Summer Days: My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

Summer Days:  My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

      Living with a teenager, I know, can be quite challenging for most parents, but try adding to the mix autism plus teen angst.  Cole is nearly six feet tall, 13 years old, and has autism.  I am being blunt by making this statement because if you haven't lived with autism on a daily basis, you probably don't have a clue as to what goes on in a family's life.  The task of raising a child in today's world really baffles me at times, because all I see these days (including parents) are kids on their phones, tablets, or any technology device.  I see our world turning into a technology must-have, go-to gimmic, and it makes me really sad.  I have been trying to teach Cole to talk to others, engage in conversation face to face and by calling, as this is something that is very important for him to do, as well as his friends.  I was surprised just yesterday by his statement that he didn't like to text.  I get that and this statement makes me beyond happy!  However, when others only connect via text, SnapChat, Instagram, or kik (all of these are technology apps), it becomes hard to connect to the real world through actual conversation.    It took Cole 8 years to finally talk, so the last thing I want to do is stifle his ability to chat with me, his dad, his grandparents, or his friends.  He loves his friends, but it is becoming increasingly harder to connect with them because they don't talk on the phone.  Now don't get me wrong, Cole doesn't like to talk much on the phone (only to a certain few), but it's better than no communication at all.  

     I have become his go-to technology helper (send Instagram messages or texts for him), which allows me to see what goes on in his friend's lives.  This is good and not so good.  I have seen more than my fair share of broken hearts, posts that say how ugly one looks, how pretty you are, cyber-bullying, and sex-themed messages that are just disgusting.  Most of this, I blame, is because of social media and the need for instant gratification.  I am sickened by some things that I have seen on the internet, but I am also happy to see so many of Cole's friends going on trips with their families, as well as mission trips.  This makes me hopeful that kids still want to do good, for the benefit of others.  I am hopeful that in the future people will put down their electronic devices and engage with each other (this includes adults too), because if not, the lost art of conversation has become null.  I don't know what I would have done without human contact during my teen years.  I know I wouldn't have the friendships I have today, much less understand why my mom was sick (she had level 3 breast cancer).  Having that bond with just one friend is extremely important during this crucial, formative time for any teenager.  I was beyond blessed to have had so many friends when I was 13 years old, and so is Cole.  I just wish Cole's friends would talk on the phone because this is so important.  

     Okay, so now I have ranted about technology and how I despise it, but I feel that it has also given Cole a voice.  Cole loves his friends, especially when they come over and hang out!  However, without the benefit of texting and Instagram, he wouldn't have been able to reach out to his friends during the summer.  We have a set schedule every single day and our house looks like a school because of our white boards that line our walls with chores, daily, and weekly schedules.  We both have come so far with this much needed tool (white boards), but I am exhausted every night because of the work I do to make sure Cole is becoming independent.  A small thing like a shower, putting dishes in the sink, or making his daily fruit salad is a big accomplishment for Cole.  I want Cole to be independent and take care of himself.  We never know what the next day brings, so if I can help Cole realize the importance of his daily chores now, it will instill in him a hard work ethic at home and in the working world as an adult.  I love my son and I wouldn't change him, but trying to manage a household, have a happy marriage, plus balance my adult life becomes overwhelming at times.  When I say this, it's not to downplay families who have "normal" children, those who don't have a disability, but it's to give you insight on what goes on in our life.  I have many friends who have children on the spectrum (autism), and I am encouraged by how they raise their children.  My husband and my parents are my support system, and I don't know what I would do without them.  However, my friends who have children or family members living with autism understand what I go through on a daily basis.  

     What makes me beyond sad are the family members and friends that don't understand what autism is and how you can't beat someone into submission.  Yes I said that, because there still is a mentality that if you just beat your kid to make them stop having a meltdown or temper tantrum, it works.  For these ignorant people, I say you need to mind your own business and try to understand that autism isn't "beaten" out of a person.  Our children are not spoiled, and they sure don't need to be whipped, spanked, or beaten.  Our families need love, support, but most of all understanding.  There is no cure for autism.  I pray for the day that ignorant people can show some compassion for anyone who has a disability, but especially for those who are family members.  I read just this week on one of my very good friend's Facebook page that just described this scenario.  I am beyond lucky to know this mom because she got on her soapbox and let her family member have it.  I would do the same thing.  I love this family beyond belief and it is just dumb-founding that ANYONE would treat them this way.  This mom was my go-to when I first started teaching and her husband kept me safe on a daily basis.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers, and as I say again, for those who are THIS IGNORANT, either MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS OR GET A LIFE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE BASHING FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE AUTISM.  I can't deal with ignorance, laziness, or complacency because I have seen the fruits of my labor:  hard work pays off.  My son may have autism, but there is no way I am not going to let him not be a member who contributes to society.

     I know this was a long blog, but I had to get this word out there.  Love your kids, patrol ALL their technology and apps, and make sure you engage in conversation by phone or face.  Two days ago a really nice woman, age 48, was killed because she wasn't paying attention when she was walking across the street.  The cause of death:  she was texting while walking.  Get off your phones and tablets and interact with each other.  Be safe, kind, and love one another because we only have one life.  I love you all and know if I don't text or email you back, it's not because I am ignoring you (or Cole), it's because I am truly busy.  God bless you all and enjoy these last few weeks of summer before school starts.