Expectations and Technology

Expectations and Technology

     I have come to the realization that I can second guess myself, which may not be a bad thing!  I feel, at times, that this blog is only a reflection of part of me, Cole, and my wonderful husband.  I am truly blessed to be loved by these two wonderful men in my life and I thank God each and every day for them!  I also realize that my blog is not really reaching out to as many as I thought.  I read just last night on a friend's post on Facebook that there are so many people that "live" through Facebook.  That is not living.  Unfortunately, there are so many people in today's world that are living through their technology and not making that personal connection, via face to face in person or actually talking on the telephone.  To me, this is sad.  I made such wonderful friends growing up and I know it was because I talked to them in person on the playground and in the classroom.  I don't expect much these days from adults my age or younger, simply because today's world is all about technology, who is "popular" when it comes to friendship via Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram.  However, I do expect the courtesy email or text to let me know that they can't keep an appointment.  My stark realization is now clear to me, which totally sucks on my end:  technology has replaced the actual form of conversation and I don't like it.  My expectation is now being shifted to, "What can I do to stay in the loop via technology?".   My son and his all of his friends are now using technology, via text, Instagram, KIK accounts, and Facebook to talk to each other.  Do I like this?  No.  However, to keep up with "going on's" in Cole's life and his friends, I must keep up with the latest technology, just to make sure these kids stay safe and know to how to interact with each other.  The art of conversation is now lost, simply because of technology.

     My expectations have now become a reality, simply because my music proposal "Technology and Education:  Educating the student with Special Needs" was picked for next year's T.M.E.A. annual convention.  I submitted two proposals, but the proposal that was picked has to do with technology.  I am really excited about this opportunity to educate thousands (20,000+ people attend this yearly convention) in the field of technology and music, but my main goal was to reach teachers and administrators.  I only pray my presentation is insightful, full of knowledge that has not been presented, and how to reach the population about students who have learning and physical disabilities.  I anxiously have been waiting since June 1st (this is when all proposals were due) to see if I would actually get picked.  I initially thought I would be notified by email on August 1st.  After much digging on T.M.E.A.'s website (again, hence technology rearing it's ugly head), I found what I was looking for:  each person that submitted a proposal would be notified via email, starting August 15th.  My heart raced, I kept checking my email every hour on August 15th.  Wouldn't you know it, I would receive that confirmation email that said my proposal was picked the following day, August 16th, when I was away from my computer!  I am grateful for technology, simply because it has given so many people a voice that don't have one.  

     Educating one person at a time is my mantra, but if you can educate thousands, why not go for it?  I am forty years old and I can clearly remember when I was in the sixth grade, there was a boy in my class that had a learning disability (dyslexia).  He was so sweet and turned out to be one of my very best friends (he thought I was his girlfriend!).  I remember him to be a gentle soul, very tall, and would ask me for help in class.  I didn't know he had dyslexia until he told me on Valentine's Day.  He gave me a card that said on the inside "Would you be my girls friends?".  He personally wrote this, so naturally I thought, am I going to have to share him with other girls?  I was not into boys, except to play basketball and football with them, but I was a little confused by what he had written.  I am now learning that dyslexia is not a form of reading words and letters backwards, but that it is something much more complex.  My friend, Lyn Pollard, can educate you fully on what dyslexia is.  I do know that if my boyfriend in sixth grade would have been granted materials in our classroom that helped him learn his way, he would have aced 6th grade with flying colors!  We did attend the same middle school, but didn't have any classes together.  He was a gentle soul and this would be my first experience into learning about people who have learning disabilities.  Fast forward 28 years later, I now know that each child should be given the BEST education one is offered, thanks to the Wright Law.

     Technology is a double-edged sword for me.  I love to write, but I have been doing a lot more writing via computer (blogging), which in some ways, is cathartic.  Cole has taught himself how to learn music via YouTube and other computer apps made available on a computer or iPad, simply because technology is now common in school and the workplace.  My son may not have found his voice, if it hadn't been for YouTube.  I have worked so hard to give Cole a voice:  private speech therapy since the age of four on a weekly basis, his own band "Cole Warren and the Jambox Boys and Bebop Girls", and a home filled with family and friends on a weekly basis.  My first job in life is to be the best mom and wife to Cole and my wonderful, supporting husband.  My second job in life is to educate millions.  I would like all people to know and understand what it's like to live on a daily basis with a child (nearly a teenager) who has autism.  This statement is reality:  I don't think this is selfish at all, but what so many people don't realize is that as a parent, we have to keep thinking ahead and see what we can do to offer Cole to keep his mind active.  Also, my husband and I are products of environment.  My husband and I are blessed to have had top-notch educations from private school and colleges that afford us the comforts of our home that realistically, may not be true for Cole.  Cole may be able to attend a community college and hopefully a state school that provides programs for adults that have autism.  I plan on using my story and Cole's life as an example of how life is in our household.  Music is a part of both of us.  I never expected to be a presenter at T.M.E.A., however,  I am thrilled to expose teachers, educators, parents, and administrators to life, music, and autism.  I really didn't expect my T.M.E.A. proposal to be picked.  I have always been told it takes two to three times to submit a proposal for it to be picked.  I guess I am one of the few that has experience in education, technology, music, and teaching on a daily basis, simply because I have a child that has autism.  I will always pursue excellence and expect nothing short of perfection when it comes to educating our population, even if it's via technology.  I would love to leave this world a better place, simply because I have taught and educated people about living with autism.  I think I am on my way!

Perfectionism: Does It Exist?

Perfectionism:  Does It Exist?

     I have racked my brain over this subject many times, and I think I suffer from that word:  perfectionism.  I have always strived to be the best in everything I do, and it catches up to me quite a bit.  I look in the mirror every day and question my ability to be the thinnest, look the fittest, and have that look that says I take care of myself physically.  I have always had a problem with my weight (or so I thought) since middle school.  I remember when it was the summer of 1987 and I wore my first bikini to the beach-- Galveston Island.  I shopped that entire summer before the Fourth of July to find the "perfect" bikini.  I can still remember that bikini like it was yesterday:  pink, with black leaves and palm trees.  I had purchased my first bikini at Clothestime, my favorite store from 1986-1993, and I would hold onto this beloved swimsuit until it faded and nearly fell apart my senior year of high school!  I hate to admit this, but I am a perfectionist.  I now realize, though, that you can't get back time.  I am 40 years old, I am obese (but in great physical condition because I exercise four to five times a week), and I have a terrific life, simply because I now choose to live in the moment.

     I am writing this post today because the summer is slowly coming to an end, and I am apprehensive about the start of school.  The main thing I am so thankful for is a new school for Cole, a fresh start and clean slate for not only Cole, but for me as well.  I know I really stirred things up at Merriman Park Elementary last year, simply because I expected and demanded what Cole was entitled to:  a very challenging education, teachers that understood Cole and helped him to be his best, and a school that was free of bullying and bias.  I hate to look back and say, "Oh, I was that parent that caused a lot of problems."  However, I know as a mom and as a teacher, Cole has every opportunity as any kid does in school to be the best he can be.  I have to let go of my anger, move forward, and know that Cole is in good hands at Forest Meadow Junior High.  I get so emotional when I write, simply because I love my son.  Cole has come so far in life, that it just wasn't fair to him to receive a half-ass education last year.  Sixth grade, in my eyes, is a grade that needs to have very effective and responsible teachers, with an administrator leading the way.  I will say it again:  Cole was robbed of his innocence, and I for one, am NOT going to tolerate ineffective administration or teachers this year.  I communicate what I feel, whether it's right or not right in other people's eyes, I am a mom first and I am fierce about being a perfectionist-- especially when it comes to my son's education and his future.  This is why I enjoy being a perfectionist, simply because it causes me to think and react on my feet and not take no for an answer.  I think Katie Kirkpatrick heard my voice loud and clear in Cole's three A.R.D.'s towards the end of the school year, but I pray she doesn't mess up anybody else's potential to have a successful school year at Merriman Park Elementary.  This "Principal" should not have been allowed to continue in administration at Merriman Park Elementary for a second year, simply because she is a lousy Principal who doesn't know special education or gifted law.  I didn't file any complaints to T.E.A., simply because I expect better out of this woman.  However, if I hear of others being neglected because of her ineffective leadership and understanding of how a school should be run, you can believe I will file a complaint with the state.  I lost my trust and faith in Katie Kirkpatrick in October 2013, simply because she did nothing to communicate with me about Cole's bullying and sexual abuse.  She is a coward, a liar, but most of all, the worst type of Principal:  ineffective.  Katie Kirkpatrick was absent from her office, never around to see what was happening at her school, never took the time to say thank you to her amazing teachers, and never returned one email with regards to Cole's bullying.  I had one Principal who I worked for that was the same way, but at least I could leave my job.  Kids and parents can't leave their school (unless they choose to home school, which isn't going to happen), so as a parent, we must stand up to bullies-- even if it's a Principal or an Administrator.

     Perfectionism is a disease.  I suffer from this disease and I always have.  I think there are different types of perfectionism:  a creative type, a "type A" type, an intelligent type, the image conscious type, and a spiritual type.  I would label myself as the creative and image conscious perfectionist.  I have always wanted to be the best singer and always have the perfect body.  As a trained opera singer, one must have the body of goddess, simply because if one doesn't take care of their instrument, the voice suffers.  I have never been the best singer-- always "almost there".  I remember my first audition as a child and I clearly remember at the age of six that I was too pretty to play the youngest Von Trapp daughter, because I didn't have brown hair.  I had to settle for Marta, but I wanted to be the best.  I loved playing Marta in "The Sound of Music", but I wanted to be Gretl, simply because she had the biggest singing part.  I learned then that I had to step up my game to be the best.  I have always loved music, Broadway, and Opera.  I don't really know how to explain this next part, but I will try, simply because this is where I think being a perfectionist is hard to write into any blog.  I longed to be the next "Annie" on Broadway.  I had seen the movie in 1984 and I instantly fell in love with it.  I knew I was going to be the next Aileen Quinn (Annie in the movie), simply because I was a great singer and a pretty good singer.  I had struck gold in the summer of 1984:  Annie was having open auditions at the Dallas Summer Music Hall and I was going to audition!  This one experience changed my life for good and gave me so many incredible opportunities as an adult.  

     I remember singing "Tomorrow" for two straight weeks after my mom had told me about the audition.  I think I pushed my brother over the edge, simply because I was that annoying little sister who never shut up!  I clearly remember getting up every morning at 7 a.m. and putting on my tap shoes, dancing on our little piece of linoleum in the front hallway, and doing this for nearly twelve hours every day.  I couldn't get enough of Annie.  I even made my mom buy me the record album!  Unfortunately, by the time the audition had come, I had HUGE BLISTERS on both feet, making my dancing look awkward.  Honestly, I was shocked when they called my name for a call back.  I thought I had danced like an elephant, trying not to show the pain I was in from my blisters.  From then on, I swore I would never tap dance as hard and long as I had for that one audition!  My singing, according to the counselor at my elementary school (retired opera singer), was very good, but Broadway was a much different venue.  She told me just to sing my heart out and they would love me.  They didn't love me, as I didn't make the final cut of the show.  I was heartbroken.  I took it personally, but I was thankful and grateful for the opportunity it gave me.  I couldn't believe it when they called me at home and left a message on our answering machine that they wanted me.  Unfortunately, we were in Colorado when this happened and they left without me.  The next week, we were headed for Estes Park, Colorado, and I sang all the way there and all the way back.  I can still hear my brother, "Erika, shut up or I am going to throw you out the window".  If Nanny and Granddaddy had not been with us, I really think he would have thrown me out of our Plymouth Volare station wagon in 1984!  I owe my brother a lot-- but especially patience with me.  He put up with my singing until 1992, and I thank him for that.  He is a great big brother, simply because he put up with my singing and my crazy self!  I am forever grateful for those trips that we took with my parents, nanny, and granddaddy.  I don't know if my singing is now tolerable to Shawn, but since we don't live in the same household, I imagine it is bearable to him now.

     I longed to always be on a stage, and I would always sign any type of card, "Erika Kelley.  Someday this autograph is going to be worth a million dollars because I am going to be famous!".  When I was in high school, my perfectionism caught up with me.  I was 15 years old, nearly 16, and I wanted to be bone skinny.  I was on my high school's swim team and I wanted to look like a certain girl, simply because she was a really fast swimmer and had gotten a certain dance part in our musical, "42nd Street".  I don't blame anybody for what I did to my body-- only myself.  I would only eat carrots, celery, ham off my sandwich, and an apple for lunch, because I longed to be that girl who had everything.  I had a boyfriend, but I wouldn't let him see my body, simply because I knew he would tell someone.  I wanted to be that spotlight dancer (hence the perfectionist rears her head here), I wanted to be that next big star on Woodrow Wilson's stage, but I wanted more than that-- I wanted to live in New York and pursue my dream of becoming the next "Annie".  I had seen so many of my friends in high school looking a certain way, so I wanted to look like them too.  I wasn't fat, if you call 5'6" and 120 pounds fat, but I wanted to weigh 100-105 pounds.  Unfortunately, I did manage to get down to 102 pounds.  These days, that doesn't sound so bad, simply because of the image that "stars" portray and live on a daily basis.  However, that being said, I think this is a sick way to live.  I was on a band trip in St. Louis, Missouri, when I started throwing up-- I suffered from bulimia and anorexia.  One of my friends told my band teacher (who I was not a big fan of), that I was sick and needed help.  The reality of passing out at musical practice back home then throwing up in St. Louis made me keenly aware that people were watching me.  I didn't want to admit that I had a problem, but I did.  I knew when I got back home, I needed to do something.  I threw up one last time at school, and three of my closest friends were there when it happened.  I clearly remember not throwing up anything and feeling faint, but I was so dehydrated I couldn't tell anyone.  I am forever grateful to those three friends and one particular mom (my brother's girlfriend's mom) who stayed with me and brought me Jack in the Box eggrolls, simply because I was so hungry and thirsty.  I talked to these friends on a daily basis, and they were the ones that helped me get through this emotional time in my life.  Amanda, Keicee, and Melinda saved my life and I have never told them thank you.  When I stopped throwing up and starving myself, I weighed 102 pounds.  I looked sick and I felt sick, but I was skinny.

     Perfectionism doesn't always serve me well, obviously!  At times, I am thankful for the knowledge on how to take care of myself, but I am also thankful for an incredible support system.  Without unconditional love, I could have headed down a broken and dark road to self-destruction.  Cole is a perfectionist, when it comes to singing, but his God-given gift of looking out for himself is something that simply amazes me.  He has that strong desire that I did to move to New York, become the next Frankie Valli in "Jersey Boys", and to push the button in Times Square on New Year's Eve with Mayor Michael Bloomberg.  Cole practices for hours on end every day, until he thinks he is perfect, then he stops to eat, plays Minecraft, and then resumes his rendition of "Walk Like a Man" until I tell him it's time for bed.  I have always wondered if people that have autism could be perfectionists.  I think my son is a perfectionist, in the creative sense.  I only pray that Cole can achieve what I never could-- okay with being great at home and with his life.  It has taken me forty years to be just "okay" with my life and not being the best at everything.  I wanted to be that star like Aileen Quinn and Sutton Foster.  My time has come and gone (or so I think), but my son is destined for great things.  He truly could be the next Frankie Valli in "Jersey Boys" because he is that good.  Sometimes, I just have to relax, say thank you God for all of the blessings you have bestowed to me and my family, and know that I am a great wife, mom, daughter, and friend.  I am thankful for friendships that span over thirty years, but I am also beyond thankful for having the most amazing family and husband God could have ever given me.  I am one blessed perfectionist!

Sickness and Death: It Sucks

Sickness and Death:  It Sucks

     I don't really know why I write this blog, except it is somewhat cathartic when I experience sadness or heartache.  I am able to write my sadness and tears into an oblivion at times, so please understand that I can get emotional as anyone can when someone I love is gravely ill or dies.  I have learned over the years that as a Christian, it is comforting to know that my loved ones are in Heaven and are always with me.  That being said, I have never liked illness or death.  Who does?  The first time I felt at a loss to convey my feelings except cry was the death of a very good friend, Chris Garrett.  Chris was a gentle, loving, and kind soul and he lost his battle with a rare form of cancer at age 19.  Cancer sucks.  Nobody should have to experience cancer.  I had seen my mom very sick on a weekly basis when I was 13 years old, but she kicked cancer's butt.  I am now 40 years old and my mom is still here.  I can say my mom's stubbornness, my grandparents (her parents) faith, and all of her friends being there for her is what saved her life.  I can't say what saved my mom.  There are so many people that fight cancer every day, but lose their battle way too soon.  If I had to say why my mom lived, it is because she has a strong faith and she was on so many people's prayer lists.  Cancer sucks.  I witnessed this horrible disease on a daily basis for three years.  My mom had stage 3 breast cancer.  My aunt Cleo was not so lucky.  She tried radiation after her cancer diagnosis.  We lost Cleo within 6 weeks after her cancer diagnosis.  I still have trouble thinking about Cleo's death, simply because we lost her too soon.  Each year on August 9th, the anniversary of Cleo's death, I leave a flower for her on her grave every year.  Cleo has been gone since 1990 and I can say it has gotten easier through the years, but that loss is still there.  I had many great people in my life and I consider Cleo one of my moms.  This is why it is so hard to write this next paragraph.  I am losing another mom and it hurts.  I can't stop crying, I pray for comfort, but most of all, I pray for this amazing woman's family, who has become a second family to me.  This family and woman was there for me during my hardest time in life:  my mom's fight with breast cancer.

     I am on of those lucky people that had an amazing support group of friends and family when my mom was sick.  My mom is incredible.  She would come to every single game I played in at J.L. Long Middle School.  The next day, I knew she was tired and sick, but my mom always managed to get me and my brother fed breakfast, have a lunch packed for us, and get us to school on time every day.  I know this was no easy feat, as I still have a hard time getting up, getting Cole ready for school and out the door on time (semi-awake after two cups of coffee for me)!  The main reason I am the mom and wife I am today, is because I have great role models.  That second Momma to me is still my second Momma.  Her name is Armelia King, but I called her Coach.  Coach King was a lot of everything to so many people, but to me she was Momma.  She was there to pick me up when I was down.  Coach King was the one that stood up for me when she found out that certain girls were telling me, "Erika, go ahead and do yourself a favor.  Kill yourself, because you know your mom is going to die."  Yes, there were bullies, horrible girls, and nasty comments that were uttered to me at my middle school, but I had someone that always had my back:  Coach King.  I know many of my teammates (actually all of them) would agree that Coach King was more than a Coach:  she was a mentor, role model, amazing teacher, and the backbone of J.L. Long Middle School.  I always knew if I had a problem, I could go to Coach.  She was my rock, my protector, and my momma.  She didn't play, she didn't take no for an answer, and she didn't cut us any slack.  She had gone through hard times, but she never told us or showed us what she had gone through.  I know raising a son with autism has been hard, but I only can wonder how difficult it was raising three girls by herself without a husband.  I guess I can imagine it, but I know it was hard.  Coach King exemplified grace under pressure and she exemplified true grit.  This is why it hurts so much to see her suffer.  I am amazed by her spirit and the life-long impression she has left on my life.

     I feel writing about other topics in my blog lets you see the human side of me.  I hate death, I hate sadness, but most of all, I hate it when Cole sees me sad and crying.  I am fine right now, but even the smallest thing can get me crying again, like a Geico commercial!  I love hard, I love unconditionally, and I am thankful for the relationship I have had with Armelia King for nearly 30 years.  Coach King was the main person that inspired me to be a middle school teacher.  Ms. King was the most amazing Coach, taught me how to "press" for the first time in basketball, showed me how to play defense like a guy, and she taught me the true meaning of life.  I love this woman and Dottie, her youngest daughter.  Dottie and I have known each other since 1986, so we just get each other.  I pray for Dottie, as it is so hard for her to see momma slip away.  Dottie is crazy, so I guess that's why we get each other!  She is a wonderful friend and mom, and I am blessed to know Dottie.  I know if it had not been for Facebook, I would have never reconnected with her or Momma.  I am so glad I found Dottie and she found me.  We are relying on each other and I am so grateful Dottie takes the time to text and call me about Momma.  I am getting to know Coach's oldest daughter, Angela, and she is so much like her mom.  Angela is extremely smart, has Coach's smile, and takes care of business!  There are so many other family members that I could list, but these two women, along with Coach, are like my family.  When Coach dies, I pray that comfort and healing begins for everyone.  

     Coach has been sick for quite some time now, so she is not the same as I remember her in 1986.  I remember Coach as a strict disciplinarian who didn't take crap from anyone.  She no longer is the strong woman I remember.  She has suffered strokes and now has a weak heart that can only be treated with medicine, so that is what is causing her to slowly slip away.  My memories are packed away in my sub-conscience, so I am grateful for these memories.  I long for that day when Momma is released from her pain and suffering, because she deserves it.  Nobody knows when it's their time, but I know when Coach leaves this Earth, she has left a permanent mark on my heart and mind.  I am saddened to experience this pain, but I am thankful for my faith, my strength, and my pure love for this amazing woman.  Coach Armelia King is more than a teacher, Coach, and friend; she is a Mom and Grandmother.  Her legacy lives on in all of her kids.  I am one of the lucky ones; I get to say goodbye.  I don't have any regrets.  She was and always will be, Momma and Coach.  I miss her, I miss her laughs, but most of all, I miss Coach.

     I didn't mean to make you cry, so I am sorry about this subject.  I find writing as a way to express my intimate feelings, happy or sad.  I feel this is a kind of a release of my anxiety to pen this post tonight.  I take comfort and can smile just a little, knowing that I can find peace in my memories and in God.  I don't know what I would have done without Coach.  She was there in my most formative years.  I can only pray I can do the same for my son and his friends.  Time will only tell if I have made a lasting impression on Cole, our friends, and my former students the way Coach King has left on me.  Coach, I love you.  You have always been in my thoughts and prayers.  Heaven will be a much better place when you arrive.  I am one lucky woman to have had you as my 7th grade science teacher, volleyball, basketball, and softball coach.  You saw my potential, made me a great athlete, and helped me pursue life with fire.  I thank God for you and your family.  You saved me from what could have possibly been the worst time of my life, and for that, I will truly be indebted to you.  Thank you for helping me become who I am today.  I am at a loss for words, so thank you, for reading this tonight.  In the words of a friend, may our friendship stay dear and Vaya Con Dios....

Idealistic Goals vs. Reality

Idealistic Goals vs. Reality

     I have always tried to give myself a goal each year, accompanied with a view of reality.  I love my son beyond words and would give him anything and everything to help him become independent.  The way I describe independent is much different than anyone's point of view, if you don't have a child with autism.  Our journey has been a long one to get to the point where we are in life, so please don't judge me or my family.  I have had a lot of cheerleaders helping me, Cole, and my husband when it comes to the idea of being completely independent.  I won't lie; the first eight years of Cole's life were a struggle for me simply because he didn't speak or tell me what he needed or wanted.  I felt, at times, like throwing my hands up and throwing in the towel.  I wanted to roll up in a ball and cry many times (and sometimes I did), but my stubborn will to give Cole a voice and help him navigate in this big, bad, enormous world of uncertainty made me strive to be the best mom I could be.  I had fights with people over what Cole needed.  We changed pediatricians three times until we were all satisfied (beyond happy with our current doctor and staff).  We also tried a developmental pediatrician too, for Cole, which was just not a good fit.  

     You have to find the right fit for your child and you, simply because you are going to become friends with this person.  I liked Cole's first pediatrician, but after I started questioning his perspective in terms of a diagnosis of autism, I clearly became "that parent".  I clearly remember Cole's pediatrician asking me to write down the words Cole said at age 2.  I wrote down words that I thought I heard Cole say (actually mimic a sound), and his doctor took that as, "Oh he's fine.  Boys usually are slower at doing things then girls, so he probably just fits into this category of a slower talker."  I knew at age 2, Cole was not progressing the way I thought he should.  I also knew that since Cole had had 12 ear infections in one year, this could be slowing up his progress to talk.  I would hit my head against a wall just trying to figure out why my son didn't talk.  Looking back, I thought I talked too much and this was the main reason that Cole couldn't get a word in edge-wise.  Seriously, I thought in my head, "He was slow to walk--17 1/2 months, so maybe he's going to be a slow talker."  As a mom, you know when something is not right with your kid-- it's that inner gut feeling.  I knew Cole was different, but I also knew he needed help that I couldn't give him.

     Fast forward ten and half years and my kid does not shut up!  I fought long and hard for Cole, and I still do.  You have to be your child's advocate.  You must be their voice, simply because if they don't have a voice to advocate for themselves, you need to step up to the plate and be that parent who questions doctors, nurses, and therapists.  I only have a bachelor's degree in music, so I didn't know much about medical issues.  Make Google your best friend.  Please know, we have great doctors now, but it's not because I settled on just one.  Do the homework, find that right fit for your child, and also question their perspective when it comes to treating a child with autism.  I had many battles with Cole's first pediatrician, simply because he didn't think Cole had autism.  He blamed Cole for putting play-doh in his ear at age 8, that  caused his ear infection.  We didn't have any play-doh in our home, so I just it happened at school.  Do NOT ASSUME all doctors want to treat or know how to treat a kid with autism.  My last straw with this doctor was when he told me to treat Cole's staph infection with bleach.  He could sit in a tub of bleach to get rid of it, or it would go away at puberty.  Cole was 8 YEARS OLD!  There was no way that I was going to put Cole in a tub of bleach to get rid of his staph infection.  I knew then I was looking for a new pediatrician for Cole and for me.

     Cole has always said when we go to the doctors "No shots and no needles."  I questioned my sanity at times, because he was (and still is) a broken record.  Cole is terrified of needles and shots, but he gets that from me!  Yes, totally embarrassing moment, but when I was 14 years old, I had to get a gamaglobulin shot because I was exposed to hepatitis.  I cried all the way to the doctor's office, ran away, stole my mom's car keys from her and drove to my grandparent's house because I was terrified of needles.  Once they found out that I was terrified of needles and shots (yes they had to pry my hands off the door to get me in the door), they tried to coax me and put me at ease.  I HATE needles.  I always have, but as an adult, I realize the need for shots and needles.  Explain to me at 14 years old that I have to get a shot, simply because of some girl that has hepatitis.  I could ride the tallest roller coaster at Walt Disney World, but tell me I have to get a shot, I would cry like a baby.  Sometimes, I think Cole acts the way he does is not because of his autism-- it's because of me!  Those characteristics and traits that I had as a child and now an adult is similar to Cole.  We literally could be the same person at times.  He loves to sing, I love to sing.  He loves to eat. I love to eat!  Again, you know your child better than anyone.

     I am one of those parents that questions a lot, in terms of life.  I was always inquisitive in school.  I asked too many questions in school (I even got called into one of my SMU music history teacher's office and was scolded, because I was supposed to let others ask questions in the class!), but I have always believed that the more we question ourselves and the world we live in, we become deeper and more meaningful people.  I strive every day to help Cole with his independence.  We have two chore charts for Cole and these help tremendously!  I have to remind Cole to look at his chore charts, but once that pattern is established, he gets it.  He knows to take his dishes to the sink.  That is huge for me and for him.  He knows how to get dressed, where to put his dirty clothes, how to brush his teeth, brush his hair, take his medicine, and take a shower because of these chore charts.  My kid may not be comfortable staying home alone, even if it means I am outside talking to a neighbor, but you can believe I am doing my best to help Cole achieve total independence.  I pray each and every day that he finds his way towards total independence, because ultimately, this will complete me as his mom.  Nobody can explain how to "cut those strings" when it comes to being totally independent from your child, but as Cole's mom, I think I am doing a great job!  I don't want to send Cole out into this world wondering, "How do I do this?  My mom can do it for me."  I realize that I am 40 years old and I am not getting any younger.  Cole needs to be independent, not just for his sake, but for my well-being too.  I was given the wings to fly and to become independent as a teenager, but as young adult, I found myself yearning to stay at home.  I was comfortable living with my parents, simply because I knew they would always be there for me and Cole.  This was an easy way out to say "You don't need to be independent because I can help you."  I always yearned for my own place, with Cole.  That never happened.  I feel more independent now that I am married, simply because my wonderful husband gives me what I need.  He is a terrific father, but most of all, the most amazing man I could have ever married.  He gave me my independence, as well as Cole's.  I love this man and would marry him a thousand times over, simply because he is that wonderful.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but I needed to have that independence, even if it was just for a year.  I am blessed to have great parents, so please don't take this as a dig to them.  I don't know what I would have done without their support.  However, make sure before you decide to get married, have children, and live "happily ever after", you know who you are as a person.  It has taken me 40 years to figure out who I am and what I have become.  I love teaching, I love music, I love to dance, but most of all, I love my husband and son.  

Summer vacation and autism!

Summer Vacation and Autism!

     

     Obviously, it is now summer and I thought I would write while I was vacation.  I didn't write while I was on vacation, simply because I didn't want to take away valuable family time!  I love my family and it's hard to balance work, a personal life, and some quiet time with my husband so I relish the time we get while on vacation.  We still act like we just met (we have been married for two years), and I am beyond blessed to have this wonderful man in my life.  God is good.  I never thought I could be married to someone who just gets me, because I can be a complicated person.  One of my very good friends told me years ago when he met me that I was the "creative thinker" and he was the "black and white thinker".  I knew what he meant-- he got to the point and didn't embellish what he was thinking, but I liked to be creative when I was talking.  You would get this concept if you knew me, which I think most of you know me personally already.  I am just one of those people that think outside of the box and ask a lot of questions!

     Summer vacation has been wonderful!  I signed up Cole for a summer camp called H.E.R.O.E.'s back in March, as it is a wonderful camp for kids who have autism and learning/physical disabilities.  My family and I love to travel, so we had to cancel our camp plans for Cole.  A lot of my friends send their kids to camp and I even grew up going to camp, but for Cole, he needed a break from camp/school.  I love summer, simply because I need to rest and take a break.  I know if I had a difficult kid, he would be scheduled for everything in the Dallas/Fort Worth area until school starts, but I have an angel.  Cole loves his family, he loves staying home, but most of all he loves to travel.  Early in Cole's life, we were able to provide him the gift of travel which has expanded his life and how he sees it.  I thoroughly believe he learns so much more while we are taking road trips (or flying to New York), than attending camp.  This doesn't mean Cole does not have structure.  We have three chore charts in our house and if Cole doesn't do his chores around the house, he doesn't get to have an extra thirty minutes with his electronics.  We also make sure Cole looks at his calendar every day to see what he has planned.  Cole loves his friends and we are blessed to have some great ones!

     You probably are wondering where we travel in the summer and our main vacation spot is:  WALT DISNEY WORLD!  I didn't put this in the title, simply because I wanted to make sure you read this post :).  My husband fell in love with Walt Disney World when we took our first trip in 2011 and we have been going back every year.  We have stayed all over the Orlando/Kissimmee area for our vacation, but I think this was our best vacation EVER!  We researched the best area (closest to Disney), found the best hotel set-up for us, and booked our hotel in April.  We knew we were going to stay for two weeks, so we wanted an apartment or two bed-room suite that had a kitchen.  We have never taken a vacation without Cole, so it was important to us to have that adult time and our own rooms.  Cole LOVED having his own bedroom!  He called it his apartment and in his bedroom, he set it up like home.  We are beyond blessed to have such a creative child who knows what he wants.  He put his stuffed animals-- all thirty of them-- on the other bed in his room, and kept one with him in his bed.  The hotel staff couldn't have been friendlier and the room was sound-proof!

     The best advice I can give you as a mom who travels a lot, read reviews from Trip Advisor and other travel websites before your book your hotel.  Actual people write reviews about their stay and this has really helped me when booking a hotel.  We requested the fourth or fifth floor, simply because all of the reviews said the first and second floors were very noisy because of the bar and pool on the first floor.  The reviews have helped me a lot when looking for that "perfect hotel" for our vacations.  The other bit of information I can give you is be prepared in advance to go with the flow, which can be hard when you have a child with autism.  Disney World, much to my chagrin, changed their disability policy last October due to people abusing it.  You can still receive a disability pass at any guest services in the Park, but you have to get your pass signed and come back at your appointed ride time.  Cole did much better this time, simply because they also have the Fast Pass + option.  This option, Fast Pass Plus, is a God-send to parents like me.  This new feature lets you pick three rides at the Park you are going to for the day and it assigns you specific ride times.  We would plan our day accordingly when we received our Fast Pass times and it worked out for us, for the most part.  What you can't plan on is the weather in Florida!  Sometimes it rains for hours (which stinks if you have a water park planned for the day), but other times, it can just rain for ten minutes.  Make sure to give your child and family options when it rains.  We knew if it rained, we would head over to Downtown Disney and Disney Quest because it would be open.  Make sure to always have a back-up plan, simply because if you don't, expect a melt down.  We were very lucky on our vacation.  Cole didn't have one big meltdown, and I think it was because we planned in advance for it.  You can't think of everything, but if you plan in advance for a trip like Walt Disney World, you will be better equipped to handle the meltdowns.

     Did I mention I love summer?  I love being home and I love teaching during the summer!  I have two students that I love to teach during the summer, simply because they love music so much.  These kids bring me joy and I feel blessed to continue to inspire them!  I hope in the future to open a music school (totally dreaming here) that is dedicated to students who have learning disabilities, such as autism.  Music is what inspires my son.  Music inspires me to do great things with my life and to continue to educate our youth of tomorrow.  I may not be a great teacher, but I feel I inspire others to be their best.  I know if music doesn't get to you (any kind of music!), then you don't have a passion for it.  I get that.  However, you can't tell me when you hear that song on the radio that makes you cry, it inspires you do something better with your life.  Life can get crazy and hectic in our house, but if you take the time to stop, enjoy the moment, and realize life goes by so quickly, you will enjoy your life more.  Our vacations are wonderful, simply because of Cole.  Cole sang the ENTIRE WAY to Florida (think two days for ten hours each day).  He sings like an angel.  His new favorite song is "Over the Rainbow" and he sung this a lot while we were driving.  The version he is learning of this classic song, as made famous by Judy Garland, is sung by Hawaiian native (now deceased) is Israel "IZ".  Check out the original YouTube link here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_DKWlrA24k.  The irony of our vacation is that when we were leaving, it rained.  Guess what showed up?  Not one, but two rainbows.  I believe God is speaking through my Cole.  Was this a God thing?  I think it was!  

     Our next vacation:  Galveston with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and my awesome nephew Dylan, and gorgeous niece Rylie!  This has become our go-to place every year since I was a baby and I thank my grandparents, Nanny and Granddaddy Compton, for taking us as children.  Those road trips to Galveston were the best because of the memories we made with Nanny and Granddaddy.  I reminisce about my Grandparents, simply because they were phenomenal people.  I was blessed God called them to adopt my mom at two weeks old.  They were the best Grandparents a girl could have.  Cole asks about them a lot, simply because he sees pictures of them and knows who they are.  Families can be messed up, simply because they don't receive the unconditional love they needed as a child.  I have been blessed by God to have had a wonderful family and now Cole has that gift:  an amazing and wonderful family who love him beyond words.  My husband can't join us in Galveston, but he always gives us his blessing.  We love you sweetheart and will miss you!  However, that being said, I can't WAIT to see my niece and nephew.  Galveston bound in ten days!!!!!!!!

Advocating For Change

Advocating For Change

     

     Cole is now officially a 7th grader!  Graduation was a rite of passage not only for Cole, but for all of the families involved with this momentous occasion.  I am exhausted, but happy that my son made it through sixth grade without too many meltdowns this past month.  Obviously, the last day was emotional simply because people are moving onto different schools and we won't see our friends at Merriman Park on a daily basis.  The reality is now sinking in that time flies by in an instant.  My son is now a seventh grader and within a blink of an eye, he will be a senior in high school ready to conquer the world (or so I think).  What many parents often don't understand about autism and the families it affects is the long-term.  What are we going to do for Cole when he turns 18 and he has graduated from high school?  Just yesterday, I was talking with other parents about trade school and how it is not emphasized enough in junior high or high school.  There are many kids that don't want to go to college, or don't know what they really want to do with their life after high school.  Some parents know about trade or vocational school, and agree with me that a lot of students would benefit from them.  

     The main question I am addressing here is how do we as a community embrace those schools and companies that want to train and hire people to work straight out of high school?  Simple:  educate middle school and high school counselors/staff members about the importance of job skills that can be utilized inside and outside a classroom.  I know when I was in high school, we took these "tests" that told us what we should focus on after we graduate from high school.  By now, you know that I don't like tests because they don't measure what one is capable of doing or achieving in life.  When I took this test, it said I would be a great lawyer or teacher.  Really?  I considered law school briefly, but I wanted to be a professional singer.  I don't know if these tests are accurate, but obviously I became a teacher.  I do ponder going back to school to become a lawyer, but I just don't think I have it in me.  God has called me to be Cole's mom and that is a full time job.  Our world needs to realize and embrace that "college is not a one size fits all" solution for those that have learning differences or physical disabilities.  I know many kids in Cole's general education class that would benefit from home economics and shop class, simply because they don't have that drive to go to college.  We need electricians, mechanics, chefs, and hair dressers just as much as we need lawyers, doctors, and teachers.  Our world is a big melting pot of culture and diversity (especially in this great state of Texas).  We need to emphasize job skills and promote this diversity in our school and work environment, simply because our world needs so many people to wear different hats.  My son is brilliant on computers and I tell him every day, you can either be a singing superstar (he wants to play Frankie Valli in "Jersey Boys") or a computer genius working for Non-Pareil Institute.  He is happy to pick both of these jobs, simply because he loves both equally.

     This blog was created to address certain concerns and needs parents have when their child has autism.  I am not an expert or claim to be an expert when it comes to the medical side of diagnosing and treating autism, therefore these next comments are simply statements I believe as a mom.  Just this week, I have had parents ask me, "when did you know Cole had autism?".  My gut was telling me that something wasn't right when he was 3 1/2 years old.  I thought Cole's lack of communication was due to many ear infections (12 in one year) and that he might be slightly deaf, due to these ear infections.  Cole's pediatrician never addressed autism, simply because Cole didn't show the signs of autism until he was four years old.  Cole could point to things and say "want", but I was helping him communicate.  Autism was not in the public eye ten years ago, so I didn't really know what autism was.  The local magazine, "Dallas Child", ran an article about autism when Cole was four, and I read it over and over. I thought this article addressed autism, from a clinical point of view, but as a mom, I was still in denial.  There were so many traits that Cole did NOT exhibit as a child with autism.  He said hello, gave hugs and kisses to me, made eye contact when we would take  his picture, he loved to eat and had a very well-balanced diet (most kids with autism are very picky eaters), and he loved to dance!  I did notice, however, that Cole lined up his toys, did not maneuver the stairs well, and had very limited speech.  These three things made me wonder if Cole had autism.  Robert Giesler told me that Cole needed help.  We are continually blessed by this man and I honestly don't know what I would have done without him or his knowledge.  I asked Robert if he had ever heard of autism and he said yes, but that he didn't know much about it.  I next turned to the internet and I wished I hadn't.  The internet should not be your "go-to", one stop shop for everything.  I say this with conviction (even though this blog is on the internet!), do NOT read everything or believe everything you read online.  The best advice I received was from a friend: "Make sure Cole is social.  The best thing you can do for your son is to make sure he has friends, even if it's just one best friend."  This was the best piece of information I could have ever received.  Dr. Merrill (she is my dog's vet and her nephew has autism) is one of the sweetest people I know and because of her, Cole is one popular guy!  

     I have been crying all week, simply because it has been such an emotional roller coaster this year.  I never thought in a million years we would not graduate from Merriman Park Elementary without Laurie Taylor.  She was Cole's advocate, voice, and friend.  This Principal was one of those people that comes into your life for a reason-- God put her there.  I was so disillusioned this year by the lack of warmth, sincerity, or lack of understanding from the current Principal at Merriman Park Elementary.  This blog was not created to bash the Principal, even though some people think it was.  My son deserved better treatment this year.  I was angry the first two months of school, simply because I couldn't get any answers from her as to why Cole's I.E.P. was not being followed.  I did not want to throw Cole's D.P. teacher under the bus, because she was new and a very sweet person.  I now know how strong I am, simply because I felt like David from "David and Goliath".  I may be just one voice, but if other parents like me speak up, we will see change.  Change may not be tomorrow or even next year, but change is coming.  I firmly believe and stand by my convictions as a mom and autism advocate that change is coming to R.I.S.D., simply because there are so many of us that are not going to be quiet.

     Okay, so it's time to grab a kleenex for these next two paragraphs.  Cole went from being this shy kid at White Rock Elementary as a kindergartner and has blossomed into this amazingly, talented young man at Merriman Park Elementary.  There were many people that have changed Cole's life and have richly blessed our lives as well.  Rhonda Barnes was Cole's very first kindergarten teacher and she was the perfect fit for him.  Cole next moved onto Heather Miller's PPCD Kindergarten class and she was a very good fit for Cole.  Cathy Hanson was Cole's D.P. teacher for his first and second grade years at MPE and we still love this woman!  Pat Minter was Cole's private speech therapist from K-6th grade and I don't know what we would do without her.  Allison Ausema was Cole's D.P. teacher for part of second grade, third grade, and fifth grade.  Allison was one of those rare gems that you find who really helped Cole blossom as an individual.  Mr. Larry Owens was Cole's teacher (just like Allison, he started as an Aide) for fourth grade.  Mr. Larry was an incredible teacher and had the kindest heart.  We miss Larry, but we know he is doing great!  Leslie Dominie was not Cole's teacher, but was a great upper level D.P. teacher at MPE.  She demanded and expected her students to always do their best.  

     I would also like to mention those aides that have really impacted Cole's life, simply because they are the ones that are in the trenches every day with these kids.  Danielle Lawhorn, you are the perfect example of God's love.  You give to all of your kids, without expecting anything in return. This woman has been my rock, simply because she always has my back and Cole's.  Sarah Krolczyk, you love Cole unconditionally and still do.  I was (and still am) convinced that Cole would not be potty-trained if it wasn't for you!  Christie Young was new this year, but she stepped in like she had known the kids all her life.  She is a giving and wonderful person and I am a better person because of her.  Mr. Victor, oh Mr. Victor!  He was the first person we met at Merriman Park Elementary and had a heart of gold.  Mr. Victor left last year, due to health problems, but he was a man of God.  Mr. Dalone was in our life for a brief time, but he tried to help all of the D.P. students.  Amy Foxman, the current behavioral teacher (her second year) at MPE is the smallest person with arms of steel!  She has the most amazing spirit, loves her kids, and gives so much back to MPE that we will truly miss her warm smile and positive attitude next year.  One other person I would like to thank is Mrs. P-B.  This woman is a saint.  She is one of the resource teachers at MPE and pushed Cole to always do his best.  Sometimes Cole did not like to work, but Mrs. P-B always made sure he got it done, without too many meltdowns.  Mrs. P-B was there for me this year when Cole would have his meltdowns (at school and at home).  She has this calming nature that could soothe a crying baby to sleep.  Cami Welch, another great Resource teacher at MPE, gave her time and heart to Cole.  Cole loves Ms. Welch, simply because she loves music and she loves Cole.  Aileen Holman, where do I even begin to start?  She is the speech therapist at MPE and always told me about Cole's day.  I don't really know how to put into words what she means  to me.  Thank you to all of these people (including Principal Laurie Taylor, Coach Brooks and Mrs. Becca Bryan) for enriching our lives and helping Cole be the best young man a mom could ever hope for!

     Cole received a standing ovation at graduation and I was in tears  when I witnessed this amazing outpouring of love.  Cole is loved.  As a parent, I am overwhelmed by how far Cole has come since kindergarten and am truly blessed by how many friends he has.  Cole says all of his boys are his best friends and that he can't just pick one.  I feel like I continue to advocate for Cole, but Cole now has a voice and it is a strong one!  He amazes me with his spirit, his positive attitude, but most of all, his unconditional love.  He loves EVERYONE.  I hope I have had something to do with that, simply because I try to live my life as God would want me to:  love unconditionally.  Sometimes love hurts.  I have trusted many people in my life, but I have learned the hard way that sometimes I should have listened to my inner voice.  There are some people in this world that just don't care who they hurt, simply because they think they are right.  I really feel for those people that don't have support at home, simply because as an adult, they are going to raise snobby, selfish, and mean kids.  I hope I encourage kids on a daily basis to always do their best.  This world is a better place because of my Cole.  Thirteen years ago I was pregnant with this amazing kid and I wouldn't change my life for anything.  Cole is who he is, simply because he knows he is loved unconditionally.  That is a great feeling! I am so proud of my son and I look forward to our next journey:  Forest Meadow Junior High!!!!!!!!!

6th Grade Graduation: Reality

6th Grade Graduation:  Reality

     We only have four days of school left and I, for one, am ready for this school year to be over!  I used to look forward to that last day of in-service as a teacher, but I now view the world differently as a mom of a student who has special needs.  I just finished reading a very good article about two boys that have a special bond.  Devin has autism and his best friend is Nick, who is his connection to the outside world (Nick doesn't have autism).  I started tearing up after reading this article, simply because it describes Cole's relationship with Archer.  Cole now has over 20 friends in the general education classroom, simply because he loves his friends.  This would not have been accomplished without a lot of work, patience, and love.  Archer and his family love Cole like he is their son.  They are special people.  Without this family, we would not have gotten this far in life (speaking, interacting, and having play dates with other kids).  I commend this family for opening their hearts and home to Cole and to my family.  We love them and can't wait to see what junior high school holds for them!

     I am tired, exhausted, and emotionally drained from this school year.  I didn't expect to be so tired, simply because I thought Cole would have a great school year.  We have been through a lot, but we are in the home stretch of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  I can say I was very confused about the beginning of the school year.  Cole didn't attend open house (like he has done since kindergarten) last summer because he was just getting over a very bad sinus infection-- borderline pneumonia.  In some ways, I don't know if it would have helped Cole's transition into sixth grade by going to open house.  Cole was very surprised by the change of the building and first asked me, "Mom, where is all of the artwork?  Why are we in a hospital?".  The building itself has been through a major makeover and it looked like a hospital-- which Cole hates.  The walls were white, there was no celebration board, but most of all, there was this coldness when you walked into Merriman Park Elementary.  Cole was confused, I was confused, and so were all of the other students and parents.  By now, if you have been reading my blog, change can be very challenging for kids who have autism.  This change was not good.  Cole didn't want to go to school, simply because he was scared.  He told me every day for the first two months, "Mom, I don't want to go to school.  I don't do anything and it feels like a hospital."  I did figure out he was telling me the truth about not doing anything.  He was wandering in the cafeteria the first four weeks of school for the first hour, because the other students in his class needed to eat breakfast.  Once I found this bit of information out, I demanded change.  Cole started his first hour of class the next day with his general education teacher.  

     The best advice I can give anyone is to be pro-active as a parent and advocate.  You know your child the best.  Don't question yourself, even if you are scared of authority.  I know a few people that don't stand up to administration, simply because they don't feel like they will be heard.  I know firsthand that if you don't stand up to the big man on campus, there won't be change.  You may not see that change immediately, but if parents came together for the common good of their child and demanded change, their voice will be heard.  There are so many people and families that have come to me to ask for help.  I am not a lawyer.  I am a mom on a mission to help ALL CHILDREN do their best in school.  Parents need to demand change for their child, if they see them suffering in school.  Bullying is becoming common-place, simply because of the internet.  I was horrified to hear that one of Cole's friends (who is in the general education classroom) was bullied-- and not just any type of bullying.  Kids have been told these exact words, "go ahead and kill yourself, simply because this world would be a better place without you in it".  Where are kids hearing this crap?  I have warned parents and advised them to keep an eye on their children's internet activity.  We live in a scary world, but when fifth and sixth graders are coming out with this garbage, I only wonder what is going on in junior high and high school.  I hate the fact that parents are not aware of what their kids are doing at school.  I have seen kids tormented at Cole's school this year.  Some kids are in tears, simply because of  mean words.  Kids can be cruel.  Sometimes those tears can be fake, simply because they want attention, but a lot of the time, it's real.  

     Talk to your children on a daily basis.  I was told that we should sit down with Cole everyday for at least fifteen minutes and ask him about his day.  I have done this for the last two years and he has opened up to me.  Cole is not a child with many words, simply because he has so much on his mind-- singing, playing Minecraft, and setting up our house like Times Square in New York City for the "ball drop".  However, I cherish those fifteen minutes with my son, simply because I know I will never be able to get them back.  He tells me things like, "How are you today mom?  How was your day?  Let's talk about you because I had an okay day".  Cole is really the most incredible kid, simply because he picks up on my mood, without missing a beat.  He knows when I am sad, happy, angry or frustrated.  He gets sad when I get sad.  He is happy most of the time, simply because I am a happy person.  His daddy is a happy person and always has a smile on his face!  We live in a cynical world, but I am fortunate enough to realize how blessed I am.  My son has autism.  Autism does not define Cole.  Cole, and many others who live with autism, have great lives.  Be a mentor to kid that looks like they need an extra hand.  Love everyone, even if they don't love you back.  I have tried to teach Cole and his friends that "all you need is love".  My son is my world and I am beyond blessed to have the most amazing husband who supports us in everything we do.  Find your voice, speak up, and don't be complacent.  We are now in a great place, simply because I have never given up on Cole.  We are excited about our new journey into middle school and can't wait to see what's in store for us!  Forest Meadow Junior High, watch out!  Cole Warren is going to change the world...............