and administration MUST start at home.  Single parents, I know it is hard to parent without a mate because I have done this.  However, if you do not take the time to listen to your child, they will become a statistic.  We do not need jails or prisons filled with students who can do better, if equipped with support at home.  Teachers are giving themselves to their students, for what?  If we don't have support from parents, guardians, siblings, a family member, or friend that influences your child, then what are we left with?  Teachers can only do so much, and they go above and beyond what is expected of them.  Sure there are a few clock punchers, but for every teacher I have witnessed, seen, or come in contact with, they pour their lives into their teaching.  Teachers take home papers to be graded while neglecting their children, because teaching is not an 8 a.m.-- 3 p.m. job.  Teachers come early in the morning for breakfast duty.  Many principals are on duty early in the morning as well as night attending any, and every sporting event, PTA meeting or staff meeting with their boss.  I have been one of the lucky ones to see what a great school is and what isn't.  

     Parents, guardians, grandparents, and family members, I am begging you to PLEASE listen to your children.  They need you.  Stand up to the STAAR, read to your child(ren), take back our right to educate our children, because if we can start a movement to educate the whole student, we will be the winners!  Texas is ranked 48th out of 50 states for educating the future of tomorrow.  We CAN'T be bullied into thinking reading should be second (or even third) behind testing.  Parents take a stand!  We need to instill positive self-worth, self-esteem, and empowerment in our kids.  They don't need to be bawling their eyes out because they have to take another test.  Give them the gift of reading, understanding, and compassion.  Without reading, acquiring knowledge is mute.  I say this not only as a parent, but as a teacher trying to reach each and every student's life I come in contact with.  Do NOT succumb to dumbing down the standards such as comprehension, reading, and basic math skills, because our kids need more.  I am a better student, mom, teacher, and wife because I received a stellar education from Dallas I.S.D. over twenty years ago.  Testing was becoming an issue after I graduated in 1992 from the great Woodrow Wilson High School, but I never knew how it would impact me as a teacher.  TAKE BACK LEARNING!  REFUSE THE STAAR AND PEARSON.  What do we have to lose?  Everything if we don't listen to our kids.

Summer Days: My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

Summer Days:  My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

      Living with a teenager, I know, can be quite challenging for most parents, but try adding to the mix autism plus teen angst.  Cole is nearly six feet tall, 13 years old, and has autism.  I am being blunt by making this statement because if you haven't lived with autism on a daily basis, you probably don't have a clue as to what goes on in a family's life.  The task of raising a child in today's world really baffles me at times, because all I see these days (including parents) are kids on their phones, tablets, or any technology device.  I see our world turning into a technology must-have, go-to gimmic, and it makes me really sad.  I have been trying to teach Cole to talk to others, engage in conversation face to face and by calling, as this is something that is very important for him to do, as well as his friends.  I was surprised just yesterday by his statement that he didn't like to text.  I get that and this statement makes me beyond happy!  However, when others only connect via text, SnapChat, Instagram, or kik (all of these are technology apps), it becomes hard to connect to the real world through actual conversation.    It took Cole 8 years to finally talk, so the last thing I want to do is stifle his ability to chat with me, his dad, his grandparents, or his friends.  He loves his friends, but it is becoming increasingly harder to connect with them because they don't talk on the phone.  Now don't get me wrong, Cole doesn't like to talk much on the phone (only to a certain few), but it's better than no communication at all.  

     I have become his go-to technology helper (send Instagram messages or texts for him), which allows me to see what goes on in his friend's lives.  This is good and not so good.  I have seen more than my fair share of broken hearts, posts that say how ugly one looks, how pretty you are, cyber-bullying, and sex-themed messages that are just disgusting.  Most of this, I blame, is because of social media and the need for instant gratification.  I am sickened by some things that I have seen on the internet, but I am also happy to see so many of Cole's friends going on trips with their families, as well as mission trips.  This makes me hopeful that kids still want to do good, for the benefit of others.  I am hopeful that in the future people will put down their electronic devices and engage with each other (this includes adults too), because if not, the lost art of conversation has become null.  I don't know what I would have done without human contact during my teen years.  I know I wouldn't have the friendships I have today, much less understand why my mom was sick (she had level 3 breast cancer).  Having that bond with just one friend is extremely important during this crucial, formative time for any teenager.  I was beyond blessed to have had so many friends when I was 13 years old, and so is Cole.  I just wish Cole's friends would talk on the phone because this is so important.  

     Okay, so now I have ranted about technology and how I despise it, but I feel that it has also given Cole a voice.  Cole loves his friends, especially when they come over and hang out!  However, without the benefit of texting and Instagram, he wouldn't have been able to reach out to his friends during the summer.  We have a set schedule every single day and our house looks like a school because of our white boards that line our walls with chores, daily, and weekly schedules.  We both have come so far with this much needed tool (white boards), but I am exhausted every night because of the work I do to make sure Cole is becoming independent.  A small thing like a shower, putting dishes in the sink, or making his daily fruit salad is a big accomplishment for Cole.  I want Cole to be independent and take care of himself.  We never know what the next day brings, so if I can help Cole realize the importance of his daily chores now, it will instill in him a hard work ethic at home and in the working world as an adult.  I love my son and I wouldn't change him, but trying to manage a household, have a happy marriage, plus balance my adult life becomes overwhelming at times.  When I say this, it's not to downplay families who have "normal" children, those who don't have a disability, but it's to give you insight on what goes on in our life.  I have many friends who have children on the spectrum (autism), and I am encouraged by how they raise their children.  My husband and my parents are my support system, and I don't know what I would do without them.  However, my friends who have children or family members living with autism understand what I go through on a daily basis.  

     What makes me beyond sad are the family members and friends that don't understand what autism is and how you can't beat someone into submission.  Yes I said that, because there still is a mentality that if you just beat your kid to make them stop having a meltdown or temper tantrum, it works.  For these ignorant people, I say you need to mind your own business and try to understand that autism isn't "beaten" out of a person.  Our children are not spoiled, and they sure don't need to be whipped, spanked, or beaten.  Our families need love, support, but most of all understanding.  There is no cure for autism.  I pray for the day that ignorant people can show some compassion for anyone who has a disability, but especially for those who are family members.  I read just this week on one of my very good friend's Facebook page that just described this scenario.  I am beyond lucky to know this mom because she got on her soapbox and let her family member have it.  I would do the same thing.  I love this family beyond belief and it is just dumb-founding that ANYONE would treat them this way.  This mom was my go-to when I first started teaching and her husband kept me safe on a daily basis.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers, and as I say again, for those who are THIS IGNORANT, either MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS OR GET A LIFE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE BASHING FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE AUTISM.  I can't deal with ignorance, laziness, or complacency because I have seen the fruits of my labor:  hard work pays off.  My son may have autism, but there is no way I am not going to let him not be a member who contributes to society.

     I know this was a long blog, but I had to get this word out there.  Love your kids, patrol ALL their technology and apps, and make sure you engage in conversation by phone or face.  Two days ago a really nice woman, age 48, was killed because she wasn't paying attention when she was walking across the street.  The cause of death:  she was texting while walking.  Get off your phones and tablets and interact with each other.  Be safe, kind, and love one another because we only have one life.  I love you all and know if I don't text or email you back, it's not because I am ignoring you (or Cole), it's because I am truly busy.  God bless you all and enjoy these last few weeks of summer before school starts.