Sickness and Death: It Sucks

Sickness and Death:  It Sucks

     I don't really know why I write this blog, except it is somewhat cathartic when I experience sadness or heartache.  I am able to write my sadness and tears into an oblivion at times, so please understand that I can get emotional as anyone can when someone I love is gravely ill or dies.  I have learned over the years that as a Christian, it is comforting to know that my loved ones are in Heaven and are always with me.  That being said, I have never liked illness or death.  Who does?  The first time I felt at a loss to convey my feelings except cry was the death of a very good friend, Chris Garrett.  Chris was a gentle, loving, and kind soul and he lost his battle with a rare form of cancer at age 19.  Cancer sucks.  Nobody should have to experience cancer.  I had seen my mom very sick on a weekly basis when I was 13 years old, but she kicked cancer's butt.  I am now 40 years old and my mom is still here.  I can say my mom's stubbornness, my grandparents (her parents) faith, and all of her friends being there for her is what saved her life.  I can't say what saved my mom.  There are so many people that fight cancer every day, but lose their battle way too soon.  If I had to say why my mom lived, it is because she has a strong faith and she was on so many people's prayer lists.  Cancer sucks.  I witnessed this horrible disease on a daily basis for three years.  My mom had stage 3 breast cancer.  My aunt Cleo was not so lucky.  She tried radiation after her cancer diagnosis.  We lost Cleo within 6 weeks after her cancer diagnosis.  I still have trouble thinking about Cleo's death, simply because we lost her too soon.  Each year on August 9th, the anniversary of Cleo's death, I leave a flower for her on her grave every year.  Cleo has been gone since 1990 and I can say it has gotten easier through the years, but that loss is still there.  I had many great people in my life and I consider Cleo one of my moms.  This is why it is so hard to write this next paragraph.  I am losing another mom and it hurts.  I can't stop crying, I pray for comfort, but most of all, I pray for this amazing woman's family, who has become a second family to me.  This family and woman was there for me during my hardest time in life:  my mom's fight with breast cancer.

     I am on of those lucky people that had an amazing support group of friends and family when my mom was sick.  My mom is incredible.  She would come to every single game I played in at J.L. Long Middle School.  The next day, I knew she was tired and sick, but my mom always managed to get me and my brother fed breakfast, have a lunch packed for us, and get us to school on time every day.  I know this was no easy feat, as I still have a hard time getting up, getting Cole ready for school and out the door on time (semi-awake after two cups of coffee for me)!  The main reason I am the mom and wife I am today, is because I have great role models.  That second Momma to me is still my second Momma.  Her name is Armelia King, but I called her Coach.  Coach King was a lot of everything to so many people, but to me she was Momma.  She was there to pick me up when I was down.  Coach King was the one that stood up for me when she found out that certain girls were telling me, "Erika, go ahead and do yourself a favor.  Kill yourself, because you know your mom is going to die."  Yes, there were bullies, horrible girls, and nasty comments that were uttered to me at my middle school, but I had someone that always had my back:  Coach King.  I know many of my teammates (actually all of them) would agree that Coach King was more than a Coach:  she was a mentor, role model, amazing teacher, and the backbone of J.L. Long Middle School.  I always knew if I had a problem, I could go to Coach.  She was my rock, my protector, and my momma.  She didn't play, she didn't take no for an answer, and she didn't cut us any slack.  She had gone through hard times, but she never told us or showed us what she had gone through.  I know raising a son with autism has been hard, but I only can wonder how difficult it was raising three girls by herself without a husband.  I guess I can imagine it, but I know it was hard.  Coach King exemplified grace under pressure and she exemplified true grit.  This is why it hurts so much to see her suffer.  I am amazed by her spirit and the life-long impression she has left on my life.

     I feel writing about other topics in my blog lets you see the human side of me.  I hate death, I hate sadness, but most of all, I hate it when Cole sees me sad and crying.  I am fine right now, but even the smallest thing can get me crying again, like a Geico commercial!  I love hard, I love unconditionally, and I am thankful for the relationship I have had with Armelia King for nearly 30 years.  Coach King was the main person that inspired me to be a middle school teacher.  Ms. King was the most amazing Coach, taught me how to "press" for the first time in basketball, showed me how to play defense like a guy, and she taught me the true meaning of life.  I love this woman and Dottie, her youngest daughter.  Dottie and I have known each other since 1986, so we just get each other.  I pray for Dottie, as it is so hard for her to see momma slip away.  Dottie is crazy, so I guess that's why we get each other!  She is a wonderful friend and mom, and I am blessed to know Dottie.  I know if it had not been for Facebook, I would have never reconnected with her or Momma.  I am so glad I found Dottie and she found me.  We are relying on each other and I am so grateful Dottie takes the time to text and call me about Momma.  I am getting to know Coach's oldest daughter, Angela, and she is so much like her mom.  Angela is extremely smart, has Coach's smile, and takes care of business!  There are so many other family members that I could list, but these two women, along with Coach, are like my family.  When Coach dies, I pray that comfort and healing begins for everyone.  

     Coach has been sick for quite some time now, so she is not the same as I remember her in 1986.  I remember Coach as a strict disciplinarian who didn't take crap from anyone.  She no longer is the strong woman I remember.  She has suffered strokes and now has a weak heart that can only be treated with medicine, so that is what is causing her to slowly slip away.  My memories are packed away in my sub-conscience, so I am grateful for these memories.  I long for that day when Momma is released from her pain and suffering, because she deserves it.  Nobody knows when it's their time, but I know when Coach leaves this Earth, she has left a permanent mark on my heart and mind.  I am saddened to experience this pain, but I am thankful for my faith, my strength, and my pure love for this amazing woman.  Coach Armelia King is more than a teacher, Coach, and friend; she is a Mom and Grandmother.  Her legacy lives on in all of her kids.  I am one of the lucky ones; I get to say goodbye.  I don't have any regrets.  She was and always will be, Momma and Coach.  I miss her, I miss her laughs, but most of all, I miss Coach.

     I didn't mean to make you cry, so I am sorry about this subject.  I find writing as a way to express my intimate feelings, happy or sad.  I feel this is a kind of a release of my anxiety to pen this post tonight.  I take comfort and can smile just a little, knowing that I can find peace in my memories and in God.  I don't know what I would have done without Coach.  She was there in my most formative years.  I can only pray I can do the same for my son and his friends.  Time will only tell if I have made a lasting impression on Cole, our friends, and my former students the way Coach King has left on me.  Coach, I love you.  You have always been in my thoughts and prayers.  Heaven will be a much better place when you arrive.  I am one lucky woman to have had you as my 7th grade science teacher, volleyball, basketball, and softball coach.  You saw my potential, made me a great athlete, and helped me pursue life with fire.  I thank God for you and your family.  You saved me from what could have possibly been the worst time of my life, and for that, I will truly be indebted to you.  Thank you for helping me become who I am today.  I am at a loss for words, so thank you, for reading this tonight.  In the words of a friend, may our friendship stay dear and Vaya Con Dios....