Life and Death

Life and Death

     How do you explain death to a typical person?  I have been struggling to understand how to explain my grief to Cole because a very good friend of mine died this week from cancer.  The reality of death stings in a way that I can't explain because I don't know how to address this difficult "elephant in the room".  I understand death happens, but sometimes sadness overwhelms me in a way that I can't explain.  Cancer has affected me in different ways because I thought I was going to lose my mom to this horrible illness when I was just 14 years old-- the exact same age Cole is now.  I find myself examining my life in ways that I never thought I would:  1. What would I do if I died tomorrow and I couldn't explain to Cole that I am never coming back? 2.  How would my husband carry on without me?  3.  Why is this world so cruel?  4.  How would my parents deal with my loss?  I have come to the realization that maybe, in some small way, my life would live on in Cole, my husband, my parents, and those around me I hold in high esteem.  When I write this blog, I truly want to educate those about autism, but today, this post is about grief and how to deal with it.

     I knew my friend, Linda, was going to die because her husband said it was just a matter of time.  Linda had fallen into a semi-coma due to cancer a few weeks ago.  Her husband, an incredible man of strength, courage, and compassion called my mom a little over a week ago to let us know she was not going to make it.  The ugliness behind cancer is that it doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, white, black, Republican, Democrat, straight, or gay.  I have cried many tears this week over Linda's death because she was such a kind, gentle, giving, and loving soul of a woman.  She never once asked, "why me?".  I know when her doctors gave her two options to try to cure her cancer, she decided to stay in Dallas and kick it to the curb.  The sadness that overwhelmed me is something I wasn't really expecting because we all knew death was knocking at her door.  However, the finalization of Linda's life here on Earth showed me that after death, there is life in Heaven.  I am a woman of very strong faith, but what really scares me is the fact that when I die, how will my son, Cole, understand that I am never coming back?  I know many parents worry on a daily basis about their children that have a disability, because I am one of those parents.  I have many questions that may never have an answer, simply because I love my son and husband more than my own life.  However, each question that lingers in my mind does have an answer.

     Cole is an only child, so he doesn't have a sibling to share things with.  I believe Cole is an only child for a reason:  God picked me and my incredible husband to be his parents.  I wish I could have had a baby with my amazing husband, but truly Cole is our gift from God.  I realize some of you know our story, but if not, Cole was adopted by my loving husband.  I divorced my first husband because of the abuse I endured for seven years.  However, that being said, I decided not to be bitter and find something better.  Our love story is truly one made for the movies:  1. man meets woman at church through the singles ministry, 2. man and woman fall in love, 3. man wants to adopt woman's son, no matter what type of disability son has, 4. woman falls madly in love with man, 5. mom marries man and son walks mom down the aisle at the church where we all meet, and 6. man officially becomes dad six months later through adoption.  My husband is my super hero.  All people should find this kind of love in their lifetime, because if not, you truly are missing out on God's greatest gift.  

     I feel my friend, Linda, found her true love not once, but twice.  She was a widow and met her second husband through dancing at our church.  I will miss Linda every single day, but her memory and legacy will live on through me, my mom, her family, her Red and Pink Hat Sisters, and her husband.  Cancer sucks.  I know there is a cure for cancer.  I feel there are cures to a lot of debilitating illnesses, but I strongly feel these cures will never be unleashed in my lifetime until the American people decide to vote out their congressmen and congresswomen.  How does this all relate?  I strongly believe 99% of our politicians are out to make money for themselves and their family.  I also strongly believe if drug companies weren't making millions of dollars off of the American people through lobbyists in Washington D.C., we would see less greed and more drugs become FDA approved.  That being said, go out and VOTE and make your voice heard.  Politics aside, there needs to be more accountability for those who hold office in federal and state government.  I don't know if I only speak for me and my family, but if we demand change, we will see it happen.  I pray there will be a cure released in my lifetime for ALL illnesses.  God bless you Linda and all of those that have gone before you.

Back To School: The Reality of Living with Autism

     Back to School:  The Reality of Living with Autism

     I will be the first one to admit I do like having a routine.  Cole thrives on a daily and weekly schedule and it gives him comfort knowing what comes next.  I, on the other hand, must have a written schedule to survive.  I haven't written a blog post in awhile because I have been enjoying summer with Cole and my awesome husband!  I am writing this blog today for two reasons:  1. I find it comforting to know there are good people out there to help Cole during summer and 2. I need to write to help me calm my mind.

     We have mostly good days, but there are some days that are just awful.  Yesterday was one of those awful days.  Cole was tired, but we pushed on and went to the gym.  I didn't see what happened because I was doing aerobics, but suddenly Cole's trainer opens the door and says he needs me.  Cole had gotten upset because he spilled water on the treadmill and was in a rage.  I felt awful for Cole and his trainer, but I was very thankful for the fast intervention of getting me.  When Cole has meltdowns, they are terrible.  I know if you are parent or a care giver to a person who has autism or other disability, then you can relate to this meltdown.  However, yesterday was extremely scary because Cole wanted to run down the stairs without me.  The stairs are very winding, open, and are 3 stories high.  I was finally able to calm him down after 30 minutes, but I don't think I have ever been as scared yesterday as I have ever been.  Cole is strong and when he is mad, he is extremely powerful with his strength.  I was embarrassed at first by Cole's meltdown because there were so many people watching, but after a minute of trying to calm Cole, I no longer became aware of the stares.  The unfortunate reality of Cole having autism is the worry I have each day that he will find someone to help him when I am gone (die).  I am truly blessed by an amazing support system with my husband, parents, and friends that love us.  I couldn't get through life without them. 

     Cole is fourteen years old, six feet tall, and weighs 265 pounds.  We received a wake up call in March when he had his yearly physical.  I knew in the back of my mind his doctor was going to be disturbed by his weight, but I thought it would be just one of those visits where I would say, "Oh, we are doing better!  We moved, he exercises every day in P.E., and he eats healthy".  I was wrong.  I was terrified by what I was told next:  Cole is a candidate for weight loss surgery and we have a wonderful pediatrician who is now certified.  You see, I have always battled with my weight since I was a college student.  I never had to worry as a child or teenager (but was obsessed with my weight to the point of becoming anorexic) about how much I weighed on the scale.  However, the scary part of being a parent to child with autism that doesn't like to exercise is a part of daily life.  I have seen with my own eyes loved ones suffer with their weight (too heavy or too skinny) and it truly scares me.  

     Cole's top weight rose to 282 pounds before we (me and my husband) got serious about losing the necessary weight naturally.  We exercised, hired a personal trainer, walked, started eating better, and now Cole has lost nearly 20 pounds.  However, due to family history Cole has high triglycerides, so more blood work is required in six months.  I am baffled as to why his repeat blood work didn't change that much from March, but after much research and reviewing our food journal, Cole eats too much fruit.  I was shocked when I read that fruit can cause high triglyceride levels.  Cole eats blackberries, strawberries, 3 types of grapes, cherries, raspberries, an orange, banana, cantaloupe, watermelon, and baby tomatoes every day.  I didn't realize too much of a good thing could have ill-effects on our health.  I now realize I have to cut down his fruit consumption and add more protein.

     The main reason I write this blog is to educate those who don't understand the complexities of autism.  I am truly amazed by the progress Cole has made since kindergarten.  I am incredibly blessed to have an amazing church that gives us so much for Cole and others who have disabilities.  I am also no longer as scared about his future life because of our church, Highland Park United Methodist Church, and all they are doing for the special needs community.  I still worry about the day when my parents are gone and I no longer have that mental and physical support from them.  I am also, for the most part, at peace with my life because I know Cole is the most incredible son I could ever have.  I thank God each and every day for giving me the insight to find an amazing man who loves me and Cole and supports us in any way he can.  Living with autism is hard at times, but with my faith in God, I truly have the most incredible life.

An Incredible School Year!

An Incredible School Year!

     I have been wanting to write this title, "an incredible school year" for a very long time, but it has eluded me until now.  I write this blog tonight because it truly has been an incredible school year for both me and Cole.  For many of you who read this blog, I started writing because I wanted to change the face of education and all that encompasses those who receive Special Education services.  I can finally say I am beyond happy with the education Cole is receiving.  I didn't have a clue what Cole was learning in the classroom until this year.  I saw very little work from outside the school walls, so I had no idea what kind of education he was receiving until this year.  I can now see as a substitute with my own eyes the curriculum (or lack there of) he was learning from, and I knew he needed more.  Cole and I worked at home, we worked during school when I was his subsitute, and I made sure Cole was being challenged in school, even if it meant staying there to work with him one on one as a volunteer in his classroom.  I felt in my heart that Cole was receiving a F.A.P.E. through 5th grade, but after his wonderful teacher and principal left right after 5th grade, our lives changed.  I shared earlier in the week on Facebook how we were affected by an incident when he was in the 6th grade (you can find it in a prior blog post), a non-compliant Principal, a brand new teacher that didn't understand Cole's learning abilities, and a school that felt like a hospital-- Cole's exact words.  Reflecting back and seeing how far we have come in just two short years is a miracle.  I say this because we have changed our lives drastically in one short year.

     I love Cole's former Principal at his middle school and his former teacher.  I have tremendous love and respect for them, so this made it hard to move.  We were faced with a job loss and a possible move to an entirely different state (New York), which made me evaluate my life.  What did I want as a mom, wife, and educator?  I wanted to be happy and make sure Cole was getting everything he needed, so I researched, called, emailed, and reached out to friends that I knew could help me if we were moving to New York.  After doing a ton of research, we realized staying in Dallas was the best option for us, even without a possible job.  I had no idea an apartment in New York (think 500 square feet) was going to cost us a minimum of $3000 a month, without an elevator, one bathroom, and no laundry facilities.  However, this also made me realize we didn't need our huge house in Dallas (3,300+ square feet) for three people. Facing a move to New York, the place that Cole absolutely loves to visit, was a revelation for me and for my husband that we actually could downsize.   

     I have had two people ask me recently why we moved to such an affluent neighborhood, and my answer specifically has been, and will always be, "why do you need to know?".  I feel people ask pointed questions and are rude for asking me why we moved, but in all honesty, it has really helped me find out who my true friends really are.  I am extremely thankful for all the research I did on a move to NYC.  I feel if I hadn't thought through living in New York for a very long time, we wouldn't have been able to make the move to University Park.  We live in a very quaint duplex in UP and I love it!  Cole can stay home when my husband and I decide to have a date, Cole walks to the grocery store, walks to his personal trainer 6 days a week, and can even walk to church.  We downsized because we felt we had to, and I am beyond grateful for this life-changing experience we had to make for the betterment of our family.  How did our move change my outlook on life and Cole's education?  God has given us the tools to cope with anything, including a serious health issue and a potential job loss.  We had faith God would see us through a layoff and He did.  

     Altering our vision helped us realize that even though life may seem impossible at times, God is always there for us.  We stand strong in our faith, continue to pray on a daily basis, and give thanks to God for all we have.  Life hasn't been easy at times, but it has been extremely rewarding to see Cole flourish at school, have work that is challenging, and make new friends.  I will always believe God saw us through these challenges and brought us closer together as a family.  We were scared, but we made adjustments to make sure we weren't in debt if and when my husband was going to be laid off.  I can see now why God saw us through these difficult times, because Cole is receiving the most incredible education he has ever had.  I never expected to move and I never expected my husband's company to close, but because of our faith in God, our lives truly are the richest they have ever been.  My incredible husband was never laid off, I saw firsthand as a substitute what Cole could receive in HPISD, and I love teaching again.  I don't do negative, because that's not what I am about.  I culled and even blocked a few friendships on Facebook because of their nasty attitude or disposition.  I am happy and my life may look like a fairy tale, but it has been a long road to find that dream come true for Cole's education.  Cole is happy and will continue to thrive because we have found a place and an incredible school system that truly embraces Cole and his learning abilities.  We love our old friends from our former neighborhood and still keep in touch with them, thanks to technology.  However, because of having a broader mindset and vision, Cole has received the most invaluable Free and Appropriate Education (F.A.P.E.) I could have ever dreamed of him having.  Thank you God, for giving us an incredible school year, filled with so many blessings and surprises!  I am one happy mom and wife!     

Heartbroken

Heartbroken

     I didn't realize until now how much Cole loves to perform in front of an audience.  He is a natural and is an incredible singer.  I am not saying this because I am his mom, but in hindsight, I should have seen this coming.  Cole is destined to be on the stage.  I think the reason I am writing this blog post today is because I am hurting for Cole.  I have had days, and even weeks, when I can't sing or perform due to illness.  I am not one of those stage moms who makes her kid perform.  I wish I could take away Cole's illness (coughing and bronchitis) so he could sing today for his school's talent show.  I know there will be other opportunities for Cole to perform, but this one really breaks my heart.  Cole was going to be able to show his friends how much he loves to sing and the staff at his new school how incredibly talented he is.  Cole has never had to cancel or re-schedule a performance, due to illness.  Three years ago, Cole had a viral throat infection that caused him a lot of trouble, but he still pressed on.  Cole's allergies sometimes turn into something more, and since we didn't have one single freeze this year, pollen is really stirred up, which has caused him to miss school.  I guess I am explaining this to the best of my knowledge because I really didn't know singing and announcing was Cole's passion.  He shines in front of an audience and literally has absolutely no stage fright.  I honestly couldn't be happier that he knows what he wants to do for a career (besides work at Burger King and Howdy Homemade--Cole's exact words).  I feel God has put people in our life to guide and support us.  I have witnessed so much in my life that I can only thank God for giving us so much here on Earth.

     A little over four years ago, I started dancing again.  How does this relate to Cole's life?  I met some pretty incredible people because of the amazing Buster Cooper.  Buster was larger than life (even at 5 feet tall!), and came into my life right when I needed him.  Buster Cooper is a legend in dance, and if you don't know who he is, Google him.  I started taking tap from him at the young age of 38, and met some of his students.  Through this experience, I have met Michael Jenkins, head of the Dallas Summer Musicals.  For some odd reason, he said he remembered me as a child and wanted to know what I had been doing.  Fast forward a few years from this conversation, and I have auditioned, performed in front of an audience again, and judged the high school musical theater awards.  Because of this awards show, Michael Jenkins, and Tracy Jordan have given me opportunities to show Cole what life is like as a performer.  These two men have also created something that, I hope, will never go away in Cole's lifetime:  homegrown talent right out of Texas making it on Broadway and Las Vegas.  I have met some incredible people because of my connection with Buster Cooper.  Buster danced right up until his death at the age of 90.  I credit Buster for giving me my life back and the love of tap.  He is the epitome of what life is about:  living it to the fullest.  

     I have had people ask me, why are you friends with so many people?  I think one reason is because I don't know a stranger.  The other reason is because I truly love my life.  I am thankful Cole is the same way (minus stranger danger), because if you just hole up into a cocoon, you aren't living.  I have been through divorce, witnessed death firsthand, had a bad work experience, and was in a terrible car wreck that changed the course of my life at the age of 23.  There were times that I wished I could have crawled into a hole and never lived after 23, but God thought otherwise.  I truly believe God gives us so much, and if we look at the positive side of life (even if you are going through life with a lot of hardships), it makes it easier to process our feelings and love each other.  I thank God every day for giving me an incredible son.  Cole truly is my gift from God, as well as my amazing and awesome husband.  Am I sad that Cole can't perform today?  Yes, because this is what he loves to do.  Will Cole have another opportunity to perform?  Of course he will, because I know this amazing son of mine is destined for HUGE things.

     Don't limit your thinking.  I have been very blessed to have met some incredible people in my life that have shaped me into the person I have become.  I feel God gave me incredible friendships as a child.  I also received unconditional love from my parents, grandparents, family members, and friends I consider family.  I also believe if you are given a family that isn't worthy of your love, you can find people that are worthy of it.  Unfortunately, so many people go through life thinking they aren't worthy of unconditional love because of their childhood or adult relationships they have had with their parents or exes.  Seriously, DON'T LIMIT YOUR THINKING.  I have learned as an adult I have a number of friends that don't believe or think they are worthy of unconditional love.  Our world is losing touch with society, thanks to social media.  However, if you limit your thinking, you may never know what opportunity is right around the corner for you.  I met my husband ten years ago, and because of the unconditional love he showed me and Cole, I am living the most incredible life.  I really didn't think I would marry again, because of my bitterness I had towards my ex-husband.  God turned my life around by giving me the tools to cope and to seek help through an incredible therapist, and because of her, my life is wonderful.  The reason I am stating this is because sometimes we go through life without realizing we need help.  I am not a therapist, but I do hope my blog posts help you realize you are human.  I couldn't get through life without my faith in God, the support and unconditional love of my incredible husband, and my parents.  TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

    Have You Ever Felt Overwhelmed?

     Having a child that has autism, at times, can be very stressful.  Cole can become an entirely different person at a moment's notice without any warning.  This scares me because there is a trigger than goes off in his head and then he starts scripting.  For those of you who aren't familiar with this term, scripting means the person who has autism will imitate what they see or hear on television, the computer, or radio.  Unfortunately, Cole has pulled up some YouTube videos (even after I have put a block on them) that are not pretty.  My sweet young man may revert at a moment's notice and imitate Jesse Ridgeway, aka McJuggernuggets, or Tourette's Guy from YouTube.  For those of you not familiar with these YouTube characters-- yes they are paid to make these videos for YouTube-- they are exhibit destructive behaviors.  Cole is brilliant because he can imitate a voice or commercial that is relevant to life, but when that trigger goes off, he will script either Tourette's Guy or Jesse Ridgeway, which is very scary.  I use different methods to calm him down, such as a countdown and snap my finger to come back to me, but sometimes it may take 20 minutes for him to get back to his "normal" place.  The most scary part about  Cole scripting is he can change into one of these people.  I understand why he does it, but the outside world doesn't understand our banter.  I make it into a game when we are in public after I have disciplined him (talked to him in a calm voice).  The outside world can be scary for anyone, but for those living with autism, coping is a skill that needs to be relevant and enforced at school and at home.  I get scared, at times, when we are out in public and one of his "characters" appears.  We have visited the police station in our neighborhood so they know us.    We are lucky to live in a neighborhood that accepts us, but at times, we still get the stares. 
     Why am I writing about this aspect of Cole's autism?  I have had one of those moments that I feel needs to be expressed, because autism is not going away.  There is no cure for autism.  Autism is a spectrum and syndrome that appears differently in every person that has it.  I doubt in my lifetime, there will be a "cure" for autism.  I am one of the lucky parents who has a child that is very sweet most of the time.  There are many families that may never hear their child speak, and for them, I weep.  Cole was non-verbal for nearly nine years.  I am grateful for music (as it broke his silence), because he can tell me things he needs, wants, and desires.  However, it is also scary when he reverts to Tourette's Guy or Jesse Ridgeway.  I feel overwhelmed at times because parenting is hard.  I do my best as a mom, because that's how I was raised.  I don't give Cole a pass, simply because he has autism.  We have had moments where I have had to walk out of a room because he needs his alone time.  I understand his behavior, but others don't.  I am blessed to have a husband that supports my parenting and encourages Cole to be the best human being he can be.  There are moments when I want to crawl into a corner and cry, but I don't have that luxury when Cole is around.  I have cried once in front of Cole, because I felt it was necessary for him to see me get emotional.  I am a very strong woman, but there are times I do want to be fired.  Cole uses this term, "You're fired", because he thinks it's funny. 
     I never want to be the mom that gives up on her child, simply because of a behavior that may not be conducive to real life.  I know I will never give up on Cole, but there are times I have given up on me.  Being a good parent is hard; being a great parent to a child living with autism is extremely hard.  I know God picked me to be Cole's mom, and I feel I am doing a great job.  However, don't forget the moms and dads raising kids with learning differences because, yes, it does get lonely for us.  I stay busy because it helps me stay connected to the outside world.  I have never given up on Cole because he deserves the best.  Do I expect the best from Cole?  You better believe I expect Cole to do great in school, at church, and home because he has been given tools to succeed in life.  Today's blog post is about understanding what your child needs:  unconditional love.  You may never know how much they need to hear you say "I love you".  Unconditional love is a gift.  Tell people you love them, because you never know what they are going through.  I tell Cole and my sweet husband I love them every day because they are my gifts from God.

Learning Through Music

Learning Through Music

     I have learned a lot in six months as a substitute teacher in Highland Park ISD, as well as Richardson ISD.  I didn't know I would be hired as a substitute teacher in both of these school districts when I applied for a teaching job.  The realization of teaching in an urban school district, such as Dallas ISD, taught me the value of parental support, as well as administrative support in and out of the classroom.  The school I taught in Dallas did not have a PTA and an extreme lack of support by administration.  I have heard it is slowly changing, but since I no longer work at this school, I just don't know.  Many schools in large districts are not equipped with parental support, not because the parents don't care; many families come to the U.S.A. seeking a better life for themselves and their children.  Families seek refuge from their country because of war and terrorism. I feel I am a better teacher because of my time in Dallas ISD, but I can also say I am a better parent because of my time as a teacher in Dallas ISD.  What I am about to share with you is real.  I only write my blog only to help people.  You can ignore this blog post, if it's too real for you, but this is life.

     I share this information with you because I want to educate parents, teachers, family members, and anyone who will listen because I have learned a lot in my 42 years of living.    What I do know is this:  there are families who do not care if their child/student is passing or failing.  The reason I say this (and I am sure I will hear from some of you) is because they feel burdened by their child's existence.  Teen pregnancy is on the rise, girls mistake love for sex, and boys tell girls they love them, only to satisfy their need.  This cycle will never be broken if we only preach "no sex before marriage".  Kids are having sex and we need to educate them about safe sex.  Why am I bringing this topic up?  The main reason I bring up the topic of teen pregnancy is it relates to our culture:  kids having kids.  I have witnessed teen pregnancy as a friend, but also as a teacher.  What our society is becoming is very scary to me:  we are not educating students in the classroom.  There are students who can't read, do basic math, or comprehend what teachers are trying to teach because they don't have support at home to encourage them to read or do their homework.  Many kids come from broken homes, so I made it a mission to not only embrace my son's friends who come from single parent homes, but I also made sure I educated them about safe sex and the importance of receiving a college education.  I am very proud of my son and his friends because they are actually listening.  You may not agree with my parenting, but we live in a world full of cynicism, hate, and bigotry.  I love my son and his friends, and I feel by showing them what unconditional love is, they receive an education you can't find in any school or book.  That being said, I have always listened to God and His word.  I know we can't preach in school or get the word out about Jesus, but I totally feel if families embraced His love, kids and families would be much better off. 
     My husband and I made a family decision nearly a year ago to cut out cable television and focus on our family with Cole.  I realize now that television is nothing more than wet journalism, full of commercials trying to sell the latest and greatest toy or pill that will make your life better.  I knew when I was pregnant with Cole, we would be watching Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, Electric Company, and Mr. Rogers because that is what I grew up watching.  What I did not know is how we would get sucked into the other popular kid shows such as Mickey Mouse Club, Bear and the Big Blue House, Dora the Explorer, and Spongebob Squarepants.  Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed watching these shows (except Spongebob) with Cole, but they were clouding my mind.  I wanted more for Cole.  I knew early on I wanted to be outside and enjoy nature, so I made it a point to walk nearly every day with him until he started Kindergarten.  I knew by age 3, Cole was different because he wasn't talking like his other friends, but I just chalked that up to television and being around adults.  I later realized I understood Cole and what he wanted by pointing to things, but I also came to the conclusion that I needed to get him help.  Cole would not be diagnosed with autism until the age of 6.
     I started reading to Cole when I was pregnant and we also listened to the classics.  Each time I played Vivaldi's "Four Seasons", Cole would literally dance in my tummy!  I now relish these sweet memories because Cole now loves listening to other types of music, but will occasionally listen to my classical music.  I knew when I had a baby, this child would grow up knowing and listening to the greats:  Beethoven, Mozart, Saint Saens, Bach, Puccini, and the Russian Five.  I am thankful that I had the opportunity as a college student to learn about these composers and their contribution to society.  What I did not know is that I would have a child with a disability.  Cole loves all types of music, but what I did not know is that music would break his silence.  I am blessed because I received an incredible education at Meadows School of the Arts, SMU, and I am able to share my love of music and history with Cole.  However, for families that are not educated, their children may never realize their potential and all they have to offer as a contributing member of society.
     I am not a pessimist, nor a negative person; however, I am a realist.  I believe we need to integrate classical teaching into curriculum in the state of Texas.  This will never happen in my lifetime, but I can make sure my son receives a classical education, even if it's outside of school.  Do you ever consider home-schooling your child?  I wanted to home-school Cole from the time he was five years old, because I wanted to shield him from the realities of our world.  I also realized he needed a lot more help than I was able to give him.  I am now a certified special education teacher because of my son.  I could write a book about our life and the education we both receive on a daily basis, but I feel I am still not ready.
     I know by writing this blog post, I am educating people.  My prayer is that the families who don't know who to turn to for help with their children will read this blog.  Reading, writing, math, and comprehension is something that can be taught at school and home.  Without knowledge, education becomes mute.  Without wisdom, knowledge is lost.  Please read to your children, play classical music, offer help to kids that really need a listening ear, but most of all,  be an advocate for all.

Why I Choose God As My Role Model

Why I Choose God As My Role Model

     I continue to learn about God and why He chose me to be Cole's mom.  I am in utter amazement of my son, simply because he now can tell us what he needs.  Only five short years ago Cole didn't communicate with us what he needed or wanted.  Cole didn't even script, which now makes utter sense to me as a child living with autism.  Autism shows up differently in every single person I have known.  I feel by "labeling" a child or an adult living with autism, you not only limit their thinking, you limit your ability to see what that person is capable of becoming.  Fifteen years ago I had no idea what God had in store for me when I read that little stick that had a positive sign-- I was pregnant.  I still remember to this day knowing I was pregnant, but I hadn't done the test to see if I truly was pregnant.  I felt so many emotions from the moment I saw Dylan, my now 15 year old precocious nephew, and the look on Nanny Comp's face when I told her I was pregnant.  Nanny's reaction:  "Well I thought you were getting a little pudgy.  I can't wait to see what God gives you."  I told her that if we had a boy, he was going to be named Roy-- after her husband and my granddaddy.  The moment we found out Cole was a boy, I knew he was going to be Cole Roy.  Fourteen years later, Cole Roy still amazes me.

     I know this is controversial to talk about, especially when I proclaim Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, but if I didn't have my strong faith to rely on, I don't know where I would be today.  I have some friends that aren't Christians and I don't tell them how to live their life, but I know if I didn't have Christ in my life, I wouldn't grasp the fact how much I am loved and how He has taken care of me during my hardest times.  God loves us, no matter what color we are, who we vote for, or what kind of house we live in.  I am not an ordained minister, but I do know this:  without God in my life or my family's life, I wouldn't have the most amazing life I have today.  God is my strength, my security, my refuge, and my comfort not just when I need Him, but when He helps me see what I need to do to succeed in life personally and professionally.

     I know God personally picked me to be Cole's mom, and I also know he picked my husband to be his dad.  My husband is the most amazing man.  He not only married me, but he took on the role of father and husband the minute we started dating.  People tell me, how did you find such an amazing love?  My answer is this:  I listened to my heart, I made a list with the qualities I was looking for in a spouse and father for Cole, and I forgave my ex-husband for all he had done to me.  Yes, forgiveness is not the easiest thing for me, but I knew in order to find true happiness, I had to search my heart and forgive all who had hurt me, including my ex-husband.  I won't get into my personal story about my prior marriage, but know it was not good.  I am thankful to God every day for helping me get out of that relationship.

     I write this blog to help others.  You are not alone.  God is always with you.  Trust in Him and you won't be alone.  I think what scares me the most about living in the 21st century is knowing that so many people, including those running for the office of the President, don't stand firm in their faith.  I wish we had better choices for our next President and I wish the mud-slinging would stop.  You may not agree with former President George W. Bush's ideas or policies, but I will say this much:  He is a man of God.  I will go on the record and say, YES, I did vote for George W. Bush because he is a Christian.  Again, I don't tell people who to vote for, but I believe our country would be so much better if we had a President who doesn't waiver in their faith.  Stand firm:  don't give in to bullies or terrorists.  George W. Bush didn't back down to them, so why should we settle for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?  Yes, I said settle.  Money talks, but God is watching us.  I will love God with all my heart, because that is what I stand for.  

     Cole loves God and it shows in his actions, words, and behavior.  I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be.  God chose me to be Cole's mom, so I will always strive for perfection.  Cole is the most amazing young man and I am thankful to have God on my side helping us raise a kind, gentle, soul.  I pray God heals our country and gives us a leader that isn't a racist or a liar.  Why should we, as Americans, sit idly by and settle for mediocrity?  We can do better!  Congress, I implore you to stand up for those that work hard.  CEO's of Fortune 500 Companies shouldn't be paid huge salaries.  That being said, hard work should be rewarded.  What happened to America?  Greedy corporate America is what happened.  I don't proclaim to be a Republican or a Democrat.  I vote for the person that has my best interest, and as of right now, I feel I could run this country better than Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.  That is all for now!