Reflections: Our life the past year

     I finally created my own business, Erika Warren, The Special Needs Advocate!  I totally forgot about this blog I started nearly five years ago.  My sweet husband reminded me about my personal blog because he said I needed to include it on my website.  The irony about this blog is that I started it when I was really mad and upset over the treatment my son was receiving at his elementary school in 6th grade.  Our son, Cole, was bullied and sexually abused in a classroom setting, and I didn't know the full extent of the abuse until he was in the 8th grade.  Cole had a lot of friends, but they weren't in his self-contained classroom or resource classroom when the abuse happened.  I would have never known about this abuse if the assistant principal hadn't called me that October (2013).  You are probably wondering why I am bringing this up five years later, but it is cathartic and a huge relief to see the progress our son, Cole, has made since 6th grade.  Cole is now a junior in high school and is thriving in his new school district since we moved here in 8th grade.  
     My good friend, Breggett Rideau, introduced to the Texas Legislature cameras in the classroom.  This law was finally passed in 2015 and it goes into detail if a child receives more than 50% of their instruction in a special education setting, a camera can be put into your child's classroom.  I feel if there had been cameras in the classroom where our son was abused back in 2013, I could have understood the extent of what actually happened to him.  Our son could not tell us what happened, due to having autism and a speech impairment.  What angered me is that a teacher reached out to me nearly two years later and told me exactly what happened after she left the school district. The reason she waited is that she didn't want to lose her job.  Why are schools making teachers feel like they have no choice to report the actual abuse of what happened?  I know if it was my job, I would protect my students to best extent possible.  Teachers are leaving this profession because it's no longer about the students:  it's about all of the meetings, disregarding student's needs in the classroom even if they need an IEP due to denial of services by the school district, as well as meeting unrealistic standards laid out by TEA (Texas Education Agency).  When our students are failing reading and math because they can't read in the 7th grade, something is terribly wrong with our education system.  
     I feel the best way to combat bullying, abuse, and targeting students through data collection, we must stand up for our children.  I have a number of friends who are like me:  they are tired of seeing students learn through computers, assessments being taken to assess their mental stamina or "brightness", as well as their school district passing a T.R.E. to home owners so this money can be allocated to "pay more" to teachers.  This is utter nonsense that a T.R.E. (tax ratification election) passed in Richardson ISD because the money was already there.  The school board and it's supporters do not know how to allocate the money from their budget to help teachers and students because they are spending it on trips to learn more from TASB (Texas Association of School Boards), as well as multiple computer programs to "teach" our students.  We no longer live in Richardson ISD and I am grateful we left when we did.  However, the money that is being captured in our current school district is not being re-distributed properly to poor school districts.  Why is it that one school district should be penalized for having too much money?  The unfortunate reality is that things will not change until the tax payer speaks up and demands change.  I hope and pray there comes a day when all school districts are receiving the proper support they need to help educate our students, but until lobbyists and political action committees are disbanded, our children will suffer.
     Our son is receiving a great education and we are very happy about it.  However, there are so many school districts that are still failing their students.  I just helped a family acquire an IEP for their son so he could receive bus service and the proper accommodations and supports through a BIP (Behavior Intervention Plan).  The harsh reality about our public education system is that no matter how much we educate ourselves to help our children, there is no "one size fits all" school or teacher that can educate those who have a disability.  When a child is diagnosed medically with having a disability and they clearly exhibit a pattern of not being able to learn, an IEP needs to be put into place.  Families are still fighting for Full and Individual Evaluations (FIE) and sometimes they are not accurate.  I started this business to help families fight for their child's Free and Appropriate Education (FAPE), because if we don't educate our children now, they will become an adult who could possibly end up in prison.  
     Please feel free to reach out to me through my website if you need an advocate who knows how to help your child in the public education setting.  Students are failing because their school is failing them.  Teachers are tired and are walking out in droves because it is a very hard job.  My website:  www.thespecialneedsadvocate.com has a form you can fill out to contact me.  I do not charge for the first hour because I want you to understand that I am fully invested in your child.  Happy New Year and I will see you in 2019!

A New Year

A New Year

     

     New Year's Eve is five short days away and I can honestly say I am ready for a new year.  This year has been filled with unexpected bumps in the road, but God truly provides even in the darkest times.  I never thought in a million years we would have so much illness hit our family, but I am grateful for the insight and help we have received this year.  I have always been a strong woman, but as I write this, I am sad I am not with my family.  Cole came down with the flu four days before Christmas and we didn't want to get anyone sick, so Cole stayed home with my husband on Christmas Eve.  We have tag-teamed staying home with Cole, so I had Christmas day duty, which meant Cole and I got to hang out, enjoy watching movies Santa brought him, and eating candy.  I am thankful Cole is now feeling better, but when your baby is sick, everything stops.

     Christmas has always been a stressful time for me because no matter how much I love the meaning of Christmas (Jesus' birth), people always make it about the presents.  Why should we have to gift family members when there are so many people that don't even have a roof over their head?  I have always been taught that Christmas is about giving back to those less fortunate.  I have a friend that totally gets this concept of giving back, so I wanted to donate to her non-profit organization, Operation Rubber Duck.  My friend, Stephanie, and her daughter gave toys to so many kids the past three days through her non-profit organization because she knows what it's like to grow up poor.  She is an amazing lady and is an incredible example for her daughter.  

     I know many people think giving back to those less fortunate just isn't cool, but let me tell you something:  at the end of the day, who do you answer to?  God has given me so much and for that, I am so grateful.  However, I have witnessed with my own eyes those who have so much refuse to give back to those less fortunate.  I have always had a soft heart for those less fortunate, so it is only natural to make a donation to a local women's shelter for those leaving an abusive situation for me.  I look forward to the day when we live in a world free of abuse and a life full of peace.  I give thanks for having such a strong faith, because without it, I seriously don't know where I would be in this life.

     As I take time to reflect on this past year, I am thankful for happy times with my family, but I am ready for this year to be over.  My son, Cole, keeps asking me, "Are you ready for 2018, mom?".  New Year's Eve is his very favorite holiday, so I know I will be ready when that ball drops at 11:59 pm in New York.  May you find joy in the small victories and take time to say I love you to those who mean the most to you.  I am grateful to see 2017 through, and relieved it's almost over.  May 2018 be a better year for everyone!

Second Chances

Second Chances

     Have you ever regretted not following your heart and listening to your inner voice?  There are brief moments in my life that I look back on with fond memories and wished I had not said no.  One of those moments was an invitation to sing in Italy (Amalfi Coast) when I was 23 years old.  I turned this opportunity down because I didn't want to leave my family.  I will be 43 in March and a lot has changed in 20 years since this invitation was extended to me.  Do I have regrets turning this amazing opportunity down?  I regret not saying yes to this opportunity, but I also know in my heart I was not ready.  I feel now I am in my singing prime and can hear my inner voice speaking to me, "keep singing".  The main reason I have not sung professionally in many years is because I thought being Cole's mom came first, singing second.  Family has, and always will be, my number one priority.  Many people have asked me why I no longer sing professionally and my answer always has been family comes first.  I have never had regrets about putting my family first, because they are my life.  Music has, and always will be, a major part of my life, but it doesn't take care of you physical or mental well being.

     My mom was 43 years old when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  I won't lie; it was tough seeing her go through the fight of her life.  Chemotherapy was a bitch.  I remember waking up on a daily basis for two years to make sure she was still alive.  I lived at home until I was 24 years old because I had no desire to leave.  I could have lived in a dorm while a student at SMU, but I always came home because it was safe.  I loved my time as a student at Meadows School of the Arts, as it became my second family, but I also was a creature of habit.  I loved my home and I never wanted to leave the security of it.  Looking back, I am glad I didn't live in a dorm or an apartment because I needed to pass my classes!  A lot of my friends didn't graduate because they partied too hard.  I always give thanks to God for allowing me to attend SMU and have the comforts of home to study.  I would have never been able to pass music history (all 6 classes) if I hadn't had a quiet room and a stress-free study zone!
     I am going to be 43 years old in March 2017.  Why does this bother me?  I feel turning 43 is significant because this is the age my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  I go to the doctor and have had mammograms since I was 33, but it still doesn't take away the worry.  I plan on partying like a rock star this year because you never know when it's your time to go.  You only get once chance at life.  I pray each and every day I live to see 100.  I pray for my husband each and every day he lives to see 105 (he's five years older than me).  I pray I continue to lead a life full of happiness, joy, and excitement!  Happy new year and have a wonderful 2017!

Gratefulness

Gratefulness

     I normally do not rant about people who are jerks, but this is my story and I am sticking to it.  How can we live in a world that gives us so much and not be grateful?  Have you ever walked in the shoes of a blind man, been homeless, hungry, or worry about being raped in a shelter?  I have never experienced any of these things, so I am always grateful to God for giving me a life full of hope, promise, understanding, and unconditional love.  I do, however, wonder about those that have experienced homelessness due an abusive situation.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I was able to get out of an abusive relationship and find God when I needed Him the most.  This is not a public service announcement, but more of a plea.  Please wake up, realize how good you have it, and thank God each and every day for Him giving us Jesus to take away the sins of the world.

     I rarely write about my past because I have never felt the urge to.  That being said, I found myself feeling sorry for myself the other day because Cole is an only child.  I always thought I would have 3 children, but I also knew I wouldn't have 3 children with my first husband.  Everyone has a story, so mine is one that needs to be told.  I was 20 year old college student when I met my first husband.  At first, he seemed wonderful.  He brought me roses, candy, took me out to nice places, and told me he loved me.  Once I was convinced he was the one, I said yes to his marriage proposal.  Little did anyone know after only two months of dating, the abuse started.  We dated for nearly four years before I said "I do".  I rarely put this out there, but I feel my story needs to be told.  I was mentally and physically abused, but I didn't know how to tell anyone because I thought it was love.  I was a senior in college when my life came to a halt, due the car wreck I had mentioned in an earlier blog post.

     Men and women, NEVER THINK IT'S OKAY TO HIDE THE ABUSE.  I had fooled myself into thinking I could handle it on my own.  I am extremely grateful for all that I have.  I may look like I have everything, but I truly had to find the courage to leave an abusive relationship and start again.  Yes, I had an amazing lawyer, but money does not buy happiness.  I only had my faith in the Lord to rely on during this horrendous time in my life because without Him, I knew I couldn't exist.  I have always loved God, but there are at times when I have strayed from His word.  You never know what someone else is going through, even if they appear to be happy.  I am alive and free because of the strength I found in Him.  I had an amazing support group of friends, but I also was blessed to have found a church home at Highland Park United Methodist Church.  They took me in and gave me my wings to fly.  David Davidson saw in me what I didn't:  the ability to sing for God, to witness God's word through music, as well as an unshakable faith.  I knew when I joined Highland Park UMC, I had found my home.

     I am grateful for David Carlock.  He is the one that invited me to his church, Highland Park UMC.  I am grateful for the Reverend Terry Jones, for he is the one that introduced me to my amazing husband, and married us at HPUMC!  I am eternally grateful for God giving me a chance at life again because I truly feel I am in the prime of my life, thanks to my belief in the written word.

God is Good All the Time!

God is Good All the Time!

     I am sure by now you know that I am Christian and I love God.  I am not ashamed to call out to Him and reach out to those who I know will pray for me.  Without my faith in the Lord, I don't know how I could have gotten through these past two weeks.  Our son, Cole, has been quite the trooper and had to have surgery, without truly understanding why he was in the hospital.  My husband and I have gone through so many emotions this past week, but because of our strength and trust in God, we have been surrounded by so many blessings.  You may ask yourself at times, "Why God?  Why did this happen to me?" and that would be totally normal.  However, instead of asking why, replace it with thank you.  I asked God for so many prayers and blessings this week, that I knew when our Cole went into surgery he was going to be better than ever, but that didn't take the worry away.  I followed up with, "Thank you God for chasing me down and returning 100% health back to Cole".  My mom instinct was kicked into high gear on Tuesday, November 8th, because that is when our Cole lost his coloring and was violently ill.

     I think I have told many parents and families do not check your brain at the door when your child is sick.  I feel I should have listened even more to that maternal instinct when we first took Cole to the ER on November 8th. My husband and I both questioned the doctor and asked him if he thought Cole was having an appendicitis.  Little did I know that we would be sent home with some medicine and watch our son throw up for 12 hours straight.  I knew it was more than a stomach bug, but I too came down with this awful illness, so I checked my brain at the door the next day.  However, by Thursday evening, we knew Cole was not getting better, so we took him back to the after-hours care facility and they just sent us home with Z-Pak and a note to return to school on Monday, November 14th.  My husband and I are still filled with guilt, as we took Cole to the doctor twice before being admitted to the Children's ER at Medical City.  Within 6 hours of being seen by his amazing pediatrician on Monday, November 14th, Cole was undergoing surgery and was going to be released from his constant pain.  Do I feel guilty for not asking more questions when we were at the ER on Tuesday, November 8th?  Yes.  However, because of my faith in God, we were surrounded by angels the day of Cole's surgery and still are.  Cole is a gift from God.  He has changed so many people's lives because he loves unconditionally.  Many of his friends called us, texted us, stopped in to say hello, and brought us food.  I knew in my heart my son was going to live to see his 15th birthday on November 28th because how could God take away so much joy from so many people on this Earth?  Truly, Cole has this amazing gift of looking people in the eye, asking them their name, and then follow it up with, "How old are you?"  How could you not love someone like this?

     I have been incredibly blessed by our church family at Highland Park United Methodist Church, as well as our family at Highland Park High School.  I am overwhelmed by the generosity, kindness, and care our friends have given us these past two weeks.  I am in awe of our son, Cole, because he absolutely hates needles and shots.  We were able to walk Cole through what was going to happen next because of the amazing staff at Medical City Children's Hospital in Dallas.  I am not a nurse, so I applaud those in this field.  I have never been cut out to be a nurse or a doctor (no pun intended) because of my fear of blood and needles, but because of my son, I have been able to take care of him like a nurse.  Sure, I have wanted to throw up a few times after seeing his stitches and other things, but God chose me to be Cole's mom.  

     The reason I am writing this blog post today is because it is cathartic for me.  I am healed mentally because of my strength in God, but I am also spiritually alive because of His love for me and my family.  I never knew the strength I could muster when it came to being strong for my family, but I truly believe because of God's amazing grace, I have a clear mind and healed heart.  I thank my parents, my nanny Comp. and granddaddy for giving me the tools to succeed as a Christian, mom, and wife.  My family gave me an incredible education in life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.  My family also gave me a firm foundation built on God's word and His love for us.  You do not have to live in fear because of how our world has become.  Become a steward of faith, plant your feet firmly in the ground, and declare God's word.  The only way I can live life each and every day, even when it's full of chaos and heartache, is because of my love for God.  Everyone, have a blessed Thanksgiving!  I know we will.

Educating the Whole Family

     Educating the Whole Family

     I am saddened, disturbed, and confused about this election. How can we make America great again, in terms of receiving a world-class education? Do you see what I just did? I wrote a statement about education, but then spun it so you would see my point of view. As an American, I voted the second day of early voting, and I am so glad I did! I am not pleased with either candidate for the Republican or Democratic ticket, but I voted with my heart, insight, and how our next President and Congress will enact a better workforce for teachers and provide a world-class setting and curriculum for students. Do not ask me who I voted for through social media, because I won't tell you. I truly believe our country is great, but we must realize in order to have peace and serenity in the classroom, we first must educate parents.
     I have been in a behavioral classroom setting for over a week and it is maddening to think a magnet school can have a behavioral program. I would say 95% of the students at this school want to learn and be educated. My job was not an easy one, but I am so glad I had the option to leave before I was stabbed or punched in the face. I truly feared for my life yesterday because of the situation I was put in. Many parents, grandparents, and guardians of kids who receive special education services have written off their child. Shocking, I know, but it's a reality. The disgust I have for the families who refuse to educate themselves about their child's education goes beyond the classroom: it is a reflection of who they are at home and in public.
     My plea is this: if you are reading this right now and you have parents that cared about your education, call them up and thank them. As a teacher, I am supposed to teach the whole student, but I was not allowed to do this at my current school because of a student who exhibited violent tendencies towards me and other students. Due to federal law, I can't go into what this student did; however trust me when I say our country is doomed if we keep going down this path of no responsibility. There needs to be accountability at home in order to achieve what our nation needs: responsibility and accountability of parents, students who choose to behave badly, and respect for law enforcement. I have been told middle school is the hardest age to teach, and I believe it.
     Teachers, I commend you for giving your life to better this world, but once again, I need to take a break. Parents, DON'T BE IGNORANT. Kids don't need a friend or a pacifier, they need a parent who will take them to the doctor, listen to their needs, hold their hand when their heart is broken, but most of all, unconditional love. My students have been written off by their parents except one. I thank his grandmother for loving him, but also giving him a set of rules to follow at home.  I am a parent and wife first. I refuse to put myself in harm's way, just because a student thinks I am too white and need to be taught a lesson. Yes, these are the exact words one of my students told me when I was trying to teach him social studies. Our world is doomed if parents and students don't wake up and take responsibility for their actions. God bless America and let's make it great again!

A Life-Changing Decision

     A Life Changing Decision

     I was a Senior Vocal Performance/Music Education Major at SMU, Meadows School of the Arts. I thought I had life figured out. I had completed my junior recital, auditioned for Banff and Santa Fe Opera houses, and was preparing for my senior recital. I had finally found my voice. I also was overwhelmed with the idea that I didn't want to be a music teacher, but realized this was my path I had chosen. How was I going to tell my family that I didn't think teaching was my calling? I wanted to be a professional opera singer and wanted to attend LSU for more training (Master's degree in Vocal Performance). I had made my mind up and I was on my way home from SMU to tell my mom I was breaking up with my fiance, moving to Louisiana to pursue a Master's degree in Vocal Performance at LSU, and then it happened: I was hit directly into the side of my Blazer (think small SUV), and I lost consciousness. I don't remember getting hit, but our neighbor was out in his front yard and saw everything. I literally had pulled up in front of my house (we lived on a corner) and a sweet, little old lady did not see me. This car wreck changed my life. I am not bitter, but I am a better Christian because of this life-altering experience.
     I was 23 years old and I thought I knew everything. I was rushed to the hospital, due to this car wreck, but I was going to be okay. I was supposed to sing the next day for a wedding, but luckily, if you are a singer, you always know to have a back up plan. I don't remember who was getting married, but I remember it was going to be a large wedding. I felt bad for the bride, as I had been in a couple of weddings (as a bridesmaid). I knew the stress of planning a wedding and not getting what you paid for, so this was my first thought after the wreck. The reason I thought I knew it all was because I thought I had my life planned out, or so I thought. This car wreck changed my life, and I honestly don't know if I would be a professional opera singer now, but I do wonder "what if".
My brain was mush after this wreck. I had lost vision temporarily in my left eye, due to the pressure on my brain from this injury. My symptoms did not show up (slurred speech and trouble walking) for 3 days. Unfortunately, the ER didn't think to check my brain for internal bleeding, so I went home after this experience. The hospital was negligent and I blame them for not checking my brain. They did x-rays of my knees, ankles, and chest, but they "forgot" to do a CT scan on my brain. I kept asking the nurse why I couldn't see out of my left eye and she said it was only a scratched cornea, due to my glasses breaking my skin and cornea. She was WRONG. This experience changed me as a daughter, sister, and eventually a mom. I was NEVER taking NO for an answer, when it came to my health. How in the world could an ER nurse and doctor not see the pain I was in?
     I had an eye appointment 3 days later to check my cornea, and this is when I was sent back to the hospital. I fell asleep in the chair, woke up, and my speech was extremely slurred. The doctor thought I had a stroke in his office, so once again it was back to Presbyterian Hospital and the Emergency Room. The only thing I remember at this point is the wonderful Katherine Glaze Lyle praying over me and my mom. Katherine stood over us, took my hand, and prayed to God to heal me. From this moment on, I knew God was with me. I knew if I hadn't had my mom fighting for me, I would have ended up a statistic. My mom is a strong Christian, and because of her strong faith, I truly believe she found Katherine right when I needed God's healing grace. The reason I am telling you my story is because without my faith in God, I don't think I would have the life I currently have!
     I now sing for God. I don't sing for anyone else, because without my faith in God, I don't think I would have found my voice again. I had countless people praying for me, and because of them, I am stronger than I have ever been. I never blamed the lady who hit me because she had a lot on her plate. As it turns out, she was on her way home from Presbyterian Hospital and had just gotten her cast off from a broken arm. Her husband had Alzheimer's and she couldn't send him to a nursing home, so she was driving too fast when she hit me. The lesson I learned from this accident was always look ahead, pray for others that don't know how to pray to God for mercy and grace, and always realize that life can be taken away in an instant. Love your family, friends, and pray for those that don't know God. Without my faith in God, I don't know if I would have been healed. I had a major concussion and temporary bleeding, but because of the prayers said for me, I am a fully functional human being. I no longer have migraine headaches and I have the most beautiful 14 year old son from my first marriage (yes I am divorced and now have the most amazing and supportive husband). I don't look back; I thank God for giving me a second chance at life. My biggest accomplishment was going back to SMU and completing my degree in Music. I graduated from SMU, Meadows School of the Arts, on December 16, 2009. This date is significant to me because December 16th is my parent's wedding anniversary. This year, they are celebrating 52 years of marriage.

     God is good ALL THE TIME!!!!!